Quote by John Oliver (about The Beatles, Coldplay, England & Great Britain)

The UK... the country that gave the world The Beatles and then punished it with Coldplay.

John Oliver (Last Week Tonight)

The Beatles Coldplay England & Great Britain

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Germany... a country whose idea of a bedtime story is two children being left to die in the forest, before nearly being cooked and eaten and then murdering an old woman.

John Oliver (Last Week Tonight)

Germany Fairytales

Australia... home of every animal that seems like it should already be extinct.

John Oliver (Last Week Tonight)

Australia

Russia... the prequel and sequel to the Sowjet Union.

John Oliver (Last Week Tonight)

Russia

Russia... the country that gave the world Tetris, merkins you wear on your heads, and potentially the 45th President of the United States.

John Oliver (Last Week Tonight)

Donald Trump Russia US Elections Tetris

Greece... the most recent Greek Tragedy.

John Oliver (Last Week Tonight)

Griechenland

Threatening the British by saying there will be only salt and vinegar on the table, is like threatening the French by saying there will only be wine and baguettes, or threatening the Swiss by saying there'll only be chocolate and Nazi gold.

John Oliver (Last Week Tonight) - Brexit II

France England & Great Britain Switzerland

The NRA, a group that feels about guns, the way the rest of us feels about Nutella. A little is good, more is better and you can tell me it's bad for me all you like, but you will pry it from my cold dead hands.

John Oliver (Last Week Tonight) - NRA TV

NRA Nutella

During WWII, we rushed into developing nuclear weapons, because we were trying to defeat the nazis, who - fun fact - pretty much all Americans agreed were bad at the time.

John Oliver (Last Week Tonight) - Nuclear Waste

Australia... not just the country where Russell Crowe lives, but very much the Russell Crowe of countries.

John Oliver (Last Week Tonight)

Russell Crowe Australia

Like Channing Tatum, North Dakota suddenly turned out to be a lot more interesting, once it was covered in oil.

John Oliver (Last Week Tonight) - North Dakota

Oil North Dakota Channing Tatum

Abstinence is a healthy choice, that many teens will make. Either by choice, or, as I can attest, by circumstance.

John Oliver (Last Week Tonight) - Sex Education

Sex Teenagers

Home improvement stores are a lethal combination of everything that can ruin a relationship: Spending money, reconciling tastes, long-term planning and fluorescent lighting.

John Oliver (Last Week Tonight) - Home Depot Commercial

9 out of the top 10 drug makers spent more on marketing, than they did on research. Drug companies are a bit like highschool boyfriends. They're much more concerned with getting inside you, than being effective once they're in there.

John Oliver (Last Week Tonight) - Marketing to Doctors

High School

They're exhausting to inflate, they scare the shit out of you when they pop, and uninflated they just look like a pile of clown-condoms.

John Oliver in Last Week Tonight - Boeing

Balloons

I don't typically hop into the generation wars, because I've got a Gen X birth certificate and a boomer body.

John Oliver (Last Week Tonight) - A History of Chuck E. Cheese

Gen X Baby Boomers

The US government can't waste billions of dollars just blowing things up in the vague hope that it'll somehow turn into a success, unless of course those things are Iraq or Afghanistan. So SpaceX began with a big gamble.

John Oliver in Last Week Tonight - December 2023

Iraq Afghanistan

You have just constructed a straw man so large you could burn it in the desert and hold an annoying festival around it.

John Oliver in Last Week Tonight - June 2014

Burning Man

The Royal Family's wealth, unline their gene pool, is massive.

John Oliver (Last Week Tonight) - The Monarchy

Monarchy

I know it's true
It's all because of you
And if you go away
I know you could never stay

The Beatles - Now and Then

I know it's true
It's all because of you
And if I make it through
It's all because of you

And now and then
If we must start again
Well, we will know for sure
That I love you

The Beatles - Now and Then

Little darling
It's been a long, cold, lonely winter
Little darling
It feels like years since it's been here

Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun
And I say, "It's alright"

The Beatles - Here Comes the Sun, Album: Abbey Road

Yesterday
All my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Suddenly
I'm not half the man I used to be
There's a shadow hanging over me
Oh, yesterday came suddenly

Why she had to go
I don't know, she wouldn't say
I said something wrong
Now I long for yesterday

The Beatles - Yesterday, Album: Help!

When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, 'let it be'
And in my hour of darkness, she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, 'let it be'

The Beatles - Let It Be, Album: Let It Be

But she said, where'd you wanna go?
How much you wanna risk?
I'm not looking for somebody
With some superhuman gifts
Some superhero
Some fairytale bliss
Just something I can turn to
Somebody I can kiss

I want something just like this

Coldplay - Something Just Like This, Album: Memories...Do Not Open

I've been reading books of old
The legends and the myths
Achilles and his gold
Hercules and his gifts
Spiderman's control
And Batman with his fists
And clearly I don't see myself upon that list

Coldplay - Something Just Like This, Album: Memories...Do Not Open

Hercules Batman

And I just got broken
broken into two
still I call it Magic, when I'm with you

Coldplay - Magic, Album: Ghost Stories

Violet: "I'm so looking forward to seeing your mother again. When I'm with her, I'm reminded of the virtues of the English."
Matthew: "But isn't she American?"
Violet: "Exactly."

Violet Crawley in Downton Abbey

England & Great Britain

The British electors will not vote for a man who does not wear a hat.

William Beaverbrook

England & Great Britain Hats

Our secretary of health and human sacrifice, RFK Jr.

Jimmy Kimmel (Jimmy Kimmel Live!) - May 2025

RFK Jr.

For every $1 we could raise, they'll remove one pound of plastic from the ocean. We're trying to raise $30 million by the end of the year.

Mark Rober in Jimmy Kimmel Live! - November 2021

Kim Jong-un is very isolated in his own country. He's the only obese person in North Korea.

Olaf Schubert in heute-show - heute-show vom 08.09.2017

Kim Jong Un North Korea

One of the main differences between Munich and Berlin is that when thousands of people get drunk in silly clothes and start vomitting, we don't call it "Oktoberfest", we call it "Tuesday".

Felix Lobrecht

Berlin Munich Oktoberfest

To never be sick can't be healthy.

Karl Valentin

Illness & Sickness

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.

Ricky Gervais

Atheism Santa Claus Hölle

Life is so damn short. For f's sake, just do what makes you happy!

Bill Murray

Life

Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me.

Robin Williams

Shooting Stars

This is the end of Wladimir Putin.

Jan Böhmermann - February 2022

Vladimir Putin Russia-Ukraine War

People say that money changes people. It really doesn't. Money don't change people. Money allows you to be more of who you really are. If you're a kind person when you get a lot of money, you become a kinder person. If you're an a-shole when you get a lot of money, you become a big a-shole. When you see rich people acting like a-sholes it's 'cause they've always been one.

Steve Harvey - February 2021

Money

Life is too short to worry about what others say about you. Have fun and give them something to talk about.

Kevin Hart

Gossip & Rumors

Spotify, the app with the entire history of recorded music that you only use to listen to four songs that you liked in high school.

Trevor Noah in The Daily Show - The Truth Behind Music Streaming

Spotify

Where I'm from? A little town called none of yo god damn business.

Dave Chappelle

The last person that was excited about a check with Donald Trump's name on it was Stormy Daniels.

Oliver Welke in heute-show - Sendung vom 24.04.2020

Donald Trump Corona-Jokes

Anyone who tells you fatherhood is the greatest thing that can happen to you, they are understating it.

Mike Myers

Fathers

Some a-hole leaks it online and I'm like, you know, looking at the guy in the mirror brushing my teeth, "Dude, what have you done? This could be punishable by law!" But the internet forced the studio to say, "We're gonna make this movie", and 24 hours later, that movie had a green light.

Ryan Reynolds - September 2025

Deadpool

Quote by John Oliver (about The Beatles, Coldplay, England & Great Britain)

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