The best Quotes by John Hodgman

The best Quotes by John Hodgman

John Kellogg Hodgman (born June 3, 1971) is an American author, actor, and humorist. In addition to his published written works, such as The Areas of My Expertise, More Information Than You Require, and That Is All, he is known for his personification of a PC in contrast to Justin Long's personification of a Mac in Apple's "Get a Mac" advertising campaign, and for his work as a contributor on Comedy Central's The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.

What would I put in a museum? Probably a museum. That's an amusing relic of our past.

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Funny Quotes Museums

Everyone wants to write a book. Very few people are able to do it.

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First of all, I wish I could grow a beard.

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When did fact checking and journalism go their separate ways?

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Journalism Facts

We called her Mother Earth. Because she gave birth to us, and then we sucked her dry.

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If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us?

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If "con" is the opposite of "pro", then isn't "congress" the opposite of "progress"?

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I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.

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Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

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The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.

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Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

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Religion Snakes

Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain.

Jon Stewart

You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.

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We must, together as a nation, stop watching Fox.

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I celebrated Thanksgiving the old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

Jon Stewart

Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may.

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You're gonna like Massachusetts. It's very patriotic - perfect for a fresh start.

Georgia Miller in Ginny & Georgia - Season 1 Episode 1

I'm lucky to have been raised in the most beautiful place - Amherst, Massachusetts, state of my heart. I'm more patriotic to Massachusetts than to almost any place.

Uma Thurman

I will work my heart out to earn the trust of the people of Massachusetts.

Elizabeth Warren

The man in the White House is not the cause of what is broken, he is just the latest and most extreme symptom of what's gone wrong in America. A product of a rigged system that props up the rich and powerful and kicks dirt on everyone else.

Elizabeth Warren (as Senator of Massachusetts) - February 9, 2019

I went to Massachusetts to make a difference. I didn't go there to begin a political career running time and time again. I made a difference. I put in place the things I wanted to do.

Mitt Romney

Only a liberal senator from Massachusetts would say that a 49 percent increase in funding for education was not enough.

George W. Bush

They say money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a flight to Massachusetts - and that's pretty much the same thing.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Dean Martin

8

Alcohol Funny Quotes

"There's perfect men around every corner", said God an made the Earth round.

5

Funny Quotes Singles & Dating

Working out makes people more comfortable with their naked bodies. So does Tequila.

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Funny Quotes Tequila Being naked

This room is like a museum of old, useless crap... by which I mean every museum.

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons - Season 24 Episode 4

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If you gave back every stolen artifact from a museum, you'd be left with an empty building.

Commander Rourke in Atlantis - The Lost Empire

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Give me a museum and I'll fill it.

Pablo Picasso

A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone.

Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones - Season 1 Episode 2

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Books Mind & Apprehension Intelligence

"One must always be careful of books," said Tessa, "and what is inside them, for words have the power to change us."

Cassandra Clare in The Infernal Devices

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If you have never spent whole afternoons with burning ears and rumpled hair, forgetting the world around you over a book, forgetting cold and hunger-

If you have never read secretly under the bedclothes with a flashlight, because your father or mother or some other well-meaning person has switched off the lamp on the plausible ground that it was time to sleep because you had to get up so early-

If you have never wept bitter tears because a wonderful story has come to an end and you must take your leave of the characters with whom you have shared so many adventures, whom you have loved and admired, for whom you have hoped and feared, and without whose company life seems empty and meaningless-

If such things have not been part of your own experience, you probably won't understand what Bastian did next.

Michael Ende in The Neverending Story

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Poetry, she thought, wasn't written to be analyzed, it was meant to inspire without reason, to touch without understanding.

Nicholas Sparks in The Notebook

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A living poem had always been the words that came to mind when he tried to describe her to others.

Nicholas Sparks in The Notebook

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Writing Poems Inspiration

Writing is something you do alone. Its a profession for introverts who want to tell you a story but don't want to make eye contact while doing it.

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Writing Introvertierte Sprüche

Without a moustache, a man isn't dressed well.

Salvador Dalí

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I know it's a craze in Bollywood to have six-pack abs, but here, it's not the abs or the biceps that make us feel or look macho. Down south, the moustache still works for us.

Beards Bollywood

I don't like myself without a beard.

Jamie Dornan

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