The best Quotes from Jimmy Kimmel Live!

For every $1 we could raise, they'll remove one pound of plastic from the ocean. We're trying to raise $30 million by the end of the year.

I'm having a really good time. The costume's probably slightly different than you might expect. But to go back into the role [of Obi-Wan] is great.

The circus came back to town in Washington for the second impeachment trial of Donald OJ. Trump.

It was nice to get to enjoy an inauguration without a pit of dread in your stomach.

Trump's leaving office with his lowest approval rating yet. It's down to 29%. Which, for someone who recently incited a insurrection to overthrow the government isn't bad. Honestly, what would he have to do to get below 20%, Eat the constitution? Trump has the lowest average approval rating of any president in the modern era. The only one to leave office with a lower rating than that was Kevin Spacey.

If Martin Luther King were alive today, he would probably watch the news and go, "let me be more specific about this dream I had."

I wish we had somebody in a leadership position in the White House who would bring people together.

What ever I would do, I would be the one I am today. I chose football and I'm sorry for the other fans that are cheering for other sports, because it would be the same thing.

People told me, "When you come to Los Angeles, don't worry, you can walk on the streets" But since day one, it's busy everywhere. But it's my own fault. 'Cause when you play the way I do, I mean.

I wanted to give Los Angeles a gift. I was thinking a long time. And then one day it came like: I should give myself.

When someone with a beard attacks us, we tap phones, we invoke travel-bans, we build walls we take care of every possible precaution to make sure it doesn't happen again. But when an American buys a gun and kills other Americans, then there's nothing we can do about that? Second ammendment, I guess. Our forfathers wanted us to have AK-47s is the argument, I assume.

"Is Kumail Nanjiani's d*ck multiple colors?"
"Yes. Every shade of your mom's lipstick. And her b*tthole."

I've been waiting for this moment for a long, long time. This is like when I lost my virginity, except this is gonna last way longer than one second.

Apple is believed to be partnering with American Express on a new mobile payment system, that would replace carrying credit cards around. That way, you can lose your naked pictures and all your money in one easy step.

They have a new high-end iPhone called the iPhone 5S. The 'S' stands for 'shut up and give us your money'.

This is about as close as America gets to having a royal baby; Apple unveiling a new iPhone.

I feel like at this point, Apple's releasing products, just to see if there's anything we won't buy.