Quotes by Jimmy Carr

James Anthony Patrick Carr is a British stand-up comedian, presenter, writer, and actor who holds both British and Irish citizenship. He is known for his deadpan delivery, dark humour, and heckler interaction.

Jimmy Carr belongs to the following category: Comedy

The best Quotes and Sayings

If you're a homeless, alcoholic Scott and you had tourettes... how would they ever know?

ScotlandJimmy Carr
 
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I think a girl is too young for you if you have to make airplane noises to put your c-ck in her mouth.

Jimmy Carr
 
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If only Africa had more mosquito nets, then every year, we could save millions of mosquitos from dying needlessly of aids.

Jimmy Carr
 
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The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job.

ComediansJimmy Carr
 
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I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one.

Falling in loveJimmy Carr
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If she says, "We can't have sex, I'm on my period", I would say, "Well, your ass isn't bleeding, is it?"

Jimmy Carr
 
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A travel writer's made a world map showing where women are easiest to sleep with. That's awful. Although, good news for Blackpool's tourism.

Jimmy Carr, via Twitter
 
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The new Thor movie is out today. I haven't been looking forward to Hammertime this much since 1989.

Jimmy Carr, October 2013
 
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I enjoyed Halloween this year. I stuck two pumpkins down the back of my trousers and went as Kim Kardashian's arse.

Halloween, AssJimmy Carr, via Twitter
 
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Things get out of hand so quickly. I once heard of a girl who lied to her husband about how she got pregnant, and now there's an entire religion.

ReligionJimmy Carr
 
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