Quotes by Jim Halpert

I'm not going to tell my nine-months-pregnant wife that I find her replacement objectively attractive. Just like I'm not going to tell my two-year-old daughter that violent video games are objectively more fun. It's true, but it doesn't help anybody.

Pam: "Jim and I have never and will never have sex in the office."
Jim: "No, because the office isn't what I'd consider a romantic place."
Pam: "Besides, we have something those other people don't have, which is a home and a bed."
Jim: "And a shower."

I am on the first hot sale streak of my life. I think it all comes from feeding CeCe, because no matter how much she resists, I sell her those carrots. Let's be honest - if I can make mushed carrots seem better than a boob... I can pretty much sell anything.

Michael and Jan seem to be playing their own separate game and it's called "let's see how uncomfortable we can make our guests". And they're both winning.

Dwight: "Second Life is not a game. It is a multi-user virtual environment. It doesn't have points or scores. It doesn't have winners of losers."
Jim: "Oh, it has losers."

I've got three cases of imported beer. Karaoke Maschine. And I didn't invite Michael. So three ingredients for a great party.

Dwight: "Forget everything you thought you knew about ab workouts."
Jim: "Done."

It's not really a date if the girl goes home to her fiancé. Right?

Dwight: "Where is my desk? This is not funny. This is totally unprofessional."
Jim: "Okay. Well, you're the one who lost the desk."

This is so sad. This is the smallest amount of power I've ever seen go to someone's head.

Everything Dwight does annoys me. And I spend hours thinking of ways to get back at him, but only in ways that would get me arrested.

Jim: "Last night on 'Trading Spouses', there's...- have you seen it?"
Pam: "No, I have a life."
Jim: "Interesting. What's that like?"

If I left, what would I do with all this useless information in my head? You know? Tonnage price of manila folders?