The best Quotes by Jessi Klein

Women have problem areas in a way that men don't. We have big hips and muffin tops. Men just have the thing where they create wars and wreak havoc all over the globe.

Everyone wants to say they hate lawyers, and yet I've never met a parent who didn't want their kid to be a lawyer.

No wonder the city never sleeps, it's too busy trying to get laid.

There are eight million people in this city. And those teeming masses exist for the sole purpose of lifting the few exceptional people onto their shoulders.

If I can make it there
I'll make it anywhere
It's up to you
New York, New York

Manhattan, for millions of our forefathers, the gateway to hope, opportunity and happiness beyond their wildest dreams. Today, that hope is still alive, it's called "The First Date". On Saturday nights, every restaurant in Lower Manhattan resembles its own little Ellis Island.

I want to wake up in that city
That doesn't sleep
And find I'm king of the hill
Top of the heap

In a city that moves so fast, you get the Sunday paper on Saturday - how did any of us know how much time we had left?

We are New Yorkers. Proud citizens of the greatest city on earth. Thinking big isn't new to us. It is the very foundation of who we are.

Regardless of our differences, this was still New York. A melting pot crammed onto an island, then pushed into a subway car with a rat eating pizza. You're not left or right. You're a New f*cking Yorker and we're in this together.

Do you know how bad that coffee has to be to to be considered a health risk in New York? This is the same city where pizza gets delivered by a rat!

I don't wanna f*ck it up because one of us didn't prepare for the slim possibility of New York City traffic!

I remember Hell's Kitchen when you couldn't walk west of Ninth Avenue without getting knifed. Now it's Chelsea with better gays.

Most people come to New York to be discovered. The rest of us come here to hide.

It's fascinating to see how versatile New York City is. It lends itself to being so many different places!

The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.

I love New York; I love the city. It's impossible. It's a theme park of a city.

Being a single girl in New York... it's what you should be doing in your twenties!

People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.

No place epitomizes the American experience and the American spirit more than New York City.

In New York City, a lot of people think 'the great outdoors' is the area between your front door and a taxi cab.

A real New Yorker likes the sound of a garbage truck in the morning.

New York is my favorite city in the world.

I find it hard to relax. I live in New York.

L.A., it's nice, but I think of sunshine and people on rollerblades eating sushi. New York, I think of nighttime, I think of Times Square and Broadway and nightlife and the city that never sleeps.

New York in spring and autumn is absolutely beautiful, but the winter is absolutely depressing.

Everyone goes on about how Bombay is so similar to New York, so I had see what the big deal was. The bustling crowds are the same, but it's a lot quieter, it's a lot cleaner, and it's not humid. I think the energy is very similar to Bombay.

When I was a kid, this was always my dream: to live in New York.

There were a couple of things I needed to do while I was in New York. One was to have a pizza pie, one was to get a tattoo and get a Yankees hat.

You can't live in New York City and be the most important person in town; you just can't. There are too many other important people here.

I came to New York and in only hours, New York did what it does to people: awakened the possibilities. Hope breaks out.

New York, the nation's thyroid gland.

You should never trust a woman who just had her heart broken. We tend to lie.

When a woman quits on a man, she either got enough of him or she didn't get enough from him.

A jealous female can be tricked into everything.

A woman can be gorgeous at 19, charmimg at 29, but only at 39 she is irresistible for the rest of her life. And no woman that has been irresistible, ever turns older than 39.

The most beautiful clothes that can dress a woman are the arms of the man she loves. But for those who haven't had the fortune of finding this happiness, I am there.

Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free, until they find someone just as wild to run with.

When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute and it's longer than any hour. That's relativity.

Lisa: "What was your booth for again?"
Tom: "It was free legal advice. I'm a lawyer."
Lisa: "So you are a creep."

Those who understand the rules can delineate boundaries, and identify gray areas.

Lawyers are like nuclear weapons, I've got em 'cause everyone else has. But as soon as you use them they screw everything up.

We're lawyers. Managing risk is what we do.

Attorneys are human. They're different from judges and prosecutors. We all add the legal field, but while judges and prosecutors work to safeguard the law, attorneys work to shield the people.

Phillip Banks: "Going to college isn't just about finding a job. It's about finding yourself, and finding what you do best that makes a contribution to the community. It shouldn't be just about money."
Will: "You really believe that, Uncle Phil?"
Phillip Banks: "Yes, son, I really do."
Will: "Then how do you explain becoming a lawyer?"

A student from the University of Washington has sold his soul on eBay for $400. He's a law student, so he probably doesn't need it.

One candidate is too old and mentally unfit to be president. The other one is me.

What do you call an Asian Dwayne Johnson?
The Wok.

I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror.

When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life.