Quote by Jerry Seinfeld (about Family)

Quote by Jerry Seinfeld (about Family)

There is no such thing as fun for the WHOLE family.

Jerry Seinfeld

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It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

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My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.

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A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

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Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?

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Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

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If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

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Marriage is like a game of chess. Except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.

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You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, "See if you can blow this out."

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A bookstore is one of the only pieces of physical evidence we have that people are still thinking.

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George: "She calls me up at my office. She says, 'We have to talk.'"
Jerry: "Ugh. The four worst words in the English language."
George: "That or 'Whose bra is this?'"
Jerry: "That's worse."

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Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can't do it in one push; you gotta rock it back and forth a few times and then it goes over.

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Women don't respect salad eaters.

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George: "Why do they make the condom packets so hard to open?"
Jerry: "Probably to give the woman a chance to change her mind."

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George: "You're gonna over-dry your laundry."
Jerry: "You can't over-dry."
George: "Why not?"
Jerry: "Same reason you can't over-wet."

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George: "You've got to apologize."
Jerry: "Why?"
George: "Because it's the mature and adult thing to do."
Jerry: "How does that affect me?"

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That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.

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The addition of nuts in salad... I always find to be beneficial.

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Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad.

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Women love a self-confident bald man.

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I don't take on big things. What I do, pretty much, is make the big things small and the small things big.

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Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

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You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you.

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Kim Jong-un is very isolated in his own country. He's the only obese person in North Korea.

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One of the main differences between Munich and Berlin is that when thousands of people get drunk in silly clothes and start vomitting, we don't call it "Oktoberfest", we call it "Tuesday".

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To never be sick can't be healthy.

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A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.

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Life is so damn short. For f's sake, just do what makes you happy!

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Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me.

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This is the end of Wladimir Putin.

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People say that money changes people. It really doesn't. Money don't change people. Money allows you to be more of who you really are. If you're a kind person when you get a lot of money, you become a kinder person. If you're an a-shole when you get a lot of money, you become a big a-shole. When you see rich people acting like a-sholes it's 'cause they've always been one.

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Life is too short to worry about what others say about you. Have fun and give them something to talk about.

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Spotify, the app with the entire history of recorded music that you only use to listen to four songs that you liked in high school.

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Where I'm from? A little town called none of yo god damn business.

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The last person that was excited about a check with Donald Trump's name on it was Stormy Daniels.

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Anyone who tells you fatherhood is the greatest thing that can happen to you, they are understating it.

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People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

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Some a-hole leaks it online and I'm like, you know, looking at the guy in the mirror brushing my teeth, "Dude, what have you done? This could be punishable by law!" But the internet forced the studio to say, "We're gonna make this movie", and 24 hours later, that movie had a green light.

Ryan Reynolds - September 2025

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