The best Quotes by Jay Bilzerian

If I was gonna f*ck a turkey, I would warm it up, like a goddamn gentleman!

Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 1

Gay Town sounds fun, but I've thought a lot about it, and I belong in Biami.

Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 8

Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 9

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Andrew: "Jay's been bragging that he's gonna get fingered at the dance."
Nick: "What? First of all, I think he's got that wrong. Either that or you have grossly misquoted him."

Nick Birch in Big Mouth - Season 1 Episode 1

Those girls are gonna eat him alive, and then barf him out because they're bulimic.

Jessi Glaser in Big Mouth - Season 1 Episode 1

I'm not gonna ask a girl. I don't need that kind of rejection.

Andrew Glouberman in Big Mouth - Season 1 Episode 1

Jay: "How else are men supposed to get bj0bs?"
Maury: "You lean your head back, arch your crotch in the air and say, 'Dinner is served'."

Maury the Hormone Monster in Big Mouth - Season 1 Episode 8

I gotta withhold my seed for the safety of mankind.

Andrew Glouberman in Big Mouth - Season 4 Episode 8

"Sorry, bro, she wants a real man. Ninth grade, top of the food chain."
Nick: "Um, actually, sweets and fats are at the top of the food chain."
Andrew: "Oh, poor Nick. He's confusing the food pyramid with the food chain."

Big Mouth - Season 1 Episode 1

Andrew: "When you do kiss a girl, to make it official..."
Nick: "...there's gotta be tongue!"
Andrew: "Major tongue."
Nick: "You want to flick your tongue around."
Andrew: "Ideally."
Nick: "And you really want to get your tongue underneath hers too."
Andrew: "Yeah, you want to get in there like a Claritin to just dissolve."
Nick: "Yeah. We know what we're talking about."
Andrew: "It's nice to talk like men."

Big Mouth - Season 1 Episode 1

I am not a kid, for your information. I am 60 years old. I remember when Moses was president.

Jessi Glaser in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 8

You're gonna sit on his face and use that hair as a seat belt.

Maury the Hormone Monster in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 10

Puberty Fairy?! I'm the hormone monster. I'm no fairy. I mean sure I like to f*ck around with dudes, but I'm no fairy.

Maury the Hormone Monster in Big Mouth - Season 1 Episode 1

Nick: "I mean until Trump got elected, Harriet Tubman was going to be on the $20 bill."
Andrew: "Oh yeah, what happened with that?"
Nick: "I think it's gonna be Papa John now."

Nick Birch in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 7

Harriet Tubman

I know this all seems embarrassing right now but maybe one day you'll look back on this time fondly and perhaps even make something beautiful out of it.

Maury the Hormone Monster in Big Mouth

You somehow made farting even cooler!

Maury the Hormone Monster in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 11

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, quote, "Do one thing every day that scares you," closed quote. And I think this red bra scares both of us.

Jessi Glaser in Big Mouth

Eleanor Roosevelt

What is the point of research papers? Every thing's on Wikipedia, and it's all completely accurate.

Nick Birch in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 6

Wikipedia

Kids just don't nut like they used to.

Maury the Hormone Monster in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 7

I actually enjoyed being alone, solitude allowed me to think about important things.

Sheldon Cooper in Young Sheldon - Season 1 Episode 2

Solitude & Loneliness

Of course, nobody I knew in East-Texas in 1989 cared about Newtonian Physics. The only Newtons they cared about were Wayne and Fig.

Sheldon Cooper in Young Sheldon - Season 1 Episode 1

Texas

Connie: "Does he even know you like him?"
Missy: "I don't know. I've ignored him, been mean to him. What else can I do?"

Missy Cooper in Young Sheldon - Season 6 Episode 4

Whoa, and the '70s are back. All we need are the Bee Gees and bell-bottoms and it's Studio 54.

June Ballard in Young Sheldon - Season 5 Episode 10

70s

When a Texan gets knocked off a horse, he gets right back on. That is the second most important thing about bein' a Texan, right after thinkin' you're better than everybody else.

Sheldons Großmutter "Meemaw" in Young Sheldon - Season 4 Episode 8

Texas

Butterflies are just worms that can chase you.

Sheldon Cooper in Young Sheldon - Season 4 Episode 7

Butterflies

Sweat is the urine of the skin.

Sheldon Cooper in Young Sheldon - Season 4 Episode 3

Sweating Skin

"Did you grow up in Texas?"
Meemaw: "Took my first bath in a ten-gallon hat."

Sheldons Großmutter "Meemaw" in Young Sheldon - Season 2 Episode 13

Texas

Wrong? We're in Florida. The state bird is a chicken finger.

Maury the Hormone Monster in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 5

Florida

Smile, but with your p3nis.

Maury the Hormone Monster in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 6

I just wish you could see your d1ck the way I do.

Maury the Hormone Monster in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 6

My whole body is tense, like Joe Biden is whispering a dirty joke in my ear.

Andrew Glouberman in Big Mouth - Season 4 Episode 8

Joe Biden

Listen to me! You want to shoplift lipstick, you want to listen to Lana Del Rey on repeat while you cut up all your t-shirts. You want to scream at your mother and then laugh at her tears!

Connie in Big Mouth

Lana Del Rey

Leonard: "For God's sake, Sheldon, do I have to... hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?"
Sheldon: "You have a sarcasm sign?"

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 2

Sarcasm

Leonard: "I've dated plenty of women. There was Joyce Kim... Leslie Winkle..."
Sheldon: "Notify the editors of the Oxford English Dictionary. The word 'plenty' has been redefined to mean 'two.'"

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 2 Episode 2

Leslie Winkle

Oh, gravity, thou art a heartless b*tch!

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 2

Gravity

Sheldon: "Texas, Oklahoma... what's the difference?"
Meemaw: "Hey, now, I think you might want to crack open your psychology textbook 'cause that there is crazy talk."

Sheldons Großmutter "Meemaw" in Young Sheldon - Season 2 Episode 9

Texas Oklahoma

George: "As soon as I graduate High-School, I'm gonna be a professional male-model."
Meemaw: "That is hilarious."
George: "What? I'm good looking."
Meemaw: "No, that you think you'll graduate High-School."

Sheldons Großmutter "Meemaw" in Young Sheldon - Season 1 Episode 10

What if Einstein's parents had held him back? We wouldn't even have the... - I was gonna say "atomic bomb", but there's probably a better example.

Sheldons Großmutter "Meemaw" in Young Sheldon - Season 1 Episode 10

Nuclear Weapons

Missy Cooper: "I don't want to die, I've only kissed one boy so far."
Mary Cooper: "What?!"
Missy Cooper: "Relax, it was a long time ago."

Missy Cooper in Young Sheldon - Season 1 Episode 6

The best Quotes by Jay Bilzerian

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