The best Quotes by James Stinson

Barney: "You avoiding the family too?"
James: "I'm gay, I'm black and I'm getting a divorce. Those walking skeletons are gonna have more questions for me than their pharmacists."

How I Met Your Mother - Season 9 Episode 3

Homosexuality & LGBTQ+Divorce

The Pork Authority is closed. Looks like it's Hand Central Station for you little buddy.

How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 7

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It's only once you've stopped, that you realize how hard it is to start again. So you force yourself not to want it.

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Episode 3

Breakup Beginning

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother - Season 9 Episode 17

If you're looking for the word that means caring for someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want, no matter how much it destroys you, it's love!

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother - Season 9 Episode 17

Love

Barney: "Our wedding is gonna be legendary."
Robin: "No wait for it?"
Barney: "I've got you, I don't have to wait for it anymore."

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother - Season 9 Episode 1

Love declerations

Kids, you can't cling to the past. Because no matter how tight you hold on... it's already gone.

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 23

Memories Past

Underneath all of those lies is one true thing. One true thing that can support the weight of all the lies in the world, and that's the fact that I love you.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 18

Love declerations

Nobody likes to be alone, especially after a breakup. But that's when we discover who we really are and what we really want.

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother - Season 5 Episode 10

Breakup Solitude & Loneliness Seperation & Breakup

When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True Story.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother - Season 2 Episode 1

You know how sometimes you'll meet a girl and there'll be that one bewitching little detail that'll make you fall in love with her instantly? You know, a little freckle on the nose, the lilt of her laugh, the way she pronounces a certain word or phrase...

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 21

Falling in love

This woman has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted to, and there have been times that I wanted to.
It has been overwhelming and humbling and even painful at times, but I could not stop loving her any more than I could stop breathing.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 6

Love Love declerations

The beauty of a moment, is that it's fleeting.

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother - Season 1 Episode 14

Moments

Barney: "Ted what is my one rule?"
Ted: "You can tell how old a girl is by her elbows?"
Barney: "My other one rule."
Ted: "Flax seed relieves upset stomach?"
Barney: "My other one rule."
Ted: "Always have a fake pair of concert tickets in your pocket in case Lily invites you to something stupid?"
Barney: "My other one rule."
Ted: "Labanese girls sprint to third base and then stay there."
Barney: "My other one rule."
Ted: "New is always better?"
Barney: "New is always better!"

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 18

If we're together long enough I hope that one day you see yourself like I do.

Kevin in How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 10

Love declerations Valentine's Day

I am not gay. Although I wish I were, just to piss off homophobes.

Kurt Cobain

Homosexuality & LGBTQ+Homophobia

Do we have to know who's gay and who's straight? Can't we just love everybody and judge them by the car they drive?

Ellen DeGeneres

Tolerance Homosexuality & LGBTQ+Cars

Gay-marriage - great. I approve that, no problem. But you have to be gay for that!

Joko Winterscheidt in Joko & Klaas - Duell um die Welt, 30. November 2013

Homosexuality & LGBTQ+

I've given my memoirs far more thought than any of my marriages. You can't divorce a book.

Gloria Swanson

Divorce

It's like my dad always says: "Always give a hundred percent, unless you're donating blood or getting a divorce."

Pitch Perfect

Divorce

Religion is stupid anyway. I mean, a virgin gets pregnant by a ghost! You would never get away with that in a divorce court.

Lemmy Kilmister

Religion Divorce

Ted: "My mother is not one-night-stand material!"
Barney: "Yeah, you're right. It wasn't night and we weren't standing."

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 14

Seven years ago when Marshall and Lily got engaged Ted saw Robin across a crowded room and I said 'oh yeah you just know she likes it dirty', but Ted really liked her, so we played 'Have You met Ted?' They went to dinner, he walked her home, should have kissed her, didn't - lame.
So he stole the Smurf penis, went back to her place, should have kissed her, didn't - lame.
He threw three parties, they kissed on the roof but decided to be friends - lame.
Then Ted wanted to take Robin to a wedding, she couldn't go, he went alone and met Victoria. Didn't kiss her either - lame.
Not a great closer Ted. Then he finally kissed her, they started dating, she went to Germany. Ted kissed Robin, lost Victoria, Ted did a rain dance, got Robin. Ted and Robin broke up, Robin moved to Brazil came back with a Latin stud.
Ted got jealous, got a tramp stamp, not really relevant to the story I just like mentioning it as much as possible. I hooked up with Robin, Ted and I stopped being friends, Ted got hit by a bus, we made up... Robin and I started dating and I got fat, her hair fell out, we broke up. Robin dated Don, I dated Nora. I cheated on her with Robin, I dumped Nora. Robin dated Kevin but not for long and then I met you and you took my Grandpa's watch, but I fell in love with you anyway and you let me fart in front of you and I asked you to marry me and you said 'yes', so we came over here to meet little Marvin and that's everything. Also I went on the Price Is Right and I won a dune buggy.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 1

Barney: "Let me choose your child's middle name! Because I have thought up the most awesome name of all time."
Marshall: "What's the middle name?"
Barney: "Wait for it."
Marshall: "I'm waiting."
Barney: "Wait for it."
Marshall: "I said I'm waiting."
Barney: "Wait for it."
Marshall: "What's the middle name?"
Barney: "No, the middle name is 'Wait For It'. Let's say his first name is, oh, I don't know, 'Barney'. He'd be Barney 'Wait For It' Eriksen. How awesome is that?"

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 23

When you date someone, it's like you're taking one long course in who that person is and then, when you break up, all that stuff becomes useless. It's the emotional equivalent of an English degree...

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother - Season 5 Episode 3

Relationships

Kids, you can't talk yourself into falling in love. It doesn't take days of deliberation. When it's real, you know pretty quickly and with absolute certainty.
I had forgotten that, but I was about to be reminded...

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 2

Love Falling in love

I don't wanna be choosing between two girls, I wanna be a complete head over heels idiot for one!

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 2

Love

Well, maybe this isn't a breakup. Maybe this is two friends getting back together.

Robin Scherbatsky in How I Met Your Mother - Season 5 Episode 7

Friendship Relationships

Marshall: "When a woman puts on an engagement ring, it's like when Bilbo Baggins wears the One Ring in The Hobbit."
Robin: "Okay, can you say that again, but not in nerd?"
Marshall: "Sure. Uh, the ring is like the cloak that Harry Potter wears to sneak around Hogwarts."
Robin: "Yeah, I don't speak virgin either."

Robin Scherbatsky in How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 14

Bilbo Baggins The Hobbit Nerds Quotes about Harry Potter Quotes about Lord of the Rings

I know our relationship isn't exactly what you want it to be. And I know I may not love you the way you love me, but I DO love you. Isn't that worth hanging on to?

Robin Scherbatsky in How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 22

Marshall: "It's kind of a big, professional meeting. You might want to trade out that lollipop for a shirt."
Ted: "Yeah. I'll just give it to one of these kids."
Marshall: "Oh, buddy. You're half naked, you're not a parent to any of these children. Don't offer 'em candy!"

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 9

Being naked

When you do one good deed, it creates a ripple effect. One good deed leads to another and another.

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 8

Being nice

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 7

Fish

Your heart's talking to you, Barney. Do you have the guts to listen to it?

Lily Aldrin in How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Episode 18

Lily: "Just give me his name!"
Robin: "Fine. It's Bill Pepper."
Lily: "Kind of a coincidence there happens to be a bill and a pepper shaker here on the table. Any chance you and Bill had a three-way with Fork Napkin?"

Lily Aldrin in How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Episode 7

Marshall: "I don't care if the dishes aren't done, okay? If you care, you do it."
Lily: "Great, then I don't care if you have an org*sm. If you care, you do it."

Lily Aldrin in How I Met Your Mother - Season 5 Episode 6

Quinn: "In the event of divorce, Miss Garvey shall get full custody of Mr. Stinson's suits."
Barney: "Why? What would you do with them?"
Quinn: "Nothing. I'd just sit around and watch them go out of style."

Quinn Garvey in How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 2

Suits

If we miss Hawaii because of this, guess who's not doing "The Disappearing Salami" anytime soon?

Quinn Garvey in How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 24

Barney: "The Disappearing Salami... Mr. Flanagan's wife shot him before he could ever tell me what the trick was."
Quinn: "Yeah, that guy was banging your mom!"

Quinn Garvey in How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 24

Ted: "Robin and I already had our backslide. Last Thanksgiving, not even that long ago."
Stella: "Did you place a large bet against yourself?"

Stella Zinman in How I Met Your Mother - Season 4 Episode 5

Ted: "We can do it against the door. It will be hot. It will be like a three-way: you, me and the door."
Stella: "Yeah, but then it's going to be weird between me and the door tomorrow."

Stella Zinman in How I Met Your Mother - Season 3 Episode 18

The baby slide right out, huh? It's like a 'whoosh', like a waterslide. [Lily screaming] Slightly painful waterslide.

Dr. Sonya in How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 23

If you don't push, I will shove that baby up your throat and pull it out of your mouth!

Dr. Sonya in How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 23

If you start deporting every shady looking guy with questionable tattoos, who's gonna go to Jets games?

Jordan Klepper in The Daily Show

New York Jets

One downside of our big brains is we're the only creatures who are aware that death is inevitable. Although, if you lined ten dogs in a row and shot them one by one, the dog on the end would probably get the gist by about dog four.

Philomena Cunk in Cunk On Life - Episode 1

Brain

The best Quotes by James Stinson

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