Quotes and Sayings about Jägermeister

Alex: "What's Jagermeister?"
Phil: "Well, you know how in a fairytale there's always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep and then the guys start kissing her? Well, this is like that, except you don't wake up in a castle, you wake up in a frat house with a bad reputation."

To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!

Everything's better with some wine in the belly.

Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

'That's the problem with drinking', I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen.

The damage has been done. All that's left to do now is drink until the part of the brain that creates mental pictures is dead.

Alcohol is for people who can afford to lose a few brain-cells.

It is not true that drink changes a man's character. It may reveal it more clearly.

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

That's what I do. I drink and I know things.

Drinking alone is like sh*tting in company.

Basically, I'm for anything that gets you through the night - be it prayer, tranquilizers or a bottle of Jack Daniels.

That's all drugs and alcohol do, they cut off your emotions in the end.

A man's true character comes out when he's drunk.

All right, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.

No, I'm not drunk at all. You're just blurry.

Bean: "I just realized something. You're the reason I have a drinking problem."
Zøg: "Of course I am. I'm your father."

You can’t drink him away. It won’t work.

A kid once said to me, 'Do you get hangovers?' I said, 'To get hangovers you have to stop drinking.'

Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says 'love your enemy'.

The sway of alcohol over mankind is unquestionably due to its power to stimulate the mystical faculties of human nature, usually crushed to earth by the cold facts and dry criticisms of the sober hour.

It’s a great advantage not to drink among hard drinking people.

Too bad drinking scotch isn't a paying job, or else Kenny's dad would be a millionaire!

My justification is that most people my age spend a lot of time thinking about what they're going to do for the next five or ten years. The time they spend thinking about their life, I just spend drinking.

I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.

Anyone who doesn't appreciate a good quality booze, doesn't deserve to drink it.

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

There is nothing left to do but get drunk.

The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

Lois: "Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk!"
Peter: "That's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk!"

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

The good news is, Luke has his bike.
More good news, I taught some random kid a valuable lesson by stealing his bike.

Sometimes I don't know if I love how much I fear Claire, or fear how much I love her.

Phil: "Little heads up - there's no way I'm not crying at this wedding."
Claire: "Phil, you cried on the way here."
Phil: "I was on the brink already. I watched 'Dirty Dancing' before we left."

I'm a cool dad. That's my thang. I surf the web... I text LOL - Laugh Out Loud, OMG - Oh My God, WTF - Why The Face.

Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration, and 2% attention to detail.

Jay: "I got you a little gift to celebrate. I know it’s not much...-"
Gloria: "It’s practically nothing!"

Mitchell: "We didn't just go to Vietnam for pleasure. We kinda have some big news."
Jay: "Oh God, if Cam comes out there with boobs, I'm leaving."

Phil: "What a beautiful dress."
Gloria: "Thank you, Phil."
Phil: "Oh, okay."
Claire: "Phil! She said Phil, not feel!"

Gloria: "It seemd like all what we did was fight and make love. One time, I'm not kidding you, we fell out of the window together."
Jay: "Which one were you doing?"

Mitchell: "It's been five years now and he still does this thing were he announces himself before walking into any room we're in, just to make sure he doesn't ever see us kiss."
Cameron: "Wish my mother had that system. Remember?"

Mitchell: "we've decided we really wanted to have a baby so, we initially asked one of our lesbian friends to be a surrogate."
Cameron: "Then we figured, they already mean enough, can you imagine one of them pregnant?"

Alex: "Luke got his head stuck in the banister again."
Phil: "I got it. Where's the babyoil?"
Claire: "It's on our bedside tip- I Don't know, find it!"

Sal: "Does Lily have any other plates? I don't let Sammy eat off this plastic."
Pepper: "How does she breastfeed him if she doesn't let him near plastic?"