The best Quotes and Captions from Jackass

Concussions aren't great, but as long as you have them before you're 50, it's cool. And Knoxville's 49, so we're good.

Hi sweetie, I'm gonna inseminate you artificially... maybe for real if you play your cards right.

I think I'm a little concussed.

You don't matter... in fact, in about 20 seconds you're not even gonna be matter.

There's no such thing as a "pretty good" gator wrestler!

They say Poland is the Mexico of Europe. I'm not sure of what that means, but I like it.

Bam Margera: "Oh, dude! My fing tailbone is seriously broken! I'm not even kidding!"
Ryan Dunn: "He broke his tailbone! That's alright, we don't have tails anymore, what's the point of having one?"

So, we've driven an hour north from Miami to Boca Raton, believe it or not, to film Steve-O jump into nine days worth of elephant poo.

Did you see the way I stopped the beanbag with my stomach? That's instinct. You can't teach that!

Now I know what it feels like to be my liver!

I'm seriously going to die right now.

Oh dude, you look like an egg with legs!

I'm sick of the whole pooping thing... I'm gonna go get my butt cheeks pierced together.

Since we no longer have to bleep cuss words, I promise I will get my mom to say, "f-" by the end of this movie.

That guy right there is the best damn roller skater ever. Maybe even in the whole town.

Bam Margera: "Now these rocket skates are going to be a little different than the last."
Johnny Knoxville: "You using different bottle rockets?"
Bam Margera: "Nope. Just more of 'em."

Scott Potasnik: "You guys are gonna hate me an hour from now."
Johnny Knoxville: "We hate you already."

Hi, I'm Ryan Dunn, and I'm about to get the shit kicked out of me by a girl.

It's like when your parents said "I'm not mad at you, just disappointed." You know that hurt so much more.

That had bad news written all over it!

You were about five feet short of a ten-foot jump.

I am so glad I turned this idea down!

You're the crappiest human bowling ball I ever saw in my whole life!

I feel like my eyes have gonorrhea.

Hi, it's cold in Japan, so we're going to warm ourselves up with some fireworks.

Whose d do I gotta suck to get some explosions around here?

Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, welcome to Jackass!

Steve-O: "We wanted to see if you would run."
Ryan Dunn: "I'm not running anywhere with a toy car shoved up my butt."

Johnny Knoxville: "Is this the worst you've ever had to go boom-boom?"
Dave England: "No man. I shit my pants at the fair."

Hi, I'm Bunny the Lifeguard, any of these alligators try to ruin our swimming, I'm gonna wrestle them down, and probably have my way with them.

I'm Raab Himself and I'm a complete fing idiot!

Fail to prepare, prepare to fail.