The best Quotes by Carrot Top

Some people even think I wear a wig. Do they think I went into a salon one day and said, "Can you please screw this up really bad?"

I'd love to be animated. I've always wanted to jump off of a bridge and not be hurt, like Bugs Bunny.

Everyone has the gift of laughter inside of them. All the world is a prop.

I have to go out for lunch and dinner because I can't cook. I need a woman to come and save me from my cooking.

It's our nature: Human beings like success but they hate successful people.

People do give me a hard time about my hair because it's orange and it's big.

I've experienced plenty of times when something I think is funny doesn't do very well. And there are times when something I don't think is funny makes the audience laugh so hard.

I love to shop, especially in retro stores. I have about a million pairs of old-school sports shoes like Adidas, so that's probably my biggest vice.

When I told my friends I was going to be a comedian, they laughed at me.

Carrot Top is a nickname that people call me and I thought that it was more marketable.

I always thought marketing in general was an interesting kind of thing. I always liked commercials and billboards.

I always make fun of KISS because I don't particularly think their music is anything.

Comics don't like to see other comics do well.

I have a home in Orlando. That's kind of my default "getaway" city.

There's something that I need to ask you and I want you to be honest with me. Why do white people like Carrot Top?

Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive!

I know this defies the law of gravity, but I never studied law!

Of course I talk to myself. Because sometimes, I need expert advice.

So you call yourself a mounty. He he he, you can't catch me. Why, you couldn't even catch a cold.

Well, what did you expect in an opera? A happy ending?

Comedians are really writers who don't have pens and pencils about them, but they riff.

Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

You know, I've never thought of myself as a comedian.

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Barney: "Our wedding is gonna be legendary."
Robin: "No wait for it?"
Barney: "I've got you, I don't have to wait for it anymore."

Underneath all of those lies is one true thing. One true thing that can support the weight of all the lies in the world, and that's the fact that I love you.

It's only once you've stopped, that you realize how hard it is to start again. So you force yourself not to want it.

If you're looking for the word that means caring for someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want, no matter how much it destroys you, it's love!

Kids, you can't cling to the past. Because no matter how tight you hold on... it's already gone.

Don't ever let a recipe tell you how much garlic to put in. You measure that with your heart.

Do I look like someone who cooks? I can open a can of Coke Light, that's it.

Success is all about having the confidence to shoot for something even if it seems impossible.

The secret behind success isn't as much of a secret as people think. It's pretty simple. It's working as hard as you can to accomplish what you want.

I can literally say antisemitic shit and they can't drop me. Now what?

Put on your Adidas and step off.

Liking comic books is popular, environmental awareness, being tolerant. If I was just born ten years later, I would have been the coolest person ever.

Juan: "I'm not a child."
Sarkov: "No, you are a grown man who makes comic books for a living."
Juan: "Graphic novels."
Sarkov: "Okay."

I have nothing against Orlando, though you are, of course, far more likely to get shot or robbed there than in London.

The toughest part for me is the city - the people. They've got burgers named after me in Orlando, they've got a Web site saying, "Please stay." I love the people in the city. I've literally sat on the bench with a towel on my head crying, because I feel the passion in the stands.

Kim Jong-un is very isolated in his own country. He's the only obese person in North Korea.

One of the main differences between Munich and Berlin is that when thousands of people get drunk in silly clothes and start vomitting, we don't call it "Oktoberfest", we call it "Tuesday".

To never be sick can't be healthy.

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.

Life is so damn short. For f's sake, just do what makes you happy!

Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me.

This is the end of Wladimir Putin.

People say that money changes people. It really doesn't. Money don't change people. Money allows you to be more of who you really are. If you're a kind person when you get a lot of money, you become a kinder person. If you're an a-shole when you get a lot of money, you become a big a-shole. When you see rich people acting like a-sholes it's 'cause they've always been one.

Life is too short to worry about what others say about you. Have fun and give them something to talk about.

One candidate is too old and mentally unfit to be president. The other one is me.