The best Quotes by Robert Burns

Freedom and whisky gang thegither!

Suspense is worse than disappointment.

His locked, lettered, braw brass collar, Shewed him the gentleman and scholar.

Affliction's sons are brothers in distress; A brother to relieve, how exquisite the bliss!

Man's inhumanity to man makes countless thousands mourn!

There is no such uncertainty as a sure thing.

Every time you kiss me, it's like sunshine and whiskey.

Look, for the last time: We have nothing to protect but our honor. So you can take your cheap horse piss that you call "whiskey" which, by the way, is spelled without an "e" and is nothing compared to a Single Malt Scotch and you can go fk yourself.

They say God invented whiskey to stop the Irish from rulin' the world.

Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.

I wish to live to 150 years old, but the day I die, I wish it to be with a cigarette in one hand and a glass of whiskey in the other.

Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whisky, and a dog to eat the rare steak.

So much I like to drink Scotch that sometimes I think my name is Igor Stra-whiskey.

One good thing about rain in Scotland. Most of it ends up as scotch.

What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for.

Lenny Feder: "Doctor, wouldn't it be nice if there was a cure for anger?"
Dr. Larry: "There is. It's called Jack Daniels."

I got some scotch. Aged eighteen years. The way I like it.

Mel: "Any chance of getting a cosmo?"
Jack: "Nope. Not unless you brought your own Cointreau."
Mel: "I did not. So, mixed drinks are not...-"
Jack: "Not our thing. But I have all the boys: Johnnie, Jack, and Jim."

Whisky's good proofing water. Tells you who's real and who isn't.

Whisky to a Scotsman is as innocent as milk to the rest of the human race.

Whiskey is liquid sunshine.

Stop your nonsense and drink your whiskey!

Bean: "Wow, that's the best soup I ever had!"
Dagmar: "It's Whiskey."

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.

Disappoint someone - whatever. And disappoint the world. But never disappoint yourself!

Experience has taught me that wishful thinking only leads to disappointment.

No expectations, no disappointments.

We all have to live with our disappointments. I have to sleep with mine.

You can't dwell on disappointment. You've got to take the positives and keep looking ahead.

I think making mistakes is as inevitable as receiving disappointments.

One candidate is too old and mentally unfit to be president. The other one is me.

What do you call an Asian Dwayne Johnson?
The Wok.

I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror.

When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life.

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.

I tried phone sex - it gave me an ear infection.

During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else.

I like to read biographies of authors that I love, like Richard Yates. I also like to see what non-fiction authors are out there. My bible is Something Happened. It's one of the greatest books I've ever read. But if I don't read a Dostoevsky soon I'm going to kill myself.