The best Quotes by John Cleese

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.

I think that money spoils most things, once it becomes the primary motivating force.

The Americans all love 'The Holy Grail', and the English all love 'Life Of Brian', and I'm afraid on this one, I side with the English.

I don't miss London much. I find it crowded, vast and difficult to get around. Cabs are incredibly expensive.

A wonderful thing about true laughter is that it just destroys any kind of system of dividing people.

You don't have to be the Dalai Lama to tell people that life's about change.

He who laughs most, learns best.

The most creative people have this childlike facility to play.

I think you can write very good comedy without a partner, but what I love about it, working with a partner, is that you get to places you'd never get on your own. It's like when God was designing the world and decided we couldn't have children without a partner; it was a way of mixing up the genes so you'd get a more interesting product.

I'm always meeting new people, and my list of friends seems to change quite a bit.

They all welcomed me with open arms and immediately put my fears to rest. John Cleese was rather flirty; Michael Palin seemed rather shy; Terry Jones was very jolly; Eric Idle was a tiny bit aloof; Graham Chapman was very polite and Terry Gilliam was very loud and a bit manic.

As the first series progressed I found it was John Cleese who I got on best with and who made me laugh the most. He was the one who would change the most during the course of Python.

'What could possibly go wrong?'
'We could become a fox popsicle.'

I can, and I will. That dream is about to take off!

I loved every minute of Python and owe so much to them.

We're all in our 70s now and even doing 10 shows, with lots of costume changes, is going to be exhausting. And the guys have far more to do than me, obviously. But I have a feeling it might not be the last Python project ever. I wouldn't be surprised if they did another film.

Then there was Michael Palin. Michael is the one who hasn't changed at all. I thought he was - and still is - the cutest of the bunch.

You know, you come from nothing, you're going back to nothing. What have you lost? Nothing!

Brian: "You're all individuals!"
People: "Yes, we're all individuals!"
Brian: "You're all different!"
People: "Yes, we are all different!"
Man: "I'm not."

Centurion: "Crucifixion lasts hours, it's a slow, horrible death."
Matthias: "Well, at least it gets you out in the open air."

Frenchman: "You empty-headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"
Sir Galahad: "Is there someone else up there we can talk to?"
Frenchman: "No! Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!"

Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You yellow bastards come back here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!

"Who's that then?"
"I dunno. Must be a king."
"Why?"
"He hasn't got shit all over him."

Sleep is the best meditation.

When you practice gratefulness, there is a sense of respect toward others.

Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.

My son Jack once said to me, "Dad, do you think people are laughing with you or at you?"
I said, "I don't care as long as they're laughing."

For the soul, laughing is what oxygen is for the lungs.

No day of my life passes without someone saying the words "Monty Python" to me. It's not bad.

The human race should just slow down and think about what it is doing.

What really alarms me about President Bush's "War on Terrorism" is the grammar. How do you wage war on an abstract noun? How is "Terrorism" going to surrender? It's well known, in philological circles, that it's very hard for abstract nouns to surrender.

I've given up asking questions. l merely float on a tsunami of acceptance of anything life throws at me... and marvel stupidly.

There are many people in the country today who, through no fault of their own, are sane. Some of them were born sane. Some of them became sane later in their lives.

What do you mean, "he don't eat no meat"? That's okay. I'll make lamb.

Meat without wine is also a sin.

You know what capitalism is? Gettin' f*cked!

Great companies are built on great products.

As much money and life as you could want! The two things most human beings would choose above all - the trouble is, humans do have a knack of choosing precisely those things that are worst for them.

It is strange with how little notice, good, bad, or indifferent, a man may live and die in London.

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.

Creativity is limitless - for better or worse.

One candidate is too old and mentally unfit to be president. The other one is me.