The best Quotes by Calvin Trillin

I actually think of being funny as an odd turn of mind, like a mild disability, some weird way of looking at the world that you can't get rid of.

The food in such places is so tasteless because the members associate spices and garlic with just the sort of people they're trying to keep out.

I'm more disturbed when people expect me to be serious.

As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.

I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still.

There are many people in the country today who, through no fault of their own, are sane. Some of them were born sane. Some of them became sane later in their lives.

I'm not crazy - my reality is just different from yours.

There is a place like no place on Earth. A land full of wonder, mystery, and danger. Some say to survive it, you need to be as mad as a hatter.

Lord Beckett: "You're mad!"
Jack Sparrow: "Well thats good, cause if I wasn't, this'd probably never work."

You see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push!

Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.

Let us consider that we are all partially insane. It will explain us to each other; it will unriddle many riddles.

No one ever made a difference by being like everyone else.

In order to find some solution to the bullying problem, we’ll have to be more tolerant of ambiguity, subtlety, and strangeness not just in other people but in ourselves. It may be important to your identity that you are a soccer player, but it may be equally important that you can whistle the national anthem backward and make the world’s best spicy popcorn and do a wicked impression of Victoria Beckham. Schools, parents, and educational endeavors should encourage people not just to empathize but to discover and celebrate the weirdness in others and in ourselves. We need not just to think but to live outside the box. Weirdness is good. It keeps things interesting.

Nonsense wakes up the brain cells. And it helps develop a sense of humor, which is awfully important in this day and age.

Normality is a paved toad; It's comfortable to walk, but no flowers grow.

We all go a little mad sometimes.

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living.

Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.

Taking crazy things seriously is a serious waste of time.

Take your job seriously, but don't take yourself too seriously.

Be stupid, be dumb, be funny, if that's who you are. Don't try to be someone that society wants you to be; that's stupid. So be yourself.

In Italy, you know you've found a truly authentic restaurant when they don't have an English menu. In India, it's when there are no utensils and you must eat with your hands.

Dinner's a very intimate activity. It requires a level of connection and eye contact, that sex just doesn't. Call me old-fashioned, but I need to have sex with a girl at least three times before I'll even consider having dinner with her.

Marshall: "Let the dinnertainment begin!"
Barney: "That reminds me there's this other restaurant we should try sometime. What they do is, they cook you a meal, in a little room called a 'kitchen'."

Lip: "Hey, whoa. You really think they deserve your hard-earned money for that service?"
Frank: "Dine and dash?"
Lip: "Bite and bolt."
Frank: "Eat it and beat it?"

I've never been in love... But I imagine it's similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.

My perfect Valentine's Day? I'm at home, three cell phones in front of me, fielding desperate calls from people who want to buy one of the 50 restaurant reservations I made over six months ago.

If you have the power to eat alone in a restaurant, or sit alone in a cinema, then you have the power to do absolutely anything you want in life.

Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like.

It is difficult to get organic food at most restaurants, so when possible, eat at home. When not, do your best.

I like taking risks. I like trying new things, whether it be style or restaurants or whatever.

When I'm hiring a cook for one of my restaurants, and I want to see what they can do, I usually ask them to make me an omelette.

Restaurant bathroom doors should be identified with the words, "men" and "women". Silhouettes and cartoon drawings of sombreros, bowler hats, puffy skirts and pretty mouths do not provide enough information for drunks.

Well, Amanda is going to make Lily a cake, she's a chef! We met when I was at a restaurant last week and I sent some soup back. Luckily she's got such pretty hair I didn't mind eating a little bit of it.

One candidate is too old and mentally unfit to be president. The other one is me.

What do you call an Asian Dwayne Johnson?
The Wok.

I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror.

When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life.

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.

I tried phone sex - it gave me an ear infection.

During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else.

I like to read biographies of authors that I love, like Richard Yates. I also like to see what non-fiction authors are out there. My bible is Something Happened. It's one of the greatest books I've ever read. But if I don't read a Dostoevsky soon I'm going to kill myself.

For 45 years I've worked without an audience.