The best Quotes by Captain Beefheart

I have no neighbours other than animals and Joshua Trees.

When I see a dolphin, I know it's just as smart as I am.

I don't look like a desert person because I stay indoors most of the day and fool around at night. That's what the desert animals do - they don't have a tan either.

You can tell by the kindness of a dog how a human should be.

The stars are matter, we're matter, but it doesn't matter.

California has officially announced that jaywalking is now no longer a crime. So congratulations to the Californians who like walking places. This is great news for the six of you.

New Mexico. It's another state. I mean, it's like California, just less traffic.

We all have our little faults. Mine's in California.

All creative people should be required to leave California for three months every year.

Helsinki may not be as cold as you make it out to be, but California is still a lot nicer. I don't remember the last time I couldn't walk around in shorts all day.

The apparent ease of California life is an illusion, and those who believe the illusion real live here in only the most temporary way.

Things are tough all over, cupcake. An' it rains on the just an' the unjust alike... except in California.

I read the Life magazine articles about free love and free dope in California. At age 20 I drove to Los Angeles.

That's the great thing about California, you can almost go to the mountains and almost go to the beach on the same day.

You know what's remarkable? That England looks in no way like Southern California.

It's the edge of the world
And all of Western civilization
The sun may rise in the east
At least it's settled in a final location
It's understood that Hollywood sells Californication

I drank when I was pregnant with you, you turned out fine. There's everybody saying 'don't drink, don't smoke'. I swear - Texas is turning into California.

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

They say money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a flight to California - and that's pretty much the same thing.

A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water logged stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

I am NOT telling you to be aggressive! I am telling you to stay in control. Be calm and assertive!

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

Happiness starts with a wet nose and ends with a tail.

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.

A dog is the greatest gift a parent can give a child. OK, a good education, then a dog.

One candidate is too old and mentally unfit to be president. The other one is me.

What do you call an Asian Dwayne Johnson?
The Wok.

I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror.

When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life.