The best Quotes by Morticia Addams

Finally, you will be among pears who understand you. Maybe you'll even make some friends.

Gomez: "He has my father's eyes."
Morticia: "Gomez, take those out of his mouth."

Don't torture yourself, Gomez - that's my job.

Amanda: "I'll buy a cup if you buy a box of my delicious Girl Scout cookies."
Wednesday: "Are they made from real Girl Scouts?"

Morticia: "Wednesday's at that very special age when a girl has only one thing on her mind."
Grandmother: "Boys?"
Wednesday: "Homocide."

Uncle Fester: "Your first cigar!"
Gomez: "What? Come on, old man, I've smoked since I was 5 - Mother insisted."

Wednesday: "Pass the salt."
Morticia: "And what do we say?"
Wednesday: "Now!"

Look at her. I would die for her. I would kill for her. Either way, what bliss.

Living under this roof is all the torment you'll need. Besides, our parents have made it clear that the only way to be accepted in this family is to be exactly like them. I can't play by those rules anymore.

Morticia: "How was school?"
Pugsley: "Terrible. Especially history."
Wednesday: "Yeah, they never tell us anything interesting. Like, how many heads they chopped off in the French Revolution."

Gomez: "Children, why do you hate the baby?"
Pugsley: "We don't hate him. We just want to play with him."
Wednesday: "Especially his head."

It's getting dark in this little heart of mine.

"Where is that baby?"
"Which part?"

Dear mother and father,

I hate you.

Love, Wednesday

You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides. You will play golf and enjoy hot hors d'oeuvres. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They have said, "Do not trust the Pilgrims. Especially Sarah Miller." And for all these reasons I have decided to scalp you and burn your village to the ground!

Weems: "No doubt you'll find something that tickles your fancy."
Wednesday: "The last person who tickled me lost a finger."

Just as long as you're lakeside cheering us to victory on race day... or you can just glare uncomfortably. Whatever works for you.

Dead people are notoriously bad at returning calls.

Larissa: "So you automatically assume a Nevermore student is the murderer, even though there's no evidence a crime was even committed."
Donovan: "I'm sorry. I forgot, you only teach the good outcasts here, right?"

This story is about to take a dark turn. Usually, I love dark turns. Like when the carousel brakes myteriously failed at my eighth birthdays party.

Never bring a knife to a sword fight. Unless it's concealed.

I find Social Media to be a soul-sucking void of meaningless affirmation.

Morticia: "That boy's family was going to file attempted murder charges. How would that have looked on your record?"
Wednesday: "Terrible. Everyone would know I failed to get the job done."

I'm not sure whose twisted idea it was to put hundreds of adolescents in underfunded schools run by people whose dreams were crushed years ago... but I admire the sadism.

I cried my little black heart out. But tears don't fix anything. So I vowed to never do it again.

I act as if I don't care if people dislike me. Deep down, I actually enjoy it.

Marylin Thornhill: "I trust Enid has given you the old Nevermore welcome."
Wednesday: "She's been smothering me with hospitality. I hope to return the favor... in her sleep."

Morticia: "Please excuse Wednesday. She's allergic to color."
Enid: "Wow, what happens to you?"
Wednesday: "I break out into hives, and then the flesh peels off my bones."

I don't have a phone. I refuse to be a slave to technology.

Miss Addams, you sadly had a very interesting educational journey. Eight schools in five years.

Wednesday: "So you were guided by latent chivalry, the tool of the patriarchy, to extract my undying gratitude?"
Xavier: "Most people just say 'thank you'."

Lip: "Hey, whoa. You really think they deserve your hard-earned money for that service?"
Frank: "Dine and dash?"
Lip: "Bite and bolt."
Frank: "Eat it and beat it?"

What can I say, once you go white, you always stay tight. Hey, I think I just insulted myself.