The best Quotes by Jack Black

I make a mean peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

It's a tough transition really for theater actors to adjust to television or film, and all of these years later, I still have a tendency to play it too big.

I don't get hung up on weight.

My children are magical creatures and I love them to death.

You must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow.

Amanda: "Sex makes everything more complicated. Even not having it, because the not having it makes it complicated."
Graham: "That's why it's better to have it... some say."

I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said 'Journeys end in lovers meeting.' What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said 'love is blind'. Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms.

Call me old fashioned but one doesn't have sex with women who are unconscious.

Graham: "Long distance relationships can work, you know."
Amanda: "Really? I can't make one work when I live in the same house with someone."

Yeah. But seriously, a nutless monkey could do your job.

I don't read the script. The script reads me.

Lazarus: "Took a whole lot of tryin, just to get up that hill, but now we up in the big leagues."
Alpa Chino: "That's the theme songs from The Jeffersons."
Lazarus: "Just 'cause it's a theme song doesn't mean it's not true."

You lied about fighting in the Vietnam War. It's like punching the American flag in the face!

I know who I am! I'm a dude playing the dude, disguised as another dude.

You went full retard man, never go full retard!

It's just corn syrup you guys! Blood flavored... corn syrup.

Franklin Finbar: "You are a terrible driver!"
Smolder Bravestone: "What are you talking about? I just passed my driver’s test last month... again."

This next adventure is even more challenging. This time, not all of you will leave the game alive. And remember, the future of Jumanji is in your hands.

Are you crying? You don't cry, all right? You keep your chin up. Come on, keep your chin up. Crying never helped anybody do anything, okay? You have a problem you face it like a man.

Sarah: "Alan, you wrestled an alligator for me."
Alan: "It was a crocodile. Alligators don't have that little fringe on their hind leg."
Sarah: "My mistake."

Judy Shepherd: "A law of the jungle has been broken - it will set back more than your token."
Sarah Whittle: "You tried to cheat?"
Peter Shepherd: "I tried to drop the dice so they would land on twelve."

Jumanji. A game for those who seek to find a way to leave their world behind. You roll the dice to move your token. Doubles gets another turn. And the first player to reach the end wins.

I've seen things you've only seen in your nightmares. Things you can't even imagine; things you can't even see. There are things that haunt you in the night; then something screams, and you hope to god you will not meet the same fate. Afraid? You don't even know what afraid is.

I service society by rocking, okay? I'm out there on the front lines liberating people with my music.

Ned Schneebly: "Why don't you sell one of your guitars or something?"
Dewey Finn: "What?! Would you tell Picasso to sell his guitars?"

I'm a teacher. All I need are minds for molding.

Rock isn't about getting an A. Sex Pistols never won anything.

Those that can't do, teach, and those that can't teach, teach gym.

Dewey Finn: "If a kid gets outta line, I got no problem, smackin' 'em in the head."
Rosalie Mullins: "No, we don't use corporal punishment here."
Dewey Finn: "Okay, so just... verbal abuse?"

Dewey Finn: "8:15 to 10, rock history. 10 to 11, rock appreciation in theory. And then band practice till the end of the day."
Frankie: "What about math?"
Dewey Finn: "No, not important."

You're a little low on the food chain to be mouthin' off, aren't ya?

Sid: "Manny, aren't you forgettin' somethin'?"
Manny: "No."
Sid: "But you just saved him."
Manny: "Yeah, well I'm still trying to get rid of the last thing I saved."

Sid: "Boy, for a second there, I actually thought you were gonna eat me!"
Diego: "I don't eat junk food."

Parents, please do not leave your children unattended. All unattended children will be eaten!

Diego: "Why did you do that? You could've died trying to save me."
Manny: "That's what you do in a herd: you look out for each other."

Sid: "You know? This whole ice age thing is getting old. You know what I could go for? A global warming."
Diego: "Keep dreaming."

Oh, isn't there someone else you can annoy? Friends? Family? Poisonous reptiles?

California has officially announced that jaywalking is now no longer a crime. So congratulations to the Californians who like walking places. This is great news for the six of you.

New Mexico. It's another state. I mean, it's like California, just less traffic.

We all have our little faults. Mine's in California.

A theatre is the most important sort of house in the world, because that's where people are shown what they could be if they wanted, and what they'd like to be if they dared to and what they really are.

Kim Jong-un is very isolated in his own country. He's the only obese person in North Korea.

One of the main differences between Munich and Berlin is that when thousands of people get drunk in silly clothes and start vomitting, we don't call it "Oktoberfest", we call it "Tuesday".

To never be sick can't be healthy.

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.

Life is so damn short. For f's sake, just do what makes you happy!

Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me.