The best Quotes by Louie Gohmert

We see people in the Middle East begin to have dreams of new Ottoman Empire where everyone will be subjected to some of what we've seen happen in those countries where we helped bring about an Arab Spring that's turned into a Winter Nightmare.

So the good news is, if you're unemployed and you go to apply for a job and you're not hired for that job, see a lawyer - you may be able to file for a claim because you were discriminated against because you were unemployed.

Socialism and communism fall of their own weight because, as Margaret Thatcher said, you run out of other people's money. Because socialized medicine never falls of its own weight because you put people on lists, and they die waiting to get the treatment and care. So you don't go broke.

Most people give Kennedy a passing grade, a good grade on the Cuban Missile Crisis handling, but what they don't realize, if he had had strength, if he had showed strength before, there would never have been a Cuban Missile Crisis.

Anyone who thinks you can pay $3,100 to the federal government and thinks you can get that money back completely in services - like I said - he may go to M-I-T but he is an N-U-T.

Dante: "[seeing a Confederate flag] What? Are you serious?"
Lila: "Newsflash, we're in deep Texas."

The stars at night, are big and bright,
deep in the heart of Texas,
The prairie sky is wide and high,
deep in the heart of Texas.

Of course, nobody I knew in East-Texas in 1989 cared about Newtonian Physics. The only Newtons they cared about were Wayne and Fig.

When a Texan gets knocked off a horse, he gets right back on. That is the second most important thing about bein' a Texan, right after thinkin' you're better than everybody else.

"Did you grow up in Texas?"
Meemaw: "Took my first bath in a ten-gallon hat."

Sheldon: "Texas, Oklahoma... what's the difference?"
Meemaw: "Hey, now, I think you might want to crack open your psychology textbook 'cause that there is crazy talk."

Amy: "Lino's reinventing Thanksgiving."
Zora: "Oh, good. 'Cause if there's anything Texans love, it's different sh-t."

Since you went away
I bet you missed your exit
And drove right on through the Lone Star state
There's a seat for you at the rodeo
And I've got every slow dance saved
Besides the Mexican food sucks north of here anyway

In Texas, it's football. In Georgia, football. There's an appreciation from the average person about football more than anywhere else. And we have that for basketball in New York. And we'll always have that in New York.

Lila: "So, Richter, why are you such a nihilist?"
Richter: "A what?"
Lila: "I mean, anyone who blasts diesel into the atmosphere like that, truly gives zero f-s about like anything."
Richter: "I'm a Texan. I don't like people telling me what to do. Especially smug, self-righteous, rich, city folk."

In Texas, we practically come out of the womb in jeans.

Are you really a Texan? I mean, really? If I have a headache, I'd put bacon around an Aspirin before I take it.

Football is to Texas what religion is to a priest.

Don't mess with Texas!

Texas has long been known as the nation's largest energy producer, but we are equally proud of our distinction as the nation's leading energy innovator.

You may all go to hell, and I will go to Texas.

Texas is a hotbed of insanely good bands and musicians.

I dearly love the state of Texas, but I consider that a harmless perversion on my part and discuss it only with consenting adults.

I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics.

When rough times have fallen upon our state in the past, Texans have always responded with generosity and an eagerness to help. The compassionate response to the fires has proven that this community spirit is alive and well.

I felt like the luckiest kid in the world because God had put me on the ground in Texas. I actually felt sorry for those poor little kids that had to be born in Oklahoma or England or some place. I knew I was living in the best place in the world.

The people of the State of Texas consist principally of men, women, and children, with a sprinkling of cowboys. The weather is very good, thermometer rarely rising above 2,500 degrees in the shade and hardly ever below 212.

To me, it's really the heart of Texas. You don't know the Lone Star State until you've experienced Gruene Hall.

Always marry a woman from Texas. No matter how tough things get, she's seen tougher.

If my critics saw me walking on water, they would say it's because I can't swim.

You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.

A world without nuclear weapons would be less stable and more dangerous for all of us.

Power is like being a lady... if you have to tell people you are, you aren't.

The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other peoples' money.

Europe was created by history. America was created by philosophy.

If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.

Plan your work for today and every day, then work your plan.

One candidate is too old and mentally unfit to be president. The other one is me.

What do you call an Asian Dwayne Johnson?
The Wok.

I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror.