The best Quotes by Al Franken

It's easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world.

I think the Internet has developed at this incredibly rapid pace because of net neutrality, because of the free nature of it, because a YouTube can start the way YouTube started.

Humor and seriousness are not in opposition to each other.

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.

Apple has long been a leading innovator of mobile technology; I myself own an iPhone.

Antitrust law isn't about protecting competing businesses from each other, it's about protecting competition itself on behalf of the public.

Terrorism, to me, is the use of terror for political purpose, and terror is indiscriminate murder of civilians to make a political point.

No wonder the city never sleeps, it's too busy trying to get laid.

There are eight million people in this city. And those teeming masses exist for the sole purpose of lifting the few exceptional people onto their shoulders.

If I can make it there
I'll make it anywhere
It's up to you
New York, New York

Manhattan, for millions of our forefathers, the gateway to hope, opportunity and happiness beyond their wildest dreams. Today, that hope is still alive, it's called "The First Date". On Saturday nights, every restaurant in Lower Manhattan resembles its own little Ellis Island.

I want to wake up in that city
That doesn't sleep
And find I'm king of the hill
Top of the heap

In a city that moves so fast, you get the Sunday paper on Saturday - how did any of us know how much time we had left?

We are New Yorkers. Proud citizens of the greatest city on earth. Thinking big isn't new to us. It is the very foundation of who we are.

Regardless of our differences, this was still New York. A melting pot crammed onto an island, then pushed into a subway car with a rat eating pizza. You're not left or right. You're a New f*cking Yorker and we're in this together.

Do you know how bad that coffee has to be to to be considered a health risk in New York? This is the same city where pizza gets delivered by a rat!

I don't wanna f*ck it up because one of us didn't prepare for the slim possibility of New York City traffic!

I was born in 1940 in Minnesota and grew up in the country... dirt roads, swamps, lakes, woods.

Ted: "It's freezing out there. Where's your coat?"
Robin: "Ted, I'm Canadian. I don't need a coat. This kind of weather is nothing for me."
Marshall: "Yeah. This is like a spring day back in Minnesota."

Minnesota, I love you snow much!

Minnesota Forecast. Today: Sun. Tomorrow: Snow. Next Day: Tornado, probably.

Minnesota girls - the kind of girl you can take home to meet your mom, but can outdrink your dad.

Most places would call it a crippling snowstorm. In Minnesota, we call it Tuesday.

Another way of enjoying Minnesota is to move to Wisconsin.

Minnesota: the only place where I get excited over a lake.

Well, I just looked in the mirror
And things aren't looking so good
I'm looking California
And feeling Minnesota

I'm from Minnesota, where there's plenty hot-dogs for everyone. Perhaps even too many...

Dude, I don't want to talk about Lacey's prom shoes. And I'll tell you why: I have this thing that makes me really uninterested in prom shoes. It's called a penis.

Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shows can change your life.

Give me your love and not your like!

The internet has been a boon and a curse for teenagers.

Back in the day, if you were watching a video online and words came up on the screen saying, "just wait for it", it was worth waiting for. Something awesome was gonna happen at the end of that video. Now, every second video says, "just wait for it", you get to the end... it's shit. It's underwhelming. Nothing happens. It was not worth waiting for.

I want to make YouTube videos until the day I die, I love this so much.

There can be no balance with a hand on the scale.

Neutrality, as a lasting principle, is an evidence of weakness.

If you can't laugh at yourself, life is going to seem a whole lot longer than you'd like.

He who can make people laugh has to be taken seriously; all people with power know that.

But there are mistakes that are necessary. Sometimes you have to die a little bit to get back to live a little longer.

I make mistakes like the next man. In fact, being - forgive me - rather cleverer than most men, my mistakes tend to be correspondingly huger.

Gerald Broflovski: "Well that does it, I'm going to the police!"
Stan: "For what?"
Gerald Broflovski: "To find out where Apple is keeping my son."
Stan: "Dude, when the police want to know where somebody is, they ask Apple!"

Jacob: "Are you Steve Jobs?"
Cal: "What?"
Jacob: "Are you the billionaire owner of Apple Computers?"
Cal: "No."
Jacob: "Oh, OK. In that case, you've got no right to wear New Balance sneakers, ever."

You're like the iPhone 5 of German TV hosts. Thin, light and unnecessarily tall.

We live in a world where losing your iPhone is more dramatic than losing your virginity.

There's one thing that every terrorist knows: fear is the most effective explosive.

We need to ask who is the enemy, and the enemies are terrorists.

One candidate is too old and mentally unfit to be president. The other one is me.