The best Quotes by John Hodgman

What would I put in a museum? Probably a museum. That's an amusing relic of our past.

Everyone wants to write a book. Very few people are able to do it.

First of all, I wish I could grow a beard.

When did fact checking and journalism go their separate ways?

We called her Mother Earth. Because she gave birth to us, and then we sucked her dry.

If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us?

If "con" is the opposite of "pro", then isn't "congress" the opposite of "progress"?

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain.

You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.

We must, together as a nation, stop watching Fox.

I celebrated Thanksgiving the old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may.

You're gonna like Massachusetts. It's very patriotic - perfect for a fresh start.

I'm lucky to have been raised in the most beautiful place - Amherst, Massachusetts, state of my heart. I'm more patriotic to Massachusetts than to almost any place.

I will work my heart out to earn the trust of the people of Massachusetts.

The man in the White House is not the cause of what is broken, he is just the latest and most extreme symptom of what's gone wrong in America. A product of a rigged system that props up the rich and powerful and kicks dirt on everyone else.

I went to Massachusetts to make a difference. I didn't go there to begin a political career running time and time again. I made a difference. I put in place the things I wanted to do.

Only a liberal senator from Massachusetts would say that a 49 percent increase in funding for education was not enough.

They say money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a flight to Massachusetts - and that's pretty much the same thing.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

"There's perfect men around every corner", said God an made the Earth round.

Working out makes people more comfortable with their naked bodies. So does Tequila.

This room is like a museum of old, useless crap... by which I mean every museum.

If you gave back every stolen artifact from a museum, you'd be left with an empty building.

Give me a museum and I'll fill it.

A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone.

"One must always be careful of books," said Tessa, "and what is inside them, for words have the power to change us."

If you have never spent whole afternoons with burning ears and rumpled hair, forgetting the world around you over a book, forgetting cold and hunger-

If you have never read secretly under the bedclothes with a flashlight, because your father or mother or some other well-meaning person has switched off the lamp on the plausible ground that it was time to sleep because you had to get up so early-

If you have never wept bitter tears because a wonderful story has come to an end and you must take your leave of the characters with whom you have shared so many adventures, whom you have loved and admired, for whom you have hoped and feared, and without whose company life seems empty and meaningless-

If such things have not been part of your own experience, you probably won't understand what Bastian did next.

Poetry, she thought, wasn't written to be analyzed, it was meant to inspire without reason, to touch without understanding.

A living poem had always been the words that came to mind when he tried to describe her to others.

Writing is something you do alone. Its a profession for introverts who want to tell you a story but don't want to make eye contact while doing it.

Without a moustache, a man isn't dressed well.

I know it's a craze in Bollywood to have six-pack abs, but here, it's not the abs or the biceps that make us feel or look macho. Down south, the moustache still works for us.

I don't like myself without a beard.