The best Quotes by Ricky Gervais

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.

Cynicism, to me, is trying to make people as unhappy as you are.

Remember, if you don't sin, then Jesus died for nothing.

Remember, when you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It is only painful for others. The same applies when you are stupid.

Just because you're offended, doesn't mean you're right!

You won't burn in hell. But be nice anyway.

People confuse the subject of the joke with the target of the joke, and they're very rarely the same.

Next time someone tells me they believe in God, I'll say, "Oh which one? Zeus? Hades? Jupiter? Mars? Odin? Thor? Krishna? Vishnu? Ra?" If they say, "Just God. I only believe in the one God", I'll point out that they are nearly as atheistic as me. I don't believe in 2,870 gods, and they don't believe in 2,869.

Someone asked me what three things I would save if my house was on fire. I said my cat, my salamander and one of the twins.

Opinions don't affect facts. But facts should affect opinions, and do if you're rational.

If there is a God, why did he make me an atheist?

Unlike religious people, I look at all religions equally.

Why buy a book when you can join a library?

Same-sex marriage isn't a gay privilege, it's equal rights. Privilege would be something like gay people not paying taxes. Like churches don't.

Mondays are fine. It's your life that sucks.

Famous people are above the law.

I've never been insulted by hateful Satanists for not believing in their devil. Only by loving Christians for not believing in their God.

Telling someone with depression to pull themselves together is about as useful as telling someone with cancer to just stop having cancer.

I think it's important to hold a mirror up to society and yourself.

Science is constantly proved all the time. If we take something like any fiction, any holy book, and destroyed it, in a thousand years' time, that wouldn't come back just as it was. Whereas if we took every science book and every fact and destroyed them all, in a thousand years they'd all be back because all the tests would be the same result.

Imagine if you carried on believing in Santa and the tooth fairy into adulthood. And even killed and started wars over it. Imagine that.

It's a strange myth that atheists have nothing to live for. It's the opposite. We have nothing to die for, we have everything to live for.

You should bring something into the world that wasn't in the world before. It doesn't matter what that is. It doesn't matter if it's a table or a film or gardening - everyone should create. You should do something, then sit back and say, 'I did that'.

Pam: "Jim and I have never and will never have sex in the office."
Jim: "No, because the office isn't what I'd consider a romantic place."
Pam: "Besides, we have something those other people don't have, which is a home and a bed."
Jim: "And a shower."

If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, bin Laden, and Toby - I would shoot Toby twice.

You need somebody who understands your references. Who is Kafkaesque? I've never...- I don't know him.

I feel weak today. I felt much stronger yesterday. Like Benjamin Button in reverse.

Schrutes don't celebrate birthdays, idiot. It started as a depression-era practicality, and then moved to an awesome tradition that I look forward to every year.

It's like I used to tell my wife: "I do not apologize unless I think I'm wrong. And if you don't like it, you can leave." And I say the same thing to my current wife. And I'll say it to my next one too.

No, I don't believe in God, but I respect the fact that you do. Everyone has to have something to believe in.

I had only a little time left and I didn't want to waste it on God.

Know what's really great about not being religious, Seong-hee? You know where you go when you die. To hell.

Hell is empty, devils are here!

Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don't have all the answers to think that they do.

Haven't Luke Skywalker and Santa Claus affected your lives more than most real people in this room? I mean, whether Jesus is real or not, he's had a bigger impact on the world than any of us have. And the same could be said of Bugs Bunny... and Superman and Harry Potter. They've changed my life, changed the way I act on the Earth. Doesn't that make them kind of real?

Definition: What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

I don't need to punish people for sin. Sin is its own punishment, devouring you from the inside.

Who's the more foolish? The fool or the fool who follows him?

The woke mind virus is making Netflix unwatchable.

Does it really need a reason to help somebody?

If you can't laugh at yourself, life is going to seem a whole lot longer than you'd like.

Men must be free to do what they believe. It is not our right to punish one for thinking what they do, no matter how much we disagree.

Listen to the scientists! Listen to what the facts are!

In all of the world's books in all libraries in the universe, I couldn't find the words to describe what I feel about you.

I am not gay. Although I wish I were, just to piss off homophobes.

Someday, I'm going to marry Monday, make him trust me and then I'll finish him off.

But fame is a strange thing. Some men gain glory after they die, while others fade. What is admired in one generation is abhorred in another.

Christians who pray are like pillars that carry the world.

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, surrounded by a-sholes.

The thing I didn't understand when we talk about cancer or any terminal illness, really. Look at the language we use, the language of battle. We're gonna fight this thing. We're going to fight with everything we've got. Be brave for the fight. And then people say they lost the battle. It's so backwards. I get it. To talk about the fight, it's active, visceral. Don't look at the hard part. Look at all these shiny, sharp weapons we've developed all for you to try.