The best Quotes by Jimmy Kimmel

The best Quotes by Jimmy Kimmel

James Christian Kimmel (born November 13, 1967) is an American television host, comedian, writer, and producer.

The circus came back to town in Washington for the second impeachment trial of Donald OJ. Trump.
Jimmy Kimmel Live! - February 2021
Trump's leaving office with his lowest approval rating yet. It's down to 29%. Which, for someone who recently incited a insurrection to overthrow the government isn't bad. Honestly, what would he have to do to get below 20%, Eat the constitution? Trump has the lowest average approval rating of any president in the modern era. The only one to leave office with a lower rating than that was Kevin Spacey.
Jimmy Kimmel Live! - January 2021
If Martin Luther King were alive today, he would probably watch the news and go, "let me be more specific about this dream I had."
Jimmy Kimmel Live! - January 2021
When someone with a beard attacks us, we tap phones, we invoke travel-bans, we build walls we take care of every possible precaution to make sure it doesn't happen again. But when an American buys a gun and kills other Americans, then there's nothing we can do about that? Second ammendment, I guess. Our forfathers wanted us to have AK-47s is the argument, I assume.
Jimmy Kimmel Live! - Sendung vom 03.10.2017
Apple is believed to be partnering with American Express on a new mobile payment system, that would replace carrying credit cards around. That way, you can lose your naked pictures and all your money in one easy step.
They have a new high-end iPhone called the iPhone 5S. The 'S' stands for 'shut up and give us your money'.
This is about as close as America gets to having a royal baby; Apple unveiling a new iPhone.
I feel like at this point, Apple's releasing products, just to see if there's anything we won't buy.
1

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For every $1 we could raise, they'll remove one pound of plastic from the ocean. We're trying to raise $30 million by the end of the year.
Mark Rober in Jimmy Kimmel Live! - November 2021
I'm having a really good time. The costume's probably slightly different than you might expect. But to go back into the role [of Obi-Wan] is great.
Ewan McGregor in Jimmy Kimmel Live! - May 2021, about shooting the Obi-Wan series
It was nice to get to enjoy an inauguration without a pit of dread in your stomach.
John Oliver in Jimmy Kimmel Live! - January 2021, about the Inauguration of Joe Biden
I wish we had somebody in a leadership position in the White House who would bring people together.
What ever I would do, I would be the one I am today. I chose football and I'm sorry for the other fans that are cheering for other sports, because it would be the same thing.
Zlatan Ibrahimović in Jimmy Kimmel Live! - Sendung vom 17.04.2018
People told me, "When you come to Los Angeles, don't worry, you can walk on the streets" But since day one, it's busy everywhere. But it's my own fault. 'Cause when you play the way I do, I mean.
Zlatan Ibrahimović in Jimmy Kimmel Live! - Sendung vom 17.04.2018
I wanted to give Los Angeles a gift. I was thinking a long time. And then one day it came like: I should give myself.
Zlatan Ibrahimović in Jimmy Kimmel Live! - Sendung vom 17.04.2018
"Is Kumail Nanjiani's d*ck multiple colors?"
"Yes. Every shade of your mom's lipstick. And her b*tthole."
Kumail Nanjiani in Jimmy Kimmel Live! - Celebrities Read Mean Tweets #11
I've been waiting for this moment for a long, long time. This is like when I lost my virginity, except this is gonna last way longer than one second.
I've known Jeff for fifteen years. Terrific guy. He's a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side. No doubt about it - Jeffrey enjoys his social life.
In order to make America great and glorious again, I am tonight announcing my candidacy for president of the United States.
Donald Trump - November 2022
I'm not going to say it right now. So, everybody, I promise you, in the very next - very, very, very short period of time, you're going to be so happy.
Donald Trump - November 2022, implies he's rerunning for President in 2024 elections
If you want to stop the destruction of our country and save the American dream, then this Tuesday you must vote Republican in a giant way.
Donald Trump - November 2022
You see the mob takes the Fifth. If you're innocent, why are you taking the Fifth Amendment?
Donald Trump - May 2017
I recommend taking the vaccines. I happen to take the vaccine - if it doesn't work you'll be the first to know.
Donald Trump - August 2021
1
No wonder the city never sleeps, it's too busy trying to get laid.
Carrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City - Season 1 Episode 11
5
There are eight million people in this city. And those teeming masses exist for the sole purpose of lifting the few exceptional people onto their shoulders.
Grüner Kobold in Spider-Man
2
If I can make it there
I'll make it anywhere
It's up to you
New York, New York
Frank Sinatra - New York, New York
2
Manhattan, for millions of our forefathers, the gateway to hope, opportunity and happiness beyond their wildest dreams. Today, that hope is still alive, it's called "The First Date". On Saturday nights, every restaurant in Lower Manhattan resembles its own little Ellis Island.
Carrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City - Season 2 Episode 3
2
Gerald Broflovski: "Well that does it, I'm going to the police!"
Stan: "For what?"
Gerald Broflovski: "To find out where Apple is keeping my son."
Stan: "Dude, when the police want to know where somebody is, they ask Apple!"
Stan Marsh in South Park - Season 15 Episode 1
2
Jacob: "Are you Steve Jobs?"
Cal: "What?"
Jacob: "Are you the billionaire owner of Apple Computers?"
Cal: "No."
Jacob: "Oh, OK. In that case, you've got no right to wear New Balance sneakers, ever."
Jacob Palmer in Crazy, Stupid, Love.
1
You can make something big when young that will carry you through life. Look at all the big startups like Microsoft, Apple, Google, Facebook, Twitter, etc. They were all started by very young people who stumbled on something of unseen value. You'll know it when you hit a home run.
1
Faith is taking the first step even when you can't see the whole staircase.
10
It's better to be hated for what you are, than to be loved for what you're not.
9
I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.
6
You're like the iPhone 5 of German TV hosts. Thin, light and unnecessarily tall.
Klaas Heufer-Umlauf in Joko & Klaas - neoParadise vom 13.09.2012
2
We live in a world where losing your iPhone is more dramatic than losing your virginity.
1
Why can't we us thoughts and prayers to protect the border? It's what we use to protect our schools.
Kim Jong-un is very isolated in his own country. He's the only obese person in North Korea.
Olaf Schubert in heute-show - heute-show vom 08.09.2017
One of the main differences between Munich and Berlin is that when thousands of people get drunk in silly clothes and start vomitting, we don't call it "Oktoberfest", we call it "Tuesday".
1
To never be sick can't be healthy.
A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.
Life is so damn short. For f's sake, just do what makes you happy!
Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me.
This is the end of Wladimir Putin.
Jan Böhmermann - February 2022
People say that money changes people. It really doesn't. Money don't change people. Money allows you to be more of who you really are. If you're a kind person when you get a lot of money, you become a kinder person. If you're an a-shole when you get a lot of money, you become a big a-shole. When you see rich people acting like a-sholes it's 'cause they've always been one.
Steve Harvey - February 2021

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