The best Quotes from How I Met Your Mother (Page 7)

How I Met Your Mother is a US tv-series. The quotes from the main characters Ted Mosby, Barney Stinson, Robin Scherbatsky, Lily Aldrin and Marshall Eriksen make the series legendary.

Right now, the ninth season of How I Met Your Mother is running on CBS.

The best Quotes from How I Met Your Mother
Quotes 301 to 350 of 44813456789

I don't wanna be choosing between two girls, I wanna be a complete head over heels idiot for one!

LoveTed Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, Season 7 Episode 2
7
Comment 

I guess, if we're splitting hairs, then technically... there was a plurality to the times I've lied to women for sex-having-purposes.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 7 Episode 2
 
Comment 

Ted: "All my friends from high-school, they're here with their wifes or kids. My date for the night is a sticky magazine..."
Robin: "Sounds like high-school all over again!"

Robin Scherbatsky in How I Met Your Mother, Season 7 Episode 1
 
Comment 

Get ready, Cleveland. The last man to screw you that hard and then disappear, was LeBron James!

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 7 Episode 1
1
Comment 

Lily: "Whenever we board a flight, you lick the plane!"
Marshall: "Have we crashed even once?"

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother, Season 7 Episode 1
1
Comment 

Robin: "Who wants hot-wings?"
Lily: "I'm in... or maybe we should just pour hot-sauce on Barney, since he's a total chicken."

Lily Aldrin in How I Met Your Mother, Season 7 Episode 1
2
Comment 

The only person on earth, who loves Ted Mosby more than Marshall Eriksen, is drunk Marshall Eriksen!

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother, Season 7 Episode 1
1
Comment 

Marshall really took a two-flusher on that one!

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, Season 7 Episode 1
 
Comment 

Ted, your throwing your life away. This girl is blinding you with her shiny hair and her boob-shaped boobs!

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 18
 
Comment 

Marshall: "The broken windows?"
Lily: "We had to make it look realistic."
Marshall: "But why did you break two of them?"
Robin: "It looked like fun when she did it, so I wanted to try."
Marshall: "I can't believe this whole time it was you guys; I've been blaming Really Tan Dancing Leotard guy."

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 17
2
Comment 

Your car's gonna be fine, this is the best auto-shop around. Look at this certificate, one of the mechanics here...
[reads the certificate]
...finished a 64 ounce steak.

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 17
1
Comment 

Ted: "I thought you said you got rid of everything your ex-boyfriends gave you?"
Robin: "Well yeah, but not my dogs."
Ted: "You said everything."
Robin: "But not living things."
Ted: "Tell that to the rare bolivian cactus i threw away!"

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 16
 
Comment 

I'll help you study. We're gonna stay up all night long. I'm gonna drill you and then we're gonna study. No, seriously. We're gonna do some cramming and then we're gonna study. No, seriously. We're gonna bone up on...

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 5 Episode 5
 
Comment 

Lily: "We'll all have a wedding dress camp-out. It'll be fun!"
Barney: "I can't go. I've got this thing."
Lily: "What thing?"
Barney: "A penis!"

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 15
1
Comment 

Because sometimes, even when you know how something's gonna end, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the ride.

TravelingTed Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 14
3
Comment 

I'm going out of this world the same way I came into it: Buck-naked. Yeah. It's gonna be awesome. Open bar for the guys, open casket for the ladies. What up?

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 14
1
Comment 

Ted: "Robin! I just had a great idea!"
Robin: "Oh, do whatever you want to me, just don't wake me up."

Robin Scherbatsky in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 13
1
Comment 

Freeways have exits, so do relationships. The first exit, my personal favourite, is six hours in: You meet, you talk, you have sex, you exit when she's in the shower.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 12
 
Comment 

Discouraging premarital sex is against my religion.

SexBarney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 12
 
Comment 

Lily: "That's Dirty Dancing!"
Ted: "It was on last night."
Marshall: "No, it was two nights ago. 'She's Like the Wind' has been stuck in my brain for about 40 hours. I just got it out; now it's back in. Damn you, Swayze!"

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 12
 
Comment 

Robin: "You mean the whiny, bottomless pit of neediness? He was bugging me so I spiked his echinacea tea with codeine."
Ted: "You would be a great mom."

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 11
1
Comment 

Ted: "Grinch, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch!"
[The lights turn out]
Lily: "Happy? Now you pissed up the big guy upstairs!"
Ted: "Yeah, I'm sure god cares if I..."
Man: "You use that language again and I turn off your water!"
Lily: "It's my super - he lives above me."

Lily Aldrin in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 11
1
Comment 

Ted: "[to Marshall, lying next to him] Marshall, are you still thinking about Lily?"
Marshall: "Yeah."
Ted: "Please stop!"

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 17
 
Comment 

Stella hated Star Wars! She lied to you. Search your feelings, Ted. You know it to be true!

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother, Season 4 Episode 6
 
Comment 

Okay, I've missed you. Not in a 'we're gonna make out' way, not even in an 'I forgive you' way. Just in an 'I've missed you' way.

Missing SomeoneRobin Scherbatsky in How I Met Your Mother
3
Comment 

There's kids playing hockey in the back. It's like you want us to make fun of you!

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother
 
Comment 

If one of the Vancouver Canucks walked in here, my panties would drop so hard, there would be a hole in the floor halfway to China.

Robin Scherbatsky in How I Met Your Mother, Season 5 Episode 14
 
Comment 

Robin: "What? I am not keeping Mike on a hook!"
Ted: "You are Captain Hook!"
Robin: "Dude, I'm a girl, ok? Our girl parts are like a spider webs; sometimes you are gonna catch stuff you don't want."

Robin Scherbatsky in How I Met Your Mother, Season 5 Episode 16
2
Comment 

Dude, ditch Tiffany and join the Barnacle in the Pharma-Girl-Free-For-All. Side effects may include: loss of clothing, rug burns, shortness of breath and soar abdominals the next morning. What in the world is up!

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 5 Episode 16
 
Comment 

Well, Amanda is going to make Lily a cake, she's a chef! We met when I was at a restaurant last week and I sent some soup back. Luckily she's got such pretty hair I didn't mind eating a little bit of it.

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, Season 5 Episode 18
 
Comment 

Ted: "I could end up marrying this woman; I want our first kiss to be special."
Lily: "Oh, that's sweet. So you chickened out like a little bitch?"

Lily Aldrin in How I Met Your Mother
1
Comment 

Ted: "I hate how you're always right."
Lily: "It's my best, and most annoying, trait."

Lily Aldrin in How I Met Your Mother
3
Comment 

Barney: "On your tombstone, it will be, 'Lily Aldrin. Caring wife. Loving friend. Slapbet-Commissioner.'"
Marshall: "And your tombstone will read, 'Got slapped by Marhsall so hard he died.'"

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 9
1
Comment 

Have you been arrested in a mall?
Dumped in a mall?
Turned out you're Canadian in a mall?

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 9
 
Comment 

Ted: "You're scared of the seven dwarves?"
Robin: "Just of Doc. He's creepy... I mean, the guy went to medical school, what is he doing living with six coalminers."

DwarfesRobin Scherbatsky in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 9
1
Comment 

Lily: "We're going to Atlantic City to elope - right now!"
Barney: "Oh, congratulations Lily! Marshall, you're getting married? What the hell?"

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 8
 
Comment 

Woman: "You know this isn't Vegas, right?"
Robin: "Well sure, in Vegas the casinos pump in oxygen, here it looks like everyone brought their own."

Robin Scherbatsky in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 8
 
Comment 

Robin, I'm his best friend, that's a commitment. Girlfriend, that's like a bad flu. Out of your system after a couple of weeks in bed.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 3
1
Comment 

When I have kids, and I tell them how I met their mother, I'm gonna tell them everything. The whole damn story.

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 3
2
Comment 

I'm a genetic goldmine! No family history of diabetes or heart disease, everyone has non-porous teeth and perfect eyesight. I had one schizophrenic uncle, but even he had perfect vision. Which was unfortunate for the people around the bell tower he was in.

Robin Scherbatsky in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 3
 
Comment 

Stacey, six kids in five years! The woman's basically a ride to the waterpark.

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 3
 
Comment 

Barney: "Ted, it's a well-known statistic, that 83% of people, married longer than 6 months, are saving someone on the side."
Ted: "Do you know that when you make up a statistic, you always use 83% ?"

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 3
 
Comment 

Whats your prescription, Dr. Estrogen? Eat Haagen-Dazs and watch 'Love... actually' until your periods sync up?

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 1
 
Comment 

Because were baseball, strippers and guns can't help, the only thing that can really heal a broken heart, is time.

Heart, Breakup & LovesickTed Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 1
 
Comment 

Ted: "Oh hey, where are you guys?"
Barney: "We're in a fundraiser, helping young women raise money for community college."
Ted: "Stripclub... nice!"

CollegeBarney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 1
1
Comment 

Any time, a girl wants to get back at her ex-bodyfriends, we'll be there.
Any time, a girl wants to solve her father-issues through promiscuity and binge drinking we will be there.
Any time a bachelorette party drives through the city in a limo, sticking their heads out the sunroof, shouting 'what's up New York?', we will be what is 'up' New York!

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 1
1
Comment 

Know what time it is? It's do-o-clock, lets ride!

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 1 Episode 10
 
Comment 

In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland. True story!

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 2 Episode 13
1
Comment 

Lily: "A swordfight? On Monday I'm gonna have to tell my kindergarten class, who I teach not to run with scissors, that my fiancé ran me through with a freakin' broadsword."
Marshall: "Well... just to be fair, it didn't go all the way through."
Lily: "I'm sorry, is this a discussion of the degree to which you stabbed me?"

Lily Aldrin in How I Met Your Mother, Season 1 Episode 8
2
Comment 

I never wanted any of it to change, but that's not how life works.

ChangeTed Mosby in How I Met Your Mother, Season 1 Episode 8
6
Comment 
Quotes 301 to 350 of 44813456789

Characters from How I Met Your Mother