The best Quotes from How I Met Your Mother (Page 7)

The best Quotes from How I Met Your Mother (Page 7)

How I Met Your Mother is a US tv-series. The quotes from the main characters Ted Mosby, Barney Stinson, Robin Scherbatsky, Lily Aldrin and Marshall Eriksen make the series legendary.

Barney: "I love how she was this wise, old, chilled out, lesbian farmer."
Robin: "No, no, no. She's not a lesbian, nor does she farm them. No, that woman she lives with, that's just her special friend Maureen. They've lived together for... Oh!"
Robin Scherbatsky - Season 8 Episode 5
Ted: "As a kid, I was known as a bit of a detective. In fact, when my friend's retainer went missing, the Mosby Boys were put on the case, and it was..."
Victoria: "The retainer was in the garbage. The Mosby Boys were you, your sister, and a neighborhood squirrel you thought you had tamed."
Ted: "I can't believe Squirrel-lock Holmes turned on us like that, eight weeks of training down the drain."
Ted Mosby - Season 8 Episode 5
We're cosigning birthday cards, we got toothbrushes at each other's places, foreplay's out the window. I'm in, I'm out, I'm sleeping - it's great.
Ted Mosby - Season 8 Episode 5
Judging from how many clients that hooker has serviced, I'd say we've been here almost an hour.
Robin Scherbatsky - Season 7 Episode 14
Ted: "Cleveland sports are still relevant! 'LeBron who?' Right, guys?"
Barney: "Ted, neither you, nor Cleveland knows how to get over someone leaving them."
Barney Stinson - Season 8 Episode 4
Ted: "Those Robin's boobies?"
Barney: "When new nubile hotties lean in to inspect your bundle of joy, you can inspect their bundles of joy. The Broller. God, I come up with a lot of good stuff!"
Barney Stinson - Season 8 Episode 4
Ted: "You know, as your best friend, if called upon, I'd be honored to raise Marvin."
Robin: "If you want him to be raised by his underwear on a flagpole, Ted's your guy. If you want him pulling the chord on some other nerd's panties, I'm your guy."
Barney: "I'll teach that kid how to be awesome in ways you and Lily never could. It's going to be legend- wait for it... no, I won't wait for it and neither should little baby Marvin, so maybe it's better if you two just die right now... -dary!"
Barney Stinson - Season 8 Episode 4
It is so nice to be out in the fresh air. You smell that? That's the smell of urine that isn't Marvin's.
Marshall Eriksen - Season 8 Episode 4
Quinn: "I have to pay $2,000 every time I gain a pound?"
Barney: "Not every time. Just if it shows up at the weekly weigh-in."
Barney Stinson - Season 8 Episode 2
Ted: "When you leave someone at the altar, you always leave a note. It's common courtesy."
Victoria: "I think common courtesy went out the window when I did."
Victoria - Season 8 Episode 1
Hey, it's me again. Look, who are we kidding? You and I are both attracted to each other. We're young, we're drunk, half of us anyway. And we only get one life, so why don't you come over to my apartment and we'll think of something stupid to do together?
Ted Mosby - Season 1 Episode 10
Let's hit a motel, jam in a quickie and get you back to your wedding.
Ted Mosby - Season 7 Episode 24
If we miss Hawaii because of this, guess who's not doing "The Disappearing Salami" anytime soon?
Quinn Garvey - Season 7 Episode 24
Kids, sometimes the universe sends exactly what you ask for. Other times... it sends Lily's dad.
Ted Mosby - Season 7 Episode 23
The baby slide right out, huh? It's like a 'whoosh', like a waterslide. [Lily screaming] Slightly painful waterslide.
Dr. Sonya - Season 7 Episode 23
If you don't push, I will shove that baby up your throat and pull it out of your mouth!
Dr. Sonya - Season 7 Episode 23
Baby, can we grow sandwiches behind the garage?
Marshall Eriksen - Season 3 Episode 5
Looks like somebody suffered from premature slapulation.
Marshall Eriksen - Season 2 Episode 9
I think my soul just threw up a little bit.
Lily Aldrin - Season 1 Episode 10
When Barney overhears that Ted and Robin have a secret to reveal at the wedding reception, he begins to guess what it might be.
Lily Aldrin - Season 2 Episode 22
Barney: "I'm dating a stripper."
Ted: "Yes, I've seen your bus ad."
Ted Mosby - Season 7 Episode 21
Marshall: "All pregnant ladies have crazy sex dreams. It's just her hormones going berserk."
Barney: "So who's responsible for her rapid thigh movement this time?"
Ted: "Oh, my favorite was when she banged George Washington."
Barney: "I liked the three-way with Bill Cosby and Papa Smurf."
Ted: "Oh, he smurfed the smurf out of her."
Marshall: "Yes, while The Cos smurfed off in the corner - we all remember."
Marshall Eriksen - Season 7 Episode 21
Ted: "Every three years we sit down and Tril' it up big time, agreed?"
Marshall: "Agreed-o!"
Marshall Eriksen - Season 7 Episode 20
Usually after a sandwich, I feel paranoid, but I'm not. WHY AM I NOT BEING PARANOID??
Marshall Eriksen - Season 7 Episode 10
Kevin: "Well, it's a close one. Lily made 14 awkward references to marriage and Marshall made an even 60."
Robin: "I'm so sorry, Kevin."
Kevin: "It's okay. I'm gonna go to bed, but you guys think tomorrow we can stop with all the marriage talk?"
Lily: "I do."
Marshall: "I do."
Kevin: "That's a half a point each."
Kevin - Season 7 Episode 16
Ted: "You know Robin? Been thinking about it. Guess it's kind of nice you're such a bad-ass."
Robin: "It's pretty bad-ass you're so nice, Ted."
Robin Scherbatsky - Season 7 Episode 15
Robin: "She was gonna get the last kugel."
Ted: "She was 90 years old. It was probably gonna be her last kugel."
Ted Mosby - Season 7 Episode 15
Robin: "Sometimes in life you have to be assertive and stand up for yourself."
Ted: "You called her a wh*re!"
Robin: "Who wears that much make up?"
Ted: "Old ladies!"
Robin: "Who take money for sex, exactly!"
Robin Scherbatsky - Season 7 Episode 15
Lily, I think we made a mistake moving out to the suburbs. I miss our home. I miss our booth with our friends. And I'm pretty sure I have a drumstick... somewhere bad.
Marshall Eriksen - Season 7 Episode 14
Robin: "I wouldn't go to Cleveland for 125 million dollars, paid over six years."
Ted: "Still with the LeBron jokes? Where's that ring he's supposed to have by now?"
Robin Scherbatsky - Season 7 Episode 12
Lily, you just gave those children a stapler, a pair of sharp scissors and a pretty decent Pinot Noir.
Marshall Eriksen - Season 7 Episode 8
The Pork Authority is closed. Looks like it's Hand Central Station for you little buddy.
James Stinson - Season 7 Episode 7
He let me have her. I have to say, it was pretty noble of him. He fell on his sword so that she could fall on mine.
Barney Stinson - Season 6 Episode 15
Too many crazies had my old number, so now I'm all about disposable cell phones. I'll use one for a while, have my fun, then dump it and get a new one. And then I'll do the same with my phone.
Barney Stinson - Season 6 Episode 15
Zoey: "Don't worry Ted, she's cute."
Barney: "'Cute' means 'fat'!"
Zoey: "She's not fat."
Barney: "'Not fat' means 'ugly'."
Barney Stinson - Season 6 Episode 15
Ted: "I just thought he needed to listen to common sense and reasonable discourse."
Robin: "Oh, God. Tell me those aren't the names of your fists."
Ted: "They're my feet. I'm actually more of a kicker."
Ted Mosby - Season 6 Episode 13
Lily: "How did you do it?"
Barney: "Oh God, you found one of the cameras. I swear that's the only one! Wait, which one did you find?"
Barney Stinson - Season 6 Episode 13
Ted: "Robin, this show is so dirty, I don't know whether to hug you, or run a shower for you, so you can sit there alone, crying and clenching your knees."
Robin: "It's just bad camera work, okay? Wayne, our camera guy - he wasn't that great."
Marshall: "I don't know. I think he did a pretty good job, considering he was probably only using one hand."
Marshall Eriksen - Season 6 Episode 9
I didn't realize you were small potatoes. And to be clear, I am referring to your testicles.
Robin Scherbatsky - Season 6 Episode 8
Barney: "Looks like that bee got busy."
Ted: "Looks like that French maid didn't turn down somebody's bed."
Marshall: "Oh, looks like Pocahontas has a couple of wounded knees."
Marshall Eriksen - Season 6 Episode 7
Hey, want to come to my house and play telephone? I got the string, you got the cans.
Barney Stinson - Season 6 Episode 6
Barney: "Whoa, Ted, that thing you're packing is way too big to fit in that box."
Ted: "Yeah, that's what your mom said."
Barney: "How dare you?"
Ted: "No, she actually said that."
Ted Mosby - Season 6 Episode 2
14 seconds! And already some dingdong is stepping up, thinking he can get some of this broke off.
Robin Scherbatsky - Season 6 Episode 1
What you're doing right now. I'm getting a de-rection!
Barney Stinson - Season 6 Episode 1
Nobody takes an intro class to get on any other path, but the path to not being hungover anymore. I learned that in my intro to something-ology class.
Marshall Eriksen - Season 7 Episode 5
Ted: "Trying to get them interested in architecture as a career."
Barney: "Why? Are we running out of buildings?"
Robin: "Are we running out of boring people?"
Robin Scherbatsky - Season 7 Episode 5
Robin, if you asked a hundred people: "Who's the worst person you could possibly date?" They'd all say "your therapist", except the ones saying "Barney".
Ted Mosby - Season 7 Episode 5
Career has been trouncing romance for years. It's like the Globetrotters versus the Generals: Career's sinking hook shots from half court, romance is just a bunch of slow white guys, who couldn't make it in the Italian league.
Ted Mosby - Season 5 Episode 24
Clint: "Ted, your mother is a very, very erotic woman."
Ted: "Please don't."
Ted Mosby - Season 5 Episode 20
Ted: "I made a bid online, I won the auction the next day and I got approval. I just finalized the paperwork."
Barney: "And was the Blair Witch easy to deal with, or did she haggle over the closing costs?"
Barney Stinson - Season 5 Episode 20

Related pages to How I Met Your Mother

The best Quotes by Ted MosbyTed MosbyThe best Quotes by Barney StinsonBarney StinsonThe best Quotes by Marshall EriksenMarshall EriksenThe best Quotes by Robin ScherbatskyRobin ScherbatskyThe best Quotes by Neil Patrick HarrisNeil Patrick HarrisThe best Quotes from How I Met Your FatherHow I Met Your FatherThe Bro Code - Best quotes and articlesThe Bro CodeThe best Quotes by Dr. SonyaDr. SonyaThe best Quotes by Lily AldrinLily AldrinThe best Quotes by Bill CosbyBill Cosby