The best Quotes from How I Met Your Mother (Page 10)

Barney: "I am not a smoker. I only smoke in certain situations: Post-coital, when I'm with Germans, sometimes those two overlap, coital, birthdays, to annoy my mom, pre-coital, on a sailboat, the day the Mets are mathematically eliminated every year, and of course - wait for it - 'cause lord knows I have, pregnancy scares."
Ted: "Why are you smoking right now?"
Barney: "I'm always pre-coital, Ted."

Ted: "She was 15?!"
Barney: "No. A 15. Like in blackjack."
Ted: "As in.. not sure whether you'd hit it?"
Barney: "Exactly!"

Ted, the only reason to wait a month for sex is if the girl is 17 years and 11 months old.