Quote by Homer Simpson (Season 5 Episode 18)

Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons - Season 5 Episode 18

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To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons - Season 8 Episode 18

Alcohol Toasts

If I didn't have this gun, the king of England could walk right in here and start pushing you around.

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons - Season 9 Episode 5

Weapons NRA

This is America. Anyone can eat what they want, as long as they eat too much.

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons - Season 24 Episode 5

USA Food

I am so smart, I am so smart! S-M-R-T!

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons - Season 5 Episode 3

No son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies, and kids with fake IDs.

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons - Season 8 Episode 10

Beer

All right, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons

Alcohol Beer Brain

This room is like a museum of old, useless crap... by which I mean every museum.

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons - Season 24 Episode 4

Museums

Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons - Season 14 Episode 2

Marriage

Just because I don't care, doesn't mean I don't understand.

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achille's heel, if you will.

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons

Beer

Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene'.

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons

Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons

Weddings Marriage

If you don't like your job, you don't strike: you just go in every day and do it really half a-sed. That's the American way.

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons

USA

Where's the "any key"? Hm... I think I order a "tab".

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons

Beer Computer

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons

Television

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well… all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons

USA

Ooh, the Patriot Act is so terrible! The government might find out what library books I take out! What's next, finding out what operas I go to?

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons

USA Operas

Good things don't end with "eum", they end with "mania" or "teria".

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons

Museums

When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power. Like God must feel when he's holding a gun.

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons - Season 9 Episode 5

I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life.
Number 1: "Cover for me."
Number 2: "Oh, good idea, Boss!"
Number 3: "It was like that when I got here."

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution.

Dan Castellaneta

Beer

It's the weirdest thing. When you go into acting, you expect to be a huge star and to be recognized... It did happen, but not in the way you expect it to... In L.A., I'm just another character actor.

Dan Castellaneta

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

Dan Castellaneta

I've made a kind of pact with myself where I said, It doesn't matter what it is as long as I'm acting.

Dan Castellaneta

I think that most people don't even know that I do other things. They think that Homer is all that I do.

Dan Castellaneta

My Homer is not a Communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a Communist, but he is NOT a p-rn star!

Abraham Simpson in The Simpsons - Season 9 Episode 19

Homer: "Do you want the job done right or do you want it done fast?"
Marge: "Well, like all Americans… fast!"

Marge Simpson in The Simpsons

USA

We home school 'em. I teach the big ones, and the big ones teach the little ones, but nobody taught me, so the whole thing is an exercise in futility.

Cletus Spuckler in The Simpsons - Season 18 Episode 14

Quote by Homer Simpson (Season 5 Episode 18)

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