Quotes by Homer Simpson

If I didn't have this gun, the king of England could walk right in here and start pushing you around.

When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power. Like God must feel when he's holding a gun.

Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene'.

Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.

I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life.
Number 1: 'Cover for me.'
Number 2: 'Oh, good idea, Boss!'
Number 3: 'It was like that when I got here.'

Just because I don't care, doesn't mean I don't understand.

I am so smart, I am so smart! S-M-R-T!

Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

If you don't like your job, you don't strike: you just go in every day and do it really half assed. That's the American way.

No son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies, and kid's with fake ID's.

Where's the 'any key'? Hm... I think I order a 'tab'.

To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!