Quotes by Homer Simpson

To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!

If I didn't have this gun, the king of England could walk right in here and start pushing you around.

This is America. Anyone can eat what they want, as long as they eat too much.

I am so smart, I am so smart! S-M-R-T!

No son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies, and kids with fake IDs.

All right, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.

Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.

Just because I don't care, doesn't mean I don't understand.

Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene'.

Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.

If you don't like your job, you don't strike: you just go in every day and do it really half a-sed. That's the American way.

Where's the "any key"? Hm... I think I order a "tab".

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well… all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!

Ooh, the Patriot Act is so terrible! The government might find out what library books I take out! What's next, finding out what operas I go to?

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achille's heel, if you will.

When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power. Like God must feel when he's holding a gun.

I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life.
Number 1: "Cover for me."
Number 2: "Oh, good idea, Boss!"
Number 3: "It was like that when I got here."