The best Quotes from Home Alone

You can be too old for a lot of things, but you're never too old to be afraid.

How can you give Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? What's next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny?

Waiter: "Two scoops of ice cream, sir?"
Kevin: "Two? Make it three. I'm not driving."

Bless this highly nutritious microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale. Amen.

Marv: "He's a kid. Kids are stupid. I know I was."
Harry: "You still are, Marv."

I can't go in there 'cause Uncle Frank's taking a shower. He says if I walked in there and saw him naked, I'd grow up never feeling like a real man.

Will you please tell Santa that instead of presents this year, I just want my family back.

Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbish. You better come out and stop me!

The hospital needs it more than I do. Besides, I'm probably gonna spend it on stuff that'll rot my teeth and my mind.

I'm not apologizing to Buzz, I'd rather kiss a toilet seat.

I don't care if I have to get out on your runway and hitchhike! If it costs me everything I own, if I have to sell my soul to the devil himself, I am going to get home to my son.

Cedric: "You know, Herbert Hoover once stayed here on this floor."
Kevin: "The vacuum guy?"
Cedric: "No, the president."

I'm gonna give you to the count of ten, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead. 1, 2, 10!

I don't think people mean to forget. I think it just happens. My grandfather says if my head wasn't screwed on, I'd leave it on the school bus.

This is my house. I have to defend it!

You guys give up? Or are you thirsty for more?

Kate: "What kind of hotel allows a child to check-in alone?"
Receptionist: "The boy had a very convincing story."
Kate: "What kind of idiots do you have working here?"
Receptionist: "The finest in New York."

All kids, no parents. Probably a fancy orphanage.

If you aren't going to use your heart, then what's the difference if it gets broken? You should take a chance. You got nothing to lose. Your heart might still be broken, but it isn't gone. If it was gone, you wouldn't be this nice.

You can mess with a lot of things. But you can't mess with kids on Christmas!

Santy don't visit the funeral homes, little buddy.

Mom, does Santa Claus have to go through customs?

You bomb me with one more can, kid, and I'll snap off your cajones and boil them in motor oil!

I'm traveling with my dad. He's at a meeting. I hate meetings. Plus, I'm not allowed to go in. I can only sit in the lobby. That's boring. So he dropped me off here. He gave me his credit card and told me to give this to whoever was welcoming people in so I won't get into mischief. And ma'am, sometimes I do get into mischief. We all do!

Keep the change, ya filthy animal!

I took a shower washing every body part with actual soap, including all my major crevices… including in between my toes and in my belly button, which I never did before but sort of enjoyed.

I'm 10 years old. TV is my life.

Has this toothbrush been approved by the American Dental Association?

I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass!

It's Christmastime. There's always a lot of burglaries around the holidays. So we're just in the neighborhood to see if everyone's taking the proper precautions. That's all.

This house is so full of people, it makes me sick! When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone!

Yeah. But remember, we're the wet bandits. The wet bandits. W-E-T.

I think we're gettin' scammed by a kindygartener.

We live on the most boring street in the whole United States of America, where nothing even remotely dangerous will happen.

There are 15 people in this house and you're the only one who has to make trouble.

I am trying to get home to my son. Who is alone. And scared. And he needs his mother.

I can't go to jail, honey. I wouldn't last 30 seconds in gen pop. It's where fresh fish get got.

I don't get it. I mean, right now it looks like there's nobody home. Last night the place was jumping. Something ain't right.

You're what the French call, Les Incompétents.