The best Quotes from Home Alone

You can be too old for a lot of things, but you're never too old to be afraid.

Old Man Marley

How can you give Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? What's next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny?

Waiter: "Two scoops of ice cream, sir?"
Kevin: "Two? Make it three. I'm not driving."

Kevin McCallister in Home Alone - 2: Lost in New York

Ice Cream

Bless this highly nutritious microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale. Amen.

Kevin McCallister

Pasta

Marv: "He's a kid. Kids are stupid. I know I was."
Harry: "You still are, Marv."

Harry Lime

I can't go in there 'cause Uncle Frank's taking a shower. He says if I walked in there and saw him naked, I'd grow up never feeling like a real man.

Kevin McCallister in Home Alone - 2: Lost in New York

Penisses Shower Uncles & Aunties

Will you please tell Santa that instead of presents this year, I just want my family back.

Kevin McCallister

Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbish. You better come out and stop me!

Kevin McCallister

The hospital needs it more than I do. Besides, I'm probably gonna spend it on stuff that'll rot my teeth and my mind.

Kevin McCallister in Home Alone - 2: Lost in New York

I'm not apologizing to Buzz, I'd rather kiss a toilet seat.

Kevin McCallister in Home Alone - 2: Lost in New York

I don't care if I have to get out on your runway and hitchhike! If it costs me everything I own, if I have to sell my soul to the devil himself, I am going to get home to my son.

Kate McCallister

Cedric: "You know, Herbert Hoover once stayed here on this floor."
Kevin: "The vacuum guy?"
Cedric: "No, the president."

Home Alone - 2: Lost in New York

Herbert Hoover

I'm gonna give you to the count of ten, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead. 1, 2, 10!

I don't think people mean to forget. I think it just happens. My grandfather says if my head wasn't screwed on, I'd leave it on the school bus.

Kevin McCallister in Home Alone - 2: Lost in New York

This is my house. I have to defend it!

Kevin McCallister

You guys give up? Or are you thirsty for more?

Kevin McCallister

Kate: "What kind of hotel allows a child to check-in alone?"
Receptionist: "The boy had a very convincing story."
Kate: "What kind of idiots do you have working here?"
Receptionist: "The finest in New York."

Home Alone - 2: Lost in New York

All kids, no parents. Probably a fancy orphanage.

Harry Lime

If you aren't going to use your heart, then what's the difference if it gets broken? You should take a chance. You got nothing to lose. Your heart might still be broken, but it isn't gone. If it was gone, you wouldn't be this nice.

Kevin McCallister in Home Alone - 2: Lost in New York

You can mess with a lot of things. But you can't mess with kids on Christmas!

Kevin McCallister in Home Alone - 2: Lost in New York

Santy don't visit the funeral homes, little buddy.

Marv Murchins

Mom, does Santa Claus have to go through customs?

Brook McCallister

You bomb me with one more can, kid, and I'll snap off your cajones and boil them in motor oil!

Harry Lime

I'm traveling with my dad. He's at a meeting. I hate meetings. Plus, I'm not allowed to go in. I can only sit in the lobby. That's boring. So he dropped me off here. He gave me his credit card and told me to give this to whoever was welcoming people in so I won't get into mischief. And ma'am, sometimes I do get into mischief. We all do!

Kevin McCallister in Home Alone - 2: Lost in New York

Keep the change, ya filthy animal!

I took a shower washing every body part with actual soap, including all my major crevices… including in between my toes and in my belly button, which I never did before but sort of enjoyed.

Kevin McCallister

I'm 10 years old. TV is my life.

Kevin McCallister in Home Alone - 2: Lost in New York

Has this toothbrush been approved by the American Dental Association?

Kevin McCallister

I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass!

Buzz McCallister

Ass

It's Christmastime. There's always a lot of burglaries around the holidays. So we're just in the neighborhood to see if everyone's taking the proper precautions. That's all.

Harry Lime

This house is so full of people, it makes me sick! When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone!

Kevin McCallister

Yeah. But remember, we're the wet bandits. The wet bandits. W-E-T.

Marv Murchins

I think we're gettin' scammed by a kindygartener.

Harry Lime

We live on the most boring street in the whole United States of America, where nothing even remotely dangerous will happen.

Buzz McCallister

There are 15 people in this house and you're the only one who has to make trouble.

Kate McCallister

I am trying to get home to my son. Who is alone. And scared. And he needs his mother.

Carol Mercer in Home Alone - Home Sweet Home Alone

I can't go to jail, honey. I wouldn't last 30 seconds in gen pop. It's where fresh fish get got.

Jeff Fritzovski in Home Alone - Home Sweet Home Alone

I don't get it. I mean, right now it looks like there's nobody home. Last night the place was jumping. Something ain't right.

Harry Lime

You're what the French call, Les Incompétents.

Linnie McCallister

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I could have gone the route of a lot of these former child actors, but I didn't want that for myself. Like I said, when I was 14 years old, I decided to quit. I didn't ever want to do it again.

Macaulay Culkin

I enjoy my life. I think I have a very good life. And I think I'm very satisfied with the direction of my career and just my lifestyle and everything like that. So I wouldn't change a single thing.

Macaulay Culkin

I lead a simple life. I feed the fish. I walk the dogs. I cook dinner. Occasionally I take a meeting.

Macaulay Culkin

I think I may have become an actor to hide from myself. You can escape into a character.

John Candy

Actors

The loss of my father left a great emptiness in my heart.

John Candy

You don't pay an actor to act. An actor will do that for free because we love to act. You pay an actor to wait.

John Candy

Actors

Democracy is not static. It is a living force. Every new idea, every new invention offers opportunity for both good and evil.

Herbert Hoover

Democracy

You can't ruin a friendship with sex. That's like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles

Rajesh Koothrappali in The Big Bang Theory - Season 5 Episode 1

Sex Ice Cream

"Who eats spaghetti with chopsticks?"
"Like a billion people."

Kaleidoscope - Season 1

Pasta

Dude, I don't want to talk about Lacey's prom shoes. And I'll tell you why: I have this thing that makes me really uninterested in prom shoes. It's called a penis.

John Green in Paper Towns

Shoes Penisses

Gabrilla Montez: "Well, you sound like you've done a lot of singing, too."
Troy Bolton: "Yeah, my showerhead is very impressed with me."

Troy Bolton in High School Musical

Singing Shower

The best Quotes from Home Alone

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