The last person that was excited about a check with Donald Trump's name on it was Stormy Daniels.
Oliver Welke - Sendung vom 24.04.2020
We are looking at the biggest economic crash since 1970.
And thanks to closed barber-shops, we'll soon look like the 70s again.
And thanks to closed barber-shops, we'll soon look like the 70s again.
Oliver Welke - April 2020
Kim Jong-un is very isolated in his own country. He's the only obese person in North Korea.
Olaf Schubert - heute-show vom 08.09.2017
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Anti-Vax protester: "Like, their immunity is getting wiped out."
Klepper: "Okay, 'cause COVID wiped out 600.000 DNAs."
Anti-Vax protester: "Yes, of course!"
Anti-Vax protester: "Like, their immunity is getting wiped out."
Klepper: "Okay, 'cause COVID wiped out 600.000 DNAs."
Anti-Vax protester: "Yes, of course!"
Jordan Klepper in The Daily Show - Debates Anti-Vax Mandate Protesters in NYC
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Trevor Noah in The Daily Show - August 2022
The NBA has announced that they will not be playing any games on election day and instead will encourage their fans to go and vote. I will say though, not to sound cynical but, if the Timberwolves game is what was keeping you from voting maybe... yeah.
Trevor Noah in The Daily Show - August 2022
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I know Liberals and Conservatives don't agree on much. But can we agree that you should not own a gun, if you don't know how to poop in a potty?
Jordan Klepper in The Daily Show - April 2023
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Klepper: "You gotta give me the back of that shirt one more time, that's too much fun."
Trump Supporter: "Trump that b*tch!"
Klepper: "Ha ha, we don't even see the irony of it... I love it."
Klepper: "You gotta give me the back of that shirt one more time, that's too much fun."
Trump Supporter: "Trump that b*tch!"
Klepper: "Ha ha, we don't even see the irony of it... I love it."
Jordan Klepper in The Daily Show - Trump Supporter Ideology Test
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Trump Supporter: "Yeah, they want equal."
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Klepper: "When you say 'more', do you mean 'equal'?"
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Usually, when Boris Johnson takes a position, the opposite position is the right one. That's why his hair is always like, "Wherever he goes, I'm going the other way."
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In order to make America great and glorious again, I am tonight announcing my candidacy for president of the United States.
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I'm not going to say it right now. So, everybody, I promise you, in the very next - very, very, very short period of time, you're going to be so happy.
Donald Trump - November 2022, implies he's rerunning for President in 2024 elections
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You see the mob takes the Fifth. If you're innocent, why are you taking the Fifth Amendment?
Donald Trump - May 2017
There can be neither today without yesterday nor tomorrow without today.
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1I dare saying that in regard of protecting us from Corona, a mask that may be uncomfortable is way more effective than a tin foil hat.
Frank-Walter Steinmeier (as President of Germany) - May 2020
1Whoa, and the '70s are back. All we need are the Bee Gees and bell-bottoms and it's Studio 54.
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If you dare as an organization to certify the cancellation of the McRib, I will not accept those results. I'm gonna get a group of people together and we're going to travel and we're going to march down to McDonald's headquarters. We're going to McDonald's the first week of January to start the year off with a bang.
The Daily Show
Corona-Jokes
Donald Trump
Kim Jong Un
70s