Quotes by Hank Schrader

Take it from me, buddy: It's darkest just before the dawn.

What did you do? Show your barber a picture of a dog's ass and said, "I'll take that"?

Where'd you get your law degree, Goodman? The same clown college you got that suit?

There's Marie's guy, Dave. She seems really happy with him. Not that Marie's an advertisement for advanced mental health or anything...

That's your brain working at maximum capactity?

I wouldn't trust these two to break into the Special Olympics.

Well, sometimes forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest, doesn't it?

Damn. Chick's got an ass like an onion - makes me wanna cry.

Look, a guy doesn't gotta look like, you know, Charlton Heston - I'm talking Moses days - to get a girl, all right? You just gotta have confidence.

Walter Jr.: "Hey, I want a beer."
Hank: "Yeah, I want Shania Twain to give me a tuggy. Guess what. It ain't happening either."

Don't think so hard, it's gonna hurt your brain!

Cop: "Anything you want us to tell Steve Gomez? Says he's worried about you."
Hank: "Yeah. Tell him I already got two grandmas."

It's nothing personal Walt, but you wouldn’t know a criminal if he was close enough to check you for a hernia.

Our snitch's car, turns out we find two grams of meth in it. We take it to the lab, they come back they tell us it is the purest they've ever seen. Our chemist is blown away. Said he couldn't do better.