The best Quotes from Grown Ups

Bean: "K-O-B-R-Q-V-Y. Confidence."
Eric: "Well, we're not gonna have to pay for college."

Becky Feder: "How long ago was the '80s?"
Keithie Feder: "That was way back in the 1900s. We learned about it in school. It was wack. The phones had long, curly things coming out of the end. You had to watch commercials."

A burpsnart? It's simple. You just start with a burp, then you sniff with a sneeze, you get the going, and that triggers a fart, always.

Lenny Feder: "Doctor, wouldn't it be nice if there was a cure for anger?"
Dr. Larry: "There is. It's called Jack Daniels."

I can't believe nobody's even scared of a black guy anymore! Damn you, Obama!

Do not call him a bug-eyed sociopath with a little man complex. Do not say that his hair makes him look like a dirty q-tip. Or that he resembles an older, gay Jonas Brother. Or a midget, Filipino Fonzi.

Life can be difficult sometimes, it gets bumpy. What with family and kids and things not going exactly like you planned. But that's what makes it interesting. In life the first act is always exciting. The second act... that is where the depth comes in.

Eric Lamonsoff: "Your dad has won over 50 games with that shot."
Greg Feder: "Really? Because that shot doesn't work on the Wii."
Eric Lamonsoff: "Well, you should Wii-turn that Wii and get yourself a Wii-fund. Tim Duncan has had over a hundred game winners with that shot."

I used to get 10 cases of beer for my parties. Now I get 10 cases of juice boxes.

Becky Feder: "Daddy! Where is it taking them?"
Marcus Higgins: "Hell."
Lenny Feder: "Higgins. Don't say that."
Marcus Higgins: "Oh I'm sorry. Not Hell... Mexico."

Hey Y, where's MCA?

Deanne McKenzie: "How about I take you out for a date night every Thursday?"
Kurt McKenzie: "Well, Thursday night is Grey's Anatomy, but any other night would be great."

If I ever have a daughter I am going to name her Taken. That way, when a boy asks her name she'll say "Hi, I'm Taken."

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.

I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

Pretty girls have problems too.

Music is the soundtrack to the crappy movie that is my life.

My name is Adam Sandler. I'm not particularly talented. I'm not particularly good-looking. And yet I'm a multi-millionaire.

I was raised by a mother who told me I was great every day of my life.

I shouldn't be near Vegas and have money in my pocket.

Chemistry can be a good and bad thing. Chemistry is good when you make love with it. Chemistry is bad when you make crack with it.

A song can take you to a special time in your life.

Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.

There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.

From there, I tried out for a community theatre play, joined an improv group... it all started opening up.

I've always had something in my heart where I root for guys who struggle with women.

I never played a musical instrument growing up but I knew kids who did and took it very seriously.

For the world has changed, and we must change with it.

When you fall, the real test is whether you can ignore the naysayers, pick yourself up and come back stronger.

We go together
Better than birds of a feather, you and me
We change the weather
I'm feeling heat in December when you're 'round me

I've been dancing on top of cars and stumbling out of bars
I follow you through the dark, can't get enough
You're the medicine and the pain, the tattoo inside my brain
And, baby, you know it's obvious

I'm a sucker for you
You say the word and I'll go anywhere blindly
I'm a sucker for you
Any road you take, you know that you'll find me

The time when there is no one there to feel sorry for you or to cheer for you is when a player is made.

I'm not going anywhere. You can print that wherever you want to. I'm here and I'm a Spur for life.

Doesn't matter how tough we are. Trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives, Trauma messes everybody up, but maybe that's the point: All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward, it's what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can step up.

We all remember the bed time stories of our childhoods. The shoe fits Cinderella, the frog turns into a prince, sleeping beauty is awakened with a kiss. Once upon a time and then they lived happily ever after. Fairy tales, the stuff of dreams. The problem is, fairy tales don't come true. It's the other stories, the ones that begin with dark and stormy nights and end in the unspeakable. It's the nightmares that always seem to become reality. The person that invented the phrase "Happily ever after" should have his ass kicked, so hard!

Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80's movies? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie.

Every time you kiss me, it's like sunshine and whiskey.

A tortilla is either corn or wheat. But a corn tortilla folded and filled is a taco, whereas a filled wheat tortilla is a burrito. Deep fry a burrito, it's a chimichanga. Toast a tortilla, it's a tostada. Roll it, it's an enchilada.

How does President Obama like his coffee? Like himself? Weak?

We went from a shitty team to one of the all-time best dynasties. All you needed was one little match to start that whole fire.

The natural world can continue to surprise us as long as we give it space to thrive.

The body is a slave to its impulses.

The only way to fail is not to fight. So fight until you can't fight anymore!

It's a beautiful day to save lives. Let's have some fun.

She's holding that bottle of tequila like a life vest.

Who are you? Do you know what's happened to you? Do you want to live that way?

I wore a diaper yesterday, yes - and I will wear one today. If it helps Dr. Shephert get through the surgery, I will wear a diaper. My diaper is awsome. My diaper is hard-core. You wish you had the balls to wear my diaper. I'm gonna wear it, and I'm gonna wear it with pride. And if I have to pee in it? Oh, I'll pee. Because I'm a sergeon. This is America. And I will do what needs to be done. So you can kiss my hard-core, diaper wearing ass.