The best Quotes by Graham Chapman

There are many people in the country today who, through no fault of their own, are sane. Some of them were born sane. Some of them became sane later in their lives.

We don't deliberately set out to offend. Unless we feel it's justified.

I hope I will have achieved something lasting.

You know, Python should have won a Grammy for our musical work on the show.

We come from nothing, we are going back to nothing - in the end what have we lost? Nothing!

A murderer is only an extroverted suicide.

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

They all welcomed me with open arms and immediately put my fears to rest. John Cleese was rather flirty; Michael Palin seemed rather shy; Terry Jones was very jolly; Eric Idle was a tiny bit aloof; Graham Chapman was very polite and Terry Gilliam was very loud and a bit manic.

You know, you come from nothing, you're going back to nothing. What have you lost? Nothing!

Brian: "You're all individuals!"
People: "Yes, we're all individuals!"
Brian: "You're all different!"
People: "Yes, we are all different!"
Man: "I'm not."

Centurion: "Crucifixion lasts hours, it's a slow, horrible death."
Matthias: "Well, at least it gets you out in the open air."

Sit down, have a scone, make yourself at home... you klutz!

Wise Man: "We are three wise men."
Brian's mother: "Well, what are you doing creeping around a cow shed at two o'clock in the morning? That doesn't sound very wise to me."

All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health. What have the Romans ever done for us?

Matthias: "Lay off! We haven't started yet."
Priest: "Come on! Who threw that? Who threw that stone? Come on!"
Women: "She did! She did! He did! He did!"
Woman: "Sorry, I thought we'd started."
Priest: "Go to the back!"

Throw him to the floor, please!

Reg: "What's the point of fighting for his right to have babies, when he can't have babies?"
Francis: "It is symbolic of our struggle against oppression."
Reg: "It's symbolic of his struggle against reality..."

Should be a good one this afternoon. Local boy.

You break my bloody foot, you break my vow of silence and then you try and clean up on my juniper bushes!

Cheer up, Brian! You know what they say. Some things in life are bad, they can really make you mad. Other things just make you swear and curse. When you're chewing on life's gristle, don't grumble. Give a whistle, and this'll help things turn out for the best. [sings] Always look on the bright side of life...

I loved every minute of Python and owe so much to them.

We're all in our 70s now and even doing 10 shows, with lots of costume changes, is going to be exhausting. And the guys have far more to do than me, obviously. But I have a feeling it might not be the last Python project ever. I wouldn't be surprised if they did another film.

Then there was Michael Palin. Michael is the one who hasn't changed at all. I thought he was - and still is - the cutest of the bunch.

As the first series progressed I found it was John Cleese who I got on best with and who made me laugh the most. He was the one who would change the most during the course of Python.

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.

I think that money spoils most things, once it becomes the primary motivating force.

No day of my life passes without someone saying the words "Monty Python" to me. It's not bad.

We've discovered that the less we do, the more money we make.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will make me go in a corner and cry by myself for hours.

The human race should just slow down and think about what it is doing.

Contrary to what the politicians and religious leaders would like us to believe, the world won't be made safer by creating barriers between people.

The use of the word "just" by an Australian means that whatever it is you have to do, it will not be easy, as in "Just pull that sword out of the stone" or "Just split that atom."

What really alarms me about President Bush's "War on Terrorism" is the grammar. How do you wage war on an abstract noun? How is "Terrorism" going to surrender? It's well known, in philological circles, that it's very hard for abstract nouns to surrender.

We will definitely not burn the Koran, no. Not today, not ever.

The funny thing about history is that we imagine that people didn't laugh in the old days, but of course they did, at stupid things.

I've given up asking questions. l merely float on a tsunami of acceptance of anything life throws at me... and marvel stupidly.

Television and the media are everywhere and they are taking over so powerfully. They don't shut up for a second. So you are unable to think.

I don't do drugs. I've got enough bizarre chemicals floating around in my head. I'm just naturally like this.

Logic will get you from A to Z; imagination will get you everywhere.

I'm not crazy - my reality is just different from yours.

Tao Xu: "If he is even slightly mean to you...-"
Charlie: "...you'll murder him."
Tao Xu: "I was going to say I'd send him a strongly worded DM, but murder's fine too."

You use words like 'introvert' and 'extrovert,' various traits of a personality. A lot of that stuff, we used in drama school, and that was kind of interesting, to realize my teachers sort of ripped off a lot of Jung. And how much of it is part of our society now, these phrases, introvert and extrovert, where it actually came from.

Frenchman: "You empty-headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"
Sir Galahad: "Is there someone else up there we can talk to?"
Frenchman: "No! Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!"

Ah, I see you have the machine that goes "ping!". This is my favourite. You see, we lease this back from the company we sold it to - that way it comes under the monthly current budget and not the capital account.

We find your American beer like making love in a canoe. It's f-ing close to water.

What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!

One candidate is too old and mentally unfit to be president. The other one is me.