The best Quotes by Glenn Quagmire

The best Quotes by Glenn Quagmire

Glenn Quagmire, often referred to by just his surname, is a fictional character from the American adult animated sitcom Family Guy.

Quagmire: "You got to help me. I'm looking for a little boy with red overalls and a yellow shirt."
French Man: "You are looking to buy or to rent?"
Quagmire: "What? No! God! How is Paris considered a classy city?"
French Man: "The buildings are beautiful, the people are trash."

Peter: "How can I be a DJ? I'm just a guy with a laptop and an inflated self-image."
Quagmire: "Trust me, you're perfect!"

Family Guy - Season 15 Episode 12

How come you Eastern European guys can't be quiter in p*rnos? I mean, nobody has ever been like, 'yeah, yeah, more guy noises!'

Family Guy - Season 15 Episode 10

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Chris: "Now you just take that beautiful hair down to the salon, and you'll be a ten."
Stewie: "On a scale of a billion?"

Stewie Griffin in Family Guy - Season 17 Episode 13

Kidnapper: "You guys watch the main cabin, I will find them. I'll take that fat guy as a human shield."
Peter: "Oh, nice, last guy picked for dodgeball, first guy for human shield."

Peter Griffin in Family Guy - Season 15 Episode 10

'Okay, nobody move!"
Cleveland: "Oh my god, those guys in first class have guns."
Peter: "Cleveland, just be happy with what you have. Don't envy people!"

Peter Griffin in Family Guy - Season 15 Episode 10

1

Peter: "Well, I got the results of your ultrasound and I got some news for ya."
Pregnant Woman: "Wait, wait, wait, we don't wanna if it's a boy or a girl."
Peter: "Oh, okay. Well, IT's not breathing."

Peter Griffin in Family Guy - Season 14 Episode 2

Lois: "You're drunk again!"
Peter: "No, I'm just exhausted 'cause I've been up all night drinking."

Peter Griffin in Family Guy - Season 2 Episode 20

1

Lois: "Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk!"
Peter: "That's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk!"

Peter Griffin in Family Guy - Season 2 Episode 20

1

My God, it's finally happened. He's become so massive he's collapsed into himself like a neutron star.

Stewie Griffin in Family Guy - Season 2 Episode 17

1

You're the worst thing to happen to musical theater since Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Stewie Griffin in Family Guy - Season 2 Episode 7

1

Andrew Lloyd Webber

Chris, this is a big day for you. Today you become the man of the house, because when we get home, your mother is going to kill me.

Peter Griffin in Family Guy - Season 1 Episode 3

Brian: "Hey Stewie, how do ya not know about trick-or-treating?!"
Stewie: "How do YOU not know that your reflection on your mirror is not another dog?"

Stewie Griffin in Family Guy

I've got an idea. An idea so smart that my head would explode, if I even began to know what I'm talking about.

Peter Griffin in Family Guy

Lois: "Why should I get my tubes tied? You should get a vasectomy!"
Peter: "First, I don't know what that is. And two, no freakin' way."

Peter Griffin in Family Guy - Season 4 Episode 22

Lois: "I think I'm pregnant."
Peter: "Oh, are you sure it's yours?"

Peter Griffin in Family Guy - Season 4 Episode 22

Lois, men aren't fat. Only fat women are fat.

Peter Griffin in Family Guy - Season 4 Episode 22

Boy, fat sex is the best sex we've ever had! Last night there were so many boobs I didn't know who's boobs I was grabbin'.

Peter Griffin in Family Guy - Season 4 Episode 22

Peter: "I hope you're not pregnant, we can't afford another kid. We already got Chris, Stewie, Richie, Joanie, Greg, Marsha, Bobby, Jan, Mike Seaver, Carol Seaver, Boner, Urkel, Mr. Furley..."
Brian: "Peter those aren't your kids. That's the Nick-At-Night lineup."
Peter: "...Blanka, Zangief, Chun-Li, Guile, E. Honda..."
Brian: "That's Street Fighters!"
Peter: "...red, blue, green..."
Brian: "Those are colors!"

Peter Griffin in Family Guy - Season 4 Episode 22

Lois: "You've never even had a boyfriend more than a few weeks."
Meg: "I have two, remember when I dated the Count?"
Count Count: "One nipple. Two nipples. Three nip- oh, hell no! I'm outta here!"

Meg Griffin in Family Guy

Ouh, that's gotta hurt worse than getting a birthday telegram from Zinédine Zidane.

Stewie Griffin in Family Guy

Zinedine Zidane

If you cooked any more slowly, you wouldn't need an egg timer; you'd need an egg calendar.

Stewie Griffin in Family Guy

So you're single? In Paris? Now I'm even more jealous. I mean, your life is croissants and sex.

Madeline Wheeler in Emily in Paris - Season 1 Episode 3

1

I make the most money, I think, in Russia and Paris, for the people of those countries are so willing to be amused, so eager to see something new and out of the ordinary.

Harry Houdini

1

If Paris is a city of lights, Sydney is the city of fireworks.

Baz Luhrmann

1

An artist has no home in Europe except in Paris.

Friedrich Nietzsche

1

If you start deporting every shady looking guy with questionable tattoos, who's gonna go to Jets games?

Jordan Klepper in The Daily Show

One downside of our big brains is we're the only creatures who are aware that death is inevitable. Although, if you lined ten dogs in a row and shot them one by one, the dog on the end would probably get the gist by about dog four.

Philomena Cunk in Cunk On Life - Episode 1

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