The best Quotes by George Gobel

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today - for tomorrow's gonna be bad enough as it is.

Did you ever get the feeling that the world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?

If it weren't for electricity, we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If inflation continues to soar, you're going to have to work like a dog just to live like one.

My ambition is handicapped by laziness.

There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

Television is a medium of entertainment which permits millions of people to listen to the same joke at the same time, and yet remain lonesome.

You'll never see a Lamborghini commercial in TV again. People who are able to afford a Lamborghini have better things to do than watching TV.

I like to talk on TV about those things that aren't worth writing about.

Sitting still, a person produces about 100 watts of heat. What if you could use that to charge your cell phone?

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

All of the world's darkness isn't enough to extinguish one candle's light.

Even the smallest candle pierces the darkness like the sharpest blade.

Better light a candle than curse the darkness.

Inflation is the moment where even poor people can own a lot of money.

Inflation is just like pregnancy: there's no legal way to stop it.

Invest in inflation. It is the only thing going up.

Kim Jong-un is very isolated in his own country. He's the only obese person in North Korea.

One of the main differences between Munich and Berlin is that when thousands of people get drunk in silly clothes and start vomitting, we don't call it "Oktoberfest", we call it "Tuesday".

To never be sick can't be healthy.

F*ck reason - long live the nonsense!

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.

Cynicism, to me, is trying to make people as unhappy as you are.

Life is so damn short. For f's sake, just do what makes you happy!

The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.

Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

This is the end of Wladimir Putin.

Dubai accomplished that boom through lots of hard work... by slaves.

People say that money changes people. It really doesn't. Money don't change people. Money allows you to be more of who you really are. If you're a kind person when you get a lot of money, you become a kinder person. If you're an a-shole when you get a lot of money, you become a big a-shole. When you see rich people acting like a-sholes it's 'cause they've always been one.

Harvey: "You gonna sit up here on national TV and say 'nekkid', and then point at the damn board like we gonna let you get away with it!"
Contestant: "I bet you said 'nekkid' in one of your comedy routines."
Harvey: "You on Family Feud! This ain't a comedy routine!"

Life is too short to worry about what others say about you. Have fun and give them something to talk about.

The only time you should look back in life is to see how far you have come.

Spotify, the app with the entire history of recorded music that you only use to listen to four songs that you liked in high school.

You don't need to show up like a SWAT Team to rescue a Barbie from a little girl. If anything, you should be rescuing the little girl from the Barbie. Should be getting there like, "little girl, watch out! That Barbie can give you a warped sense of what a woman's body is supposed to be!"

Where I'm from? A little town called none of yo god damn business.

The language you are about to hear… is disturbing.

The last person that was excited about a check with Donald Trump's name on it was Stormy Daniels.

We are looking at the biggest economic crash since 1970.
And thanks to closed barber-shops, we'll soon look like the 70s again.

Anyone who tells you fatherhood is the greatest thing that can happen to you, they are understating it.

Canada is a country of ingredients without a cuisine; we're a country with musicians without an indigenous instrument; Toronto's a city that doesn't even have a dish named after it.

One candidate is too old and mentally unfit to be president. The other one is me.