Quotes by George Carlin

George Denis Patrick Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, and social critic. Carlin was noted for his black comedy and reflections on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. He and his "seven dirty words" comedy routine were central to the 1978 U.S.

The best Quotes and Sayings

Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.

George Carlin
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

George Carlin
 
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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

Funny Quotes, TexasGeorge Carlin
 
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

WeatherGeorge Carlin
 
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

George Carlin
 
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There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

George Carlin
 
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

George Carlin
 
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Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

Laziness, Ambition, Work & CarreerGeorge Carlin
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.

George Carlin
 
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Christmas, Funny QuotesGeorge Carlin
 
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