If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.Funny Quotes, Golf0
Sure you want to meet that soul mate and fall in love and have the big thing, but until that happens, you gotta kiss a lot of frogs.Funny Quotes0
The secrets of success are a good wife and a steady job. My wife told me.Women, Success, Funny Quotes0
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.Funny Quotes, Texas0
What would I put in a museum? Probably a museum. That's an amusing relic of our past.Funny Quotes0
Part of it went on gambling, and part of it went on women. The rest I spent foolishly.Funny Quotes, Gambling0
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.Christmas, Funny Quotes0
There are only two things I can't stand in this world: People who are intolerant of other people's cultures... and the Dutch.Funny Quotes0
I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli.Funny Quotes0
My doctor tells me I should start slowing it down - but there are more old drunks than there are old doctors so let's all have another round.Alcohol, Funny Quotes0
Behind every successful man is a proud wife and a surprised mother-in-law.Marriage, Success, Funny Quotes0
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.Laziness, Funny Quotes, Fun0
There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side.Funny Quotes0
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.Alcohol, Funny Quotes0
I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.Funny Quotes0
Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.Weather, Funny Quotes0
'Must you fall asleep while I'm speaking?'
Winston Churchill: 'No, it’s purely voluntary.'
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.Christmas, Funny Quotes0
this year, please give me a big fat bank account and a slim body. And please, don't mix those two up like you did last year.
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.Smoking, Funny Quotes0