Funny Quotes by Politicians

These days, I look in the mirror and I have to admit, I'm not the strapping young Muslim socialist that I used to be.

They missed a great opportunity to shut up.

Leno: "What's this thing with Trump and you? I don't get it, it's like me and Letterman - what has he got against you?"
Obama: "This all dates back to when we were growing up together in Kenya. We had constant run-ins on the soccer field."

My chances of being PM are about as good as the chances of finding Elvis on Mars, or me being reincarnated as an olive.

Never ask anyone over 70 how they feel. They'll tell you.

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog!

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

I am told that the last three speakers here [Westminster Hall] have been the Pope, her Majesty the Queen and Nelson Mandela. Which is either a very high bar or the beginning of a very funny joke.

Being president is like running a cemetery: you've got a lot of people under you and nobody's listening.

Zach Galifianakis: "What is it like to be the last black president?"
Barack Obama: "Seriously? What's it like for this to be the last time, you'll ever talk to a president?"

So congratulations, again, to the Miami Heat. And now we are going to take a picture that makes me look very short.

Most of the things that we found out about ourselves are an essential part of every good party.

I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.