Funny Quotes by Politicians

These days, I look in the mirror and I have to admit, I'm not the strapping young Muslim socialist that I used to be.

Barack Obama - White House Correspondents' Dinner 2013

They missed a great opportunity to shut up.

Leno: "What's this thing with Trump and you? I don't get it, it's like me and Letterman - what has he got against you?"
Obama: "This all dates back to when we were growing up together in Kenya. We had constant run-ins on the soccer field."

Barack Obama - The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, October 2012

My chances of being PM are about as good as the chances of finding Elvis on Mars, or me being reincarnated as an olive.

Boris Johnson - June 2012

Never ask anyone over 70 how they feel. They'll tell you.

George H. W. Bush

Age

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog!

Harry S. Truman

Washington, D.C.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

Winston Churchill

Dump-Quotes Funny Insults

I am told that the last three speakers here [Westminster Hall] have been the Pope, her Majesty the Queen and Nelson Mandela. Which is either a very high bar or the beginning of a very funny joke.

Barack Obama - May 2011

Nelson Mandela Queen Elizabeth II

Being president is like running a cemetery: you've got a lot of people under you and nobody's listening.

Bill Clinton

Zach Galifianakis: "What is it like to be the last black president?"
Barack Obama: "Seriously? What's it like for this to be the last time, you'll ever talk to a president?"

Barack Obama in Between Two Ferns

So congratulations, again, to the Miami Heat. And now we are going to take a picture that makes me look very short.

Barack Obama - January 28, 2013 - Miami Heat visit the White House

Miami Heat

Most of the things that we found out about ourselves are an essential part of every good party.

Angela Merkel (about Wikileaks)

2010

I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Winston Churchill (on his 75th birthday)

Death Birthday

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War is young men dying and old men talking. You know this. Ignore the politics.

Odysseus in Troy

War Politics

Equations are more important to me, because politics is for the present, but an equation is something for eternity.

Albert Einstein

Mathematics Politics

Finance is a gun. Politics is knowing when to pull the trigger.

Don Lucchesi in The Godfather - Teil 3

Money Politics

Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects.

Lester B. Pearson

Politics

In politics, nothing happens by accident. If it happens, you can bet it was planned that way.

Franklin D. Roosevelt

Politics

Politics have no relation to morals.

Niccoló Machiavelli

Politics Morality

An honest man in politics shines more there than he would elsewhere.

Mark Twain

Politics Honesty

You're in politics. You know that no one can claw their way to the top without getting a little dirt under their fingernails.

Victoria Leeds in Baywatch

Politics

They say politics is a contact sport, and I have to agree with that.

Steve Largent

Politics

Statecraft is the art of attending to small matters as diligently as grand ones.

Ar-Pharazôn in The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power - Season 1 Episode 4

Politics Small Things

Someone once said that politics is little more than the systematic organization of hostilities.

Wilhuff Tarkin in Star Wars Books - Tarkin

Politics

Politics is a game and a profession. It doesn't really serve the people the politicians are supposed to serve.

Kit Harington

Politics Politicians

For the world has changed, and we must change with it.

Barack Obama

Change

When you fall, the real test is whether you can ignore the naysayers, pick yourself up and come back stronger.

Barack Obama - January 28, 2013 - Miami Heat visit the White House

Beginning

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.

Barack Obama

Change Motivation

Look at Berlin, where Germans and Americans learned to work together and trust each other less than three years after facing each other on the field of battle.

Barack Obama

Germany Berlin

Artists use lies to tell the truth, while politicians use them to cover the truth up.

Evey Hammond in V for Vendetta

Art Truth Politicians

You know, you're gonna have to get much better at lying if you want to be president.

Lucifer Morningstar in Lucifer - Season 1 Episode 1

Lies Politicians

Don't forget, she's a politician, and they're not to be trusted.

Obi-Wan Kenobi in Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones - about Padmé

Politicians

Mrs M, if we were the last three humans on earth, I would be trying to start a family with Baldrick.

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Dump-Quotes

Actually, I wanted to stop being mean. But everyone else has to stop being dumb first.

Foolishness Dump-Quotes

The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

Winston Churchill

Optimism Pessimism

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

Winston Churchill

Success Beginning Motivation

Education is the most powerful weapon you can choose to change the world.

Nelson Mandela

Human Rights Education

I hope in the years to come everyone will be able to take pride in how they responded to this challenge.

Queen Elizabeth II (as Queen of the United Kingdom) - April 2020

Coronavirus

One can go to war alone, but you can't build peace alone.

Jacques Chirac

War Peace

If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all.

Thumper in Bambi

Kindness Mouth

I have nothing against Orlando, though you are, of course, far more likely to get shot or robbed there than in London.

Boris Johnson

London Orlando

We are not the sum of our possessions.

George H. W. Bush

Wealth & Richness

All grown-ups were once children... but only few of them remember it.

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry in The Little Prince

Children & Childhood Birthday Age

America was not built on fear. America was built on courage, on imagination and an unbeatable determination to do the job at hand.

Harry S. Truman

Taking action USA Independence Day

As a native Washingtonian, I am well aware that childhood obesity is a real problem in our nation's capital.

Dan Snyder

Washington, D.C.

The mind is a complex and many-layered thing, Potter... or at least, most minds are.

Severus Snape in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Harry James Potter Spirit Funny Insults

We can't do everything, but we have to do, what we can do.

Bill Clinton

How does President Obama like his coffee? Like himself? Weak?

Zach Galifianakis in Between Two Ferns

Barack Obama

If you want to be honest, LeBron James is the greatest player to ever put a Miami Heat jersey on... I'm the greatest player in the history of the Miami Heat... But I'm not the greatest player to put on a Heat jersey.

Dwayne Wade

LeBron James Miami Heat

I believe in Europe. I am convinced by Europe. Not only as a heritage from the past, but as hope and a vision for the future.

Angela Merkel (as Chancellor of Germany) - July 2020, Speech at the European Parliament

European Union

Funny Quotes by Politicians

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