The funniest Football Quotes of all times

Toni Kroos - July 2022

Ed Sheeran FC Schalke 04

Congratulation on signing the best coach in the world.

Louis van Gaal - 1991, on becoming Coach at Ajax

Ajax Amsterdam

I'm starting to think that my left foot is capable of more than just picking up beer.

Thomas Müller (as player at Bayern Munich)

My son sent me a video about raging coaches - I was in there three times.

Jürgen Klopp (as coach at FC Liverpool) - auf die Frage, wie er es schaffe, immer so humorvoll zu sein

Liverpool F.C.Coaches

The most difficult thing in football is to score a goal.

Pep Guardiola

Quotes about Football/Soccer

There was the thought that this would send me into retirement. I sent their entire country into retirement.

Zlatan Ibrahimović - after qualifying for the EURO 2016 with Sweden against Denmark

Denmark

I don't believe they can change the Eiffel Tower for my statue, even the people behind the club. But if they can, I will stay here - I promise you.

Zlatan Ibrahimović - about his future at Paris Saint-Germain

Paris Saint-Germain

Zlatan is just a human. The same way a great white shark is just a fish.

Zlatan Ibrahimović - via Twitter, October 3rd 2014

If Real comes back against Dortmund I will let my girlfriend sleep with the players.

Mario Balotelli - April 2013

Real Madrid Borussia Dortmund

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I fell in love with football as I was later to fall in love with women: suddenly, inexplicably, uncritically, giving no thought to the pain or disruption it would bring with it.

Nick Hornby in Fever Pitch

Quotes about Football/Soccer Falling in love

Fifa cannot sit by and see greed rule the football world. Nor shall we.

Sepp Blatter

Quotes about Football/Soccer FIFA Association

Racism and discrimination of any kind have no place in football.

Sepp Blatter

Quotes about Football/Soccer

To win you have to score one more goal than your opponent.

Johan Cruyff

Quotes about Football/Soccer

Without football, my life is worth nothing.

Cristiano Ronaldo

Quotes about Football/Soccer

As the new season dawns, new stars will rise, new teams will captivate, new stadiums will rock, new challenges will emerge, new battles will be fought. In the name of glory, in the name of honor, in the name of football, the game we love, the game we live for.

FIFA - 14

Quotes about Football/Soccer

My opinion is that individual awards are unnecessary in a team sport. No single player would have won anything on their own.

Toni Kroos - Oktober 2023

Quotes about Football/Soccer Teams

In the end, for me, football is still a game. Even if you are a professional, you need to have fun when you are on the field.

Kevin De Bruyne

Quotes about Football/Soccer

Football is about friendship aswell, it's not about sports only, it's not about business.

Aleksander Čeferin (as UEFA President) - October 2021

Quotes about Football/Soccer

The most difficult thing in football is to score a goal.

Pep Guardiola

Quotes about Football/Soccer

Running is for animals. You need a brain and a ball for football.

Louis van Gaal

Quotes about Football/Soccer

If the teams with the best players always won, football would be boring.

Luis Enrique

Quotes about Football/Soccer

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter who is scoring and who is not scoring. It's about winning games.

Christian Eriksen

Quotes about Football/Soccer

Playing football for three years is a long time - playing at Real Madrid for three years is even longer.

Toni Kroos - May 2020

Quotes about Football/Soccer Real Madrid

Since I left France, everything has gone downhill. France needs me, I don't need France. Even if you have Mbappé, Neymar and Messi, it doesn't help you because you don't have God.

Zlatan Ibrahimović - October 2022

Neymar Paris Saint-Germain

This is for Mino Raiola. It's the first title I have won without Mino by my side. I was close to signing for Napoli, then he told me that I was the only one who could save Milan. So I dedicate it to him.

Zlatan Ibrahimović - May 2022

Mino Raiola A.C. Milan

Broker: "I found a nice house, but has no furnitures."
Zlatan: "Then you go to IKEA and you get the furnitures."
Broker: "Rich people don't buy furnitures in IKEA."
Zlatan: "No, but intelligent people do."

Zlatan Ibrahimović

IKEA

One year with me and you learned how to win titles.

Zlatan Ibrahimović - July 2021, about Gianluigi Donnarumma winning EURO

I will leave the club at the end of the season. I love absolutely everything about this club. I love everything about the city. I love everything about our supporters. I love the team. I love the staff. I love everything. I'm running out of energy. I know that I cannot do the job again and again.

Jürgen Klopp - January 2024

Liverpool F.C.

I stay for another two years. "Why?" is now the question... because Ulla wants to stay. And as a good husband, what are you doing when your wife wants to stay? You stay. That's not the only reason. I love our club and it's the best place to be.

Jürgen Klopp - April 2022

Liverpool F.C.

I would be a really bad James Bond. Because, if I walk out of the water in swim shorts, I think that would be the moment when the whole world would switch off.

Jürgen Klopp - October 2021

James Bond

We'll be waiting for him like a wife, waiting for her husband to be released from prison.

Jürgen Klopp (as coach for Borussia Dortmund) - about the hurt Mats Hummels

Borussia Dortmund

We're in good shape. So now, Dortmund is coming!

Erling Haaland (as player for Borussia Dortmund) - April 2021

Borussia Dortmund

After seven years of Jürgen Klopp in Dortmund, we're more used to having Late Night Shows instead of press conferences.

Mats Hummels - October 2020, about the calmness of his coach Favre

Jürgen Klopp Borussia Dortmund

And if we should die tonight
We should all die together

Ed Sheeran - I See Fire

Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars

Ed Sheeran - Thinking out loud

You had 90 minutes to come up with something and now you're asking me these two sh-t questions. That's incredible.

Toni Kroos - Mai 2022, nach CL-Finalsieg von Real Madrid

Real Madrid

If he stays, that would be a positive signal for Schalke. Raul is a super player and we need his high level of quality in order to be successful.

Klaas-Jan Huntelaar

FC Schalke 04

Am I the one who's so smart, or are you so stupid?

Louis van Gaal

Ajax were a childhood love of mine.

Klaas-Jan Huntelaar

Ajax Amsterdam

I'd be very happy to play with the guys of this generation.

Thomas Müller - March 2021, about eventually playing at the EURO 2021

Soccer European Championships 2020

Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you’ll never walk alone

Liverpool F.C.

They fire coaches before players.

Doug Pederson

Coaches

I can't believe it, maybe he's a liar! He's so good for 17 years old, he's a fantastic player. There was one moment when he didn't get the ball from central defenders, how he shouts and demands that ball to him at 17 means a lot.

Pep Guardiola - September 2020

Jude Bellingham

Denmark... also known as "wrong Norway", "different Sweden" and "that's actually not Finland".

John Oliver (Last Week Tonight)

Denmark

PSG - I think they had a money problem and they couldn't buy players. This is the main reason I didn't go there.

Ángel Di María

Paris Saint-Germain

The Real Madrid shirt is white. It can stain of mud, sweat and even of blood, but never of shame.

Santiago Bernabéu

Real Madrid

Our secretary of health and human sacrifice, RFK Jr.

Jimmy Kimmel (Jimmy Kimmel Live!) - May 2025

RFK Jr.

The funniest Football Quotes of all times

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