The funniest Football Quotes of all times

The funniest Football Quotes of all times

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When Dortmund won here for the last time, 19 years ago, most of my players have still been quenched.
2
Ed Sheeran did what I haven't seen too often before: Make people smile when leaving the Schalke Arena.
Toni Kroos - July 2022
1
Congratulation on signing the best coach in the world.
Louis van Gaal - 1991, on becoming Coach at Ajax
I'm starting to think that my left foot is capable of more than just picking up beer.
Thomas Müller (as player at Bayern Munich)
My son sent me a video about raging coaches - I was in there three times.
Jürgen Klopp (as coach at FC Liverpool) - auf die Frage, wie er es schaffe, immer so humorvoll zu sein
The most difficult thing in football is to score a goal.
There was the thought that this would send me into retirement. I sent their entire country into retirement.
Zlatan Ibrahimović - after qualifying for the EURO 2016 with Sweden against Denmark
I don't believe they can change the Eiffel Tower for my statue, even the people behind the club. But if they can, I will stay here - I promise you.
Zlatan Ibrahimović - about his future at Paris Saint-Germain
Zlatan is just a human. The same way a great white shark is just a fish.
Zlatan Ibrahimović - via Twitter, October 3rd 2014
If Real comes back against Dortmund I will let my girlfriend sleep with the players.
Mario Balotelli - April 2013

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I fell in love with football as I was later to fall in love with women: suddenly, inexplicably, uncritically, giving no thought to the pain or disruption it would bring with it.
3
Fifa cannot sit by and see greed rule the football world. Nor shall we.
1
Racism and discrimination of any kind have no place in football.
1
To win you have to score one more goal than your opponent.
1
Without football, my life is worth nothing.
1
As the new season dawns, new stars will rise, new teams will captivate, new stadiums will rock, new challenges will emerge, new battles will be fought. In the name of glory, in the name of honor, in the name of football, the game we love, the game we live for.
FIFA - 14
1
My opinion is that individual awards are unnecessary in a team sport. No single player would have won anything on their own.
Toni Kroos - Oktober 2023
In the end, for me, football is still a game. Even if you are a professional, you need to have fun when you are on the field.
Football is about friendship aswell, it's not about sports only, it's not about business.
Aleksander Čeferin (as UEFA President) - October 2021
The most difficult thing in football is to score a goal.
Running is for animals. You need a brain and a ball for football.
If the teams with the best players always won, football would be boring.
At the end of the day, it doesn't matter who is scoring and who is not scoring. It's about winning games.
Playing football for three years is a long time - playing at Real Madrid for three years is even longer.
Toni Kroos - May 2020
Since I left France, everything has gone downhill. France needs me, I don't need France. Even if you have Mbappé, Neymar and Messi, it doesn't help you because you don't have God.
Zlatan Ibrahimović - October 2022
This is for Mino Raiola. It's the first title I have won without Mino by my side. I was close to signing for Napoli, then he told me that I was the only one who could save Milan. So I dedicate it to him.
Broker: "I found a nice house, but has no furnitures."
Zlatan: "Then you go to IKEA and you get the furnitures."
Broker: "Rich people don't buy furnitures in IKEA."
Zlatan: "No, but intelligent people do."
One year with me and you learned how to win titles.
Zlatan Ibrahimović - July 2021, about Gianluigi Donnarumma winning EURO
I will leave the club at the end of the season. I love absolutely everything about this club. I love everything about the city. I love everything about our supporters. I love the team. I love the staff. I love everything. I'm running out of energy. I know that I cannot do the job again and again.
Jürgen Klopp - January 2024
I stay for another two years. "Why?" is now the question... because Ulla wants to stay. And as a good husband, what are you doing when your wife wants to stay? You stay. That's not the only reason. I love our club and it's the best place to be.
Jürgen Klopp - April 2022
I would be a really bad James Bond. Because, if I walk out of the water in swim shorts, I think that would be the moment when the whole world would switch off.
Jürgen Klopp - October 2021
We'll be waiting for him like a wife, waiting for her husband to be released from prison.
Jürgen Klopp (as coach for Borussia Dortmund) - about the hurt Mats Hummels
2
We're in good shape. So now, Dortmund is coming!
Erling Haaland (as player for Borussia Dortmund) - April 2021
1
After seven years of Jürgen Klopp in Dortmund, we're more used to having Late Night Shows instead of press conferences.
Mats Hummels - October 2020, about the calmness of his coach Favre
1
And if we should die tonight
We should all die together
Ed Sheeran - I See Fire
19
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Ed Sheeran - Thinking out loud
16
You had 90 minutes to come up with something and now you're asking me these two sh-t questions. That's incredible.
Toni Kroos - Mai 2022, nach CL-Finalsieg von Real Madrid
1
If he stays, that would be a positive signal for Schalke. Raul is a super player and we need his high level of quality in order to be successful.
Am I the one who's so smart, or are you so stupid?
Ajax were a childhood love of mine.
I'd be very happy to play with the guys of this generation.
Thomas Müller - March 2021, about eventually playing at the EURO 2021
Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you’ll never walk alone
1
They fire coaches before players.
I can't believe it, maybe he's a liar! He's so good for 17 years old, he's a fantastic player. There was one moment when he didn't get the ball from central defenders, how he shouts and demands that ball to him at 17 means a lot.
Pep Guardiola - September 2020
Denmark... also known as "wrong Norway", "different Sweden" and "that's actually not Finland".
John Oliver (Last Week Tonight)
PSG - I think they had a money problem and they couldn't buy players. This is the main reason I didn't go there.
The Real Madrid shirt is white. It can stain of mud, sweat and even of blood, but never of shame.
1
For every $1 we could raise, they'll remove one pound of plastic from the ocean. We're trying to raise $30 million by the end of the year.
Mark Rober in Jimmy Kimmel Live! - November 2021

Related pages to Funny Football Quotes

The best Quotes about Football/SoccerQuotes about Football/SoccerThe best Quotes by Zlatan IbrahimovićZlatan IbrahimovićThe best Quotes by Jürgen KloppJürgen KloppQuotes and Sayings about Borussia DortmundBorussia DortmundQuotes and Lyrics by Ed SheeranEd SheeranThe best Quotes by Toni KroosToni KroosQuotes and Sayings about FC Schalke 04FC Schalke 04The best Quotes by Louis van GaalLouis van GaalQuotes and Sayings about Ajax AmsterdamAjax AmsterdamThe best Quotes by Thomas MüllerThomas Müller