"E" for "Exceeds Expectations". And I've always thought Fred and I should've got "E" in everything, because we exceeded expectations just by turning up for the exams.Fred and George Weasley in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
If we're not careful, we'll have another Head Boy in the family. I don't think I could stand the shame.Fred and George Weasley in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
"You haven't got a letter on yours," George observed, "I suppose she thinks you don't forget your name. But we're not stupid - we know we're called Gred and Forge."Fred and George Weasley in Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
"You're a prefect? Oh Ronnie! That's everyone in the family!"
"What are Fred and I? Next door neighbors?"
Don't get lulled into a false sense of security, thinking he's out of the country. Maybe he is, maybe he isn't, but the fact remains he can move faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo.Fred and George Weasley in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
"Now, you two – this year, you behave yourselves. If I get one more owl telling me you've – you've blown up a toilet or –"
"Blown up a toilet? We've never blown up a toilet."
"Great idea though, thanks, Mum."
"You won't tease him, will you?" she added anxiously.
"Wouldn't dream of it," said Fred, who was looking as if his birthday had come early.
"Definitely not," said George, sniggering.
"Percy's been acting very oddly this summer," said George, frowning. "And he has been sending a lot of letters and spending a load of time shut up in his room... I mean, there's only so many times you can polish a prefect badge."Fred and George Weasley in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
"I love hearing Mum shouting at someone else," said Fred, with a satisfied smile on his face as he opened the door an inch or so to allow Mrs Weasley's voice to permeate the room better, "it makes such a nice change."
"The idiots are letting her get into her stride," said George, shaking his head. "You've got to head her off early otherwise she builds up a head of steam and goes on for hours."
"Would you like us to clean out your ears for you?" inquired George, pulling a long and lethal-looking metal instrument from inside one of the Zonko's bags.
"Or any part of your body, really, we're not fussy where we stick this," said Fred.
Well, none of us really fancy it, mate. Imagine if something went wrong, and we ended up a scrawny specky git forever.Fred and George Weasley in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Moody: "For those of you who haven't taken Polyjuice Potion before, fair warning: It tastes like goblin piss."
Fred: "Have a lot of experience with that, do you, Mad-Eye?"
"Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs," sighed George, patting the heading of the map. "We owe them so much."
"Noble men, working tirelessly to help a new generation of lawbreakers," said Fred solemnly.
"You don't want to bottle up your anger like that, Harry, let it all out," said Fred, also beaming. "There might be a couple of people fifty miles away who didn't hear you."Fred and George Weasley in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Time is Galleons, little brother.Fred and George Weasley in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Ask us no questions and we'll tell you no lies.Fred and George Weasley in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
"Don't, Ginny, we'll send you loads of owls."
"We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat."
"Only joking, Mum."
"Size is no guarantee of power," said George. "Look at Ginny."Fred and George Weasley in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
"Fred, you next," the plump woman said.
"I'm not Fred, I'm George," said the boy. "Honestly, woman, you call yourself our mother? Can't you tell I'm George?"
"Sorry, George, dear."
"Only joking, I am Fred," said the boy and off he went.
Fred and George turned to each other and said together, "Wow, we're identical!"
"I dunno though, I think I'm still better looking," said Fred, examining his reflection in the kettle.
"Well, that's that plan scuppered," said George, "Obviously there's no chance at all of us getting a bit of your hair unless you cooperate."
"Yeah, thirteen of us against one bloke who's not allowed to use magic; we've got no chance," said Fred.
Give her hell from us, Peeves.Fred and George Weasley in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
"Where is Wood?" said Harry, suddenly realizing he wasn't there. "Still in the showers," said Fred. "We think he's trying to drown himself."Fred and George Weasley in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
I thought it sounded a bit like Percy singing... maybe you've got to attack him while he's in the shower, Harry.Fred and George Weasley in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
"Can't stay long, Mother," he said. "I'm up front, the prefects have got two compartments to themselves."
"Oh, are you a prefect, Percy?" said one of the twins, with an air of great surprise. "You should have said something, we had no idea."
"Hang on, I think I remember him saying something about it," said the other twin. "Once-"
"I just can't justify taking more time off at the moment. Mr Crouch is really starting to rely on me."
"Yeah, you know what, Percy?" said George seriously. "I reckon he'll know your name soon."
Fred's eyes stared without seeing, the ghost of his last laugh still etched upon his face.Fred and George Weasley in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Make way for the heir of Slytherin, seriously evil wizard coming through!Fred and George Weasley in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
"Anyone can speak Troll," said Fred dismissively, "all you have to do is point and grunt."Fred and George Weasley in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
"What do we want to be Prefects for?" said George, looking revolted at the very idea. "It’d take all the fun out of life."Fred and George Weasley in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
George: "Remember old Fleur Delacour? She's got a job at Gringotts to eemprove 'er Eeenglish -"
Fred: "And Bill's been giving her a lot of private lessons."
"Mad-Eye Moody?" said George thoughtfully, spreading marmalade on his toast. "Isn't he that nutter -"
"Your father thinks very highly of Mad-Eye Moody," said Mrs. Weasley sternly.
"Yeah, well, Dad collects plugs, doesn't he?" said Fred quietly as Mrs. Weasley left the room.
I wish old Bilius Uncle Bilius was still with us, though; he was a right laugh at weddings. Before he went loopy he was the life and soul of the party. He used to down an entire bottle of Firewhisky, then run on to the dance floor, hoist up his robes and start pulling bunches of flowers out of his -Fred and George Weasley in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
"When I get married," said Fred, tugging at the collar of his own robes, "I won't be bothering with any of this nonsense. You can all wear what you like, and I'll put a full Body-Bind Curse on Mum until it's all over."Fred and George Weasley in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Even Fred had said that Ron might yet make him and George proud, and that they were seriously considering admitting he was related to them, something they assured him they had been trying to deny for four years.Fred and George Weasley in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
"I can't see any boils," said Ron, staring at the twins.
"No, well, you wouldn't," said Fred darkly, "they're not in a place we generally display to the public."
"But it makes sitting on a broom a right pain in the -"
"Harry!" said Fred, elbowing Percy out of the way and bowing deeply. "Simply splendid to see you, old boy-"
"Marvelous," said George, pushing Fred aside and seizing Harry's hand in turn. "Absolutely spiffing."
"That's enough, now," said Mrs. Weasley.
"Mum!" said Fred as though he'd only just spotted her and seizing her hand too. "How really corking to see you-"
"Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs," sighed George, patting the heading of the map. "We owe them so much."
"Noble men, working tirelessly to help a new generation of law-breakers."
"Yeah, someone might slip dragon dung in it again, eh, Perce?" said Fred.
"That was a sample of fertilizer from Norway!" said Percy, going very red in the face. "It was nothing personal!"
"It was," Fred whispered to Harry as they got up from the table. "We sent it."
She pointed at the brand-new silver badge on Percy's chest. "Second Head Boy in the family!" she said, swelling with pride.
"And last," Fred muttered under his breath.
George: "So what's the plan, Harry?"
Harry: "There isn't one."
Fred: "Just going to make it up as we go along, are we? My favourite kind."
For instance, this new idea that You-Know-Who can kill with a single glance from his eyes. That's a Basilisk, listeners. One simple test: check whether the thing that's glaring at you has got legs. If it has, it's safe to look into its eyes, although if it really is You-Know-Who, that's still likely to be the last thing you ever do.Fred and George Weasley in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
"Ginny's got other brothers to set her an example, Mother," said Percy loftily. "I'm going up to change for dinner."
He disappeared and George heaved a sigh.
"We tried to shut him in a pyramid," he told Harry. "But Mum spotted us."
"What is this we hear from Ginny about you and a young lady called - unless our information is faulty - Lavender Brown?"
Ron turned a little pink, but did not look displeased as he turned back to the sprouts.
"Mind your own business."
"What a snappy retort," said Fred. "I really don't know how you think of them. No, what we wanted to know was... how did it happen?"
"What d'you mean?"
"Did she have an accident or something?"
"Well, how did she sustain such extensive brain damage?"
"Get to that Snitch before Malfoy or die trying, Harry, because we've got to win today, we've got to."
"So no pressure, Harry," said Fred, winking at him.
"How do you feel, Georgie?" whispered Mrs. Weasley.
George's fingers groped for the side of his head.
"Saintlike," he murmured.
"What's wrong with him?" croaked Fred, looking terrified. "Is his mind affected?"
"Saintlike," repeated George, opening his eyes and looking up at his brother. "You see... I'm hol(e)y, Fred, geddit?"
"Excellent, I think I see a few Veela cousins," said George, craning his neck for a better look. "They'll need help understanding our English customs, I'll look after them..."
"Not so fast, Lugless," said Fred, and darting past the gaggle of middle-aged witches heading the procession he said, "Here - permettez-moi to assister vous," to a pair of pretty French girls, who giggled and allowed him to escort them inside.
Ron: "How much is this?"
Fred and George: "Five Galleons."
Ron: "How much for me?"
Fred and George: "Five Galleons."
Ron: "I'm your brother!"
Fred and George: "Ten Galleons."
"Best range of love potions you'll find anywhere."
Ginny raised an eyebrow sceptically. "Do they work?"
"Certainly they work, for up to twenty-four hours at a time depending on the weight of the boy in question -"
"- and the attractiveness of the girl," said George.
Why are you worrying about You-Know-Who? You should be worrying about U-No-Poo - the constipation sensation that's gripping the nation!Fred and George Weasley in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Where's the fun without a bit of risk?Fred and George Weasley in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
"George," said Fred, "I think we've outgrown full-time education."
"Yeah, I've been feeling that way myself," said George lightly.
"The Ministry's providing a couple of cars," said Mr Weasley. Everyone looked up at him.
"Why?" said Percy curiously.
"It's because of you, Perce," said George seriously. "And there'll be little flags on the bonnets, with HB on them -"
"- for Humungous Bighead," said Fred. Everyone except Percy and Mrs Weasley snorted into their pudding.
Charlie had to take the test twice. He failed first time, Apparated five miles south of where he meant to, right on top of some poor old dear doing her shopping.Fred and George Weasley in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire