Quotes by Fred Allen

A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.

I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.

A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.