Quotes by Fred Allen

John Florence Sullivan, known professionally as Fred Allen, was an American comedian. His absurdist, topically pointed radio program The Fred Allen Show made him one of the most popular and forward-looking humorists in the Golden Age of American radio. His best-remembered gag was his long-running mock feud with friend and fellow comedian Jack Benny, but it was only part of his appeal; radio historian John Dunning wrote that Allen was radio's most admired comedian and most frequently censored.

A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.

- Fred Allen

I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.

- Fred Allen

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

- Fred Allen

I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.

- Fred Allen

A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.

- Fred Allen