The best Quotes by Fran Lebowitz

I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.

Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.

Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching.

The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.

In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.

This is why you never go to New Jersey!

The results of a new study are out this week saying that New Jersey is one of the most livable states in the country. The study has a margin of error of 100 percent.

Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse, we gotta go to Jersey.

I feel like if you're in Jersey, you have to be a Jersey Devils fan. Anybody born within the confines of the border of the state of New Jersey, I feel, should be a Jersey Devils fan.

The state of New Jersey is really two places - terrible cities and wonderful suburbs. I live in the suburbs, the final battleground of the American dream, where people get married and have kids and try to scratch out a happy life for themselves. It's very romantic in that way, but a bit naive. I like to play with that in my work.

Los Angeles traffic is just the worst thing in the world. It throws off timing so much. However, it's always warm and sunny. New Jersey has absolutely terrible weather, but the environment is really homey and chill.

You're asking me if I have any gum? That's like asking New Jersey if it has any sl-ts!

They say money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a flight to New Jersey - and that's pretty much the same thing.

The world is the board, Heiress. We just have to keep rolling the dice.

When the odds are bad, you change the rules.

I found that any game can be made interesting if you put some money on it.

You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine.

It takes much more courage to be in love than it does for war.

You say you love rain, but you use an umbrella to walk under it. You say you love sun, but you seek shade when it is shining. You say you love wind, but when it comes, you close your window. So that's why I'm scared when you say you love me.

The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.

Finding someone you love and who loves you back is a wonderful, wonderful feeling. But finding a true soul mate is an even better feeling. A soul mate is someone who understands you like no other, loves you like no other, will be there for you forever, no matter what. They say that nothing lasts forever, but I am a firm believer in the fact that for some, love lives on even after we're gone.

"I'll fix it up with Mum and Dad, then I'll call you. I know how to use a fellytone now."
"A telephone, Ron," said Hermione. "Honestly, you should take Muggle Studies next year."

Grace: "I had the phone put in. It's in the back."
Tommy: "If we knew someone else who had a phone, we could call them."

No matter how old you are, if a little kid hands you a toy phone… you answer it!

To me, emails are a little bit frustrating. I think that the telephone is much preferred because you get the sound of the voice and the interest and everything else you can't see in an email.

If there is a country that has committed unspeakable atrocities in the world, it is the United States of America. They don’t care for human beings.

This is America. Anyone can eat what they want, as long as they eat too much.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

We may have all come on different ships, but we're in the same boat now.

Every country has its own mafia. In Russia, the mafia has its own country.

I want to say thank you to each of you because we are together. And when we feel the reliable support of those standing beside us, Russia becomes one big family.

This country, Russia, has changed. Russia has become a real football country... where football has become part of the country's DNA and the culture.

Russia... the prequel and sequel to the Sowjet Union.

You know what capitalism is? Gettin' f*cked!

Oh it's a mystery to me
You think you have to want more than you need

Capitalism has worked very well. Anyone who wants to move to North Korea is welcome.

There is only one boss. The customer. And he can fire everybody in the company from the chairman on down, simply by spending his money somewhere else.

If you see German soldiers, don't panic. They are here to help.

I will be casting my vote for Kamala Harris and Tim Walz in the 2024 Presidential Election. I'm voting for Kamala Harris because she fights for the rights and causes I believe need a warrior to champion them.