The best Quotes by Felix Lobrecht

One of the main differences between Munich and Berlin is that when thousands of people get drunk in silly clothes and start vomitting, we don't call it "Oktoberfest", we call it "Tuesday".

Berlin Munich Oktoberfest

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Berlin will live and the Wall will fall!

Willy Brandt - 10. November 1989

German Unity Berlin 1989

Look at Berlin, where Germans and Americans learned to work together and trust each other less than three years after facing each other on the field of battle.

Barack Obama

Germany Berlin

Berlin - the greatest cultural extravaganza that one could imagine.

David Bowie

Berlin

If you don't like Munich, I don't know which part of Germany you could like.

Angela Merkel - July 16th 2009, to Dmitry Medvedev

Munich

They say money can't buy happiness. But it can book your flight to Munich - which is kinda the same.

Munich

It's called Oktoberfest's Law: Everywhere you can vomit in or onto, people are going to vomit in or onto.

Oktoberfest

Rule-of-thumb at Oktoberfest: Have at least as many beers as you have fingers.

Oktoberfest

254 people lost they're driver's license during Oktoberfest for driving their E-Scooters under the influence of alcohol.
So E-Scooters are good for the environment, after all.

Oktoberfest E-Scooters Driver's Licence

Kim Jong-un is very isolated in his own country. He's the only obese person in North Korea.

Olaf Schubert in heute-show - heute-show vom 08.09.2017

Kim Jong Un North Korea

To never be sick can't be healthy.

Karl Valentin

Illness & Sickness

F*ck reason - long live the nonsense!

Karl Valentin

Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.

Karl Valentin

Weather Funny Quotes

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.

Ricky Gervais

Atheism Santa Claus Hölle

Cynicism, to me, is trying to make people as unhappy as you are.

Ricky Gervais

Cynicism

Remember, if you don't sin, then Jesus died for nothing.

Ricky Gervais

Sin

Life is so damn short. For f's sake, just do what makes you happy!

Bill Murray

Life

The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.

Bill Murray

Taxes Ice Cream

I'm suspicious of people who don't like dogs, but I trust a dog when it doesn't like a person.

Bill Murray

Dogs

Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me.

Robin Williams

Shooting Stars

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

Robin Williams

Women

I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.

Robin Williams

Friendship Solitude & Loneliness

This is the end of Wladimir Putin.

Jan Böhmermann - February 2022

Vladimir Putin Russia-Ukraine War

Dubai accomplished that boom through lots of hard work... by slaves.

Jan Böhmermann (ZDF Magazin Royale) - vom 12.02.2021

Slavery Dubai

Would be great if someone found a tax loophole to make Amazon pay taxes in Germany.

Jan Böhmermann - December 2020

Amazon

People say that money changes people. It really doesn't. Money don't change people. Money allows you to be more of who you really are. If you're a kind person when you get a lot of money, you become a kinder person. If you're an a-shole when you get a lot of money, you become a big a-shole. When you see rich people acting like a-sholes it's 'cause they've always been one.

Steve Harvey - February 2021

Money

Harvey: "You gonna sit up here on national TV and say 'nekkid', and then point at the damn board like we gonna let you get away with it!"
Contestant: "I bet you said 'nekkid' in one of your comedy routines."
Harvey: "You on Family Feud! This ain't a comedy routine!"

Steve Harvey in Family Feud

Harvey: "When people talk about the big one, what do they refer to?"
Contestant: "A man's privates."
Harvey: "Family! I just got this job! What are you trying to do?"

Steve Harvey in Family Feud

Life is too short to worry about what others say about you. Have fun and give them something to talk about.

Kevin Hart

Gossip & Rumors

The only time you should look back in life is to see how far you have come.

Kevin Hart

Past

If you give up at the first sign of struggle, you’re really not ready to be successful.

Kevin Hart

Giving Up Success

Spotify, the app with the entire history of recorded music that you only use to listen to four songs that you liked in high school.

Trevor Noah in The Daily Show - The Truth Behind Music Streaming

Spotify

You don't need to show up like a SWAT Team to rescue a Barbie from a little girl. If anything, you should be rescuing the little girl from the Barbie. Should be getting there like, "little girl, watch out! That Barbie can give you a warped sense of what a woman's body is supposed to be!"

Trevor Noah in The Daily Show - June 2020

Barbie

All the teams in the NBA will not be playing basketball on Election Day. And the Knicks were like, "Oh, no problem we don't play basketball every day, that's just what we do."

Trevor Noah in The Daily Show - August 2022

New York Knicks

Where I'm from? A little town called none of yo god damn business.

Dave Chappelle

The language you are about to hear… is disturbing.

Dave Chappelle

Money is the fuel for choices. Money gives me choices, so it’s not nothing, it’s something.

Dave Chappelle

Money

The last person that was excited about a check with Donald Trump's name on it was Stormy Daniels.

Oliver Welke in heute-show - Sendung vom 24.04.2020

Donald Trump Corona-Jokes

We are looking at the biggest economic crash since 1970.
And thanks to closed barber-shops, we'll soon look like the 70s again.

Oliver Welke in heute-show - April 2020

Corona-Jokes 70s

Anyone who tells you fatherhood is the greatest thing that can happen to you, they are understating it.

Mike Myers

Fathers

Canada is a country of ingredients without a cuisine; we're a country with musicians without an indigenous instrument; Toronto's a city that doesn't even have a dish named after it.

Mike Myers

Canada Toronto

I like smart jokes, I like dumb jokes, and I like dumb jokes done smartly.

Mike Myers

Humor & Comedy

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

Bob Hope

Kissing

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

Bob Hope

Age

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

Bob Hope

Laughing & Smile

Germany... a country whose idea of a bedtime story is two children being left to die in the forest, before nearly being cooked and eaten and then murdering an old woman.

John Oliver (Last Week Tonight)

Germany Fairytales

The best Quotes by Felix Lobrecht

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