The best Quotes and Jokes about Fat People

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Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?

Facebook, StalkersBill Maher

Bob: "He looks like a child molester. Louise, don't serve him. Let Gene bring it."
Gene: "Why do I have to get molested?"
Bob: "Because he's not gonna molest you."
Gene: "Why?"
Bob: "You're heavy."

Bob Belcher in Bob's Burgers, Season 1 Episode 1

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Reducing WeightRodney Dangerfield

Zach Galifianakis: "You played in a movie called The Hunger Games."
Jennifer Lawrence: "Yeah. Isn't that your life story?"
Zach Galifianakis: "You shouldn't say that. That's off-putting."
Jennifer Lawrence: "You should be off-pudding. Because you're fat."

Jennifer Lawrence in Between Two Ferns

Kim has a fat ass, so, like it would save her herself. It's like a floatation device.

AssKhloé Kardashian in The Kardashians

I've said in the past that if I were Prime Minister, I would ban obesity.

Katie Hopkins

None of us wanted to be the bass player. In our minds he was the fat guy who always played at the back.

BeatlesPaul McCartney, about The Beatles

Rule number one for surviving Zombieland: Cardio. When the virus struck, for obvious reasons, the first ones to go were the fatties.

Zombieland, by Columbus

Kidnapper: "You guys watch the main cabin, I will find them. I'll take that fat guy as a human shield."
Peter: "Oh, nice, last guy picked for dodgeball, first guy for human shield."

Peter Griffin in Family Guy, Season 15 Episode 10

It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat.

Reducing WeightArnold Schwarzenegger

This woman came in and she was so fat she actually had three smaller women orbiting around her.

Al Bundy in Married... with Children

Robin: "I'm pregnant."
Barney: "Are you sure you're not just getting fat?"

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 7 Episode 12

Chefkoch: "Well, if you want him to get really fat as fast as possible, one of you will have to marry him."
Stan: "Marry him?"
Chefkoch: "It definitely worked for every woman i ever met."

Chef in South Park, Season 6 Episode 2

Zoey: "Don't worry Ted, she's cute."
Barney: "'Cute' means 'fat'!"
Zoey: "She's not fat."
Barney: "'Not fat' means 'ugly'."

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 6 Episode 15

If you're worried about people seeing your ass, do what all the other girls do and tie a sweater around your waist.

AssPerry Cox in Scrubs, Season 2 Episode 5

She really had a fat but: her fat butt!

PunsBarney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 3 Episode 4