The best Quotes and Jokes about Fat People

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Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?

FacebookBill Maher
 
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Bob: "He looks like a child molester. Louise, don't serve him. Let Gene bring it."
Gene: "Why do I have to get molested?"
Bob: "Because he's not gonna molest you."
Gene: "Why?"
Bob: "You're heavy."

Bob Belcher in Bob's Burgers, Season 1 Episode 1
 
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Reducing WeightRodney Dangerfield
 
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Zach Galifianakis: "You played in a movie called The Hunger Games."
Jennifer Lawrence: "Yeah. Isn't that your life story?"
Zach Galifianakis: "You shouldn't say that. That's off-putting."
Jennifer Lawrence: "You should be off-pudding. Because you're fat."

Jennifer Lawrence in Between Two Ferns
 
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Kim has a fat ass, so, like it would save her herself. It's like a floatation device.

AssKhloé Kardashian in The Kardashians
 
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I've said in the past that if I were Prime Minister, I would ban obesity.

Katie Hopkins
 
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None of us wanted to be the bass player. In our minds he was the fat guy who always played at the back.

BeatlesPaul McCartney, about The Beatles
 
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Rule number one for surviving Zombieland: Cardio. When the virus struck, for obvious reasons, the first ones to go were the fatties.

Zombieland, by Columbus
 
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Kidnapper: "You guys watch the main cabin, I will find them. I'll take that fat guy as a human shield."
Peter: "Oh, nice, last guy picked for dodgeball, first guy for human shield."

Peter Griffin in Family Guy, Season 15 Episode 10
 
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It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat.

Reducing WeightArnold Schwarzenegger
 
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This woman came in and she was so fat she actually had three smaller women orbiting around her.

Al Bundy in Married... with Children
 
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Robin: "I'm pregnant."
Barney: "Are you sure you're not just getting fat?"

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 7 Episode 12
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Chefkoch: "Well, if you want him to get really fat as fast as possible, one of you will have to marry him."
Stan: "Marry him?"
Chefkoch: "It definitely worked for every woman i ever met."

Chef in South Park, Season 6 Episode 2
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Zoey: "Don't worry Ted, she's cute."
Barney: "'Cute' means 'fat'!"
Zoey: "She's not fat."
Barney: "'Not fat' means 'ugly'."

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 6 Episode 15
 
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If you're worried about people seeing your ass, do what all the other girls do and tie a sweater around your waist.

AssPerry Cox in Scrubs, Season 2 Episode 5
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She really had a fat but: her fat butt!

PunsBarney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 3 Episode 4
 
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