Steve Urkel: "Well, if I did, nobody would ever let me in."
Steve Urkel: "You heard her, you're all witnesses. She actually said, 'Human Being'. She's mine!"
Steve Urkel: "Nine years, three months, two weeks, four days, six hours, eight minutes, and fourteen seconds... fifteen seconds... sixteen seconds."
Laura: "And they find their way to work every morning?"
Steve Urkel: "Great, maybe I'll stay a while."
Steve Urkel: "Oh, great, my parents play this with me all the time. Once, I found them in Milwaukee living under an assumed name."
Harriette: "What happened?"
Edward: "Look what he did to my algebra homework!"
Harriette: "Tell your teacher your dog ate it."
Edward: "I can't, I used that excuse before we got the dog."
Laura Winslow: "Yeah, every time I used the bug spray."
Steve Urkel: "Practice. Fortunately, when I was young I had no friends."
Carl Winslow: "What? We've got cheerleaders taller than him."
Harriette: "Soon, baby. Your dad's runnin' late."
Laura: "Let's eat everything and see if he can take a joke!"
Steve Urkel: "From my stay-away fund. Every year, my relatives send me money in hopes that I won't visit them."
Steve Urkel: "No, I AM a serious little nerd. You see, I use verbs. Verbs are our friends. They help move along our sentences."
Steve Urkel: "Oh, I understand."
Laura: "You did good."
Steve Urkel: "You love me, don't you?"
Carl: "Steve, you've always been chaste."
Steve Urkel: "Yeah, but now I have an excuse."
Steve Urkel: "You yelled at me and you called me a butthead."
Carl: "Of all the names that I have called you , the one that bothers you is butthead?"
Steve Urkel: "Yes. It was my nickname in preschool."