Epic Rap Battles of History Quotes

I would smack you, but in Germany we don't hit little girls
And I'm glad I'm deaf, so I can't hear that piece of sh-t "My World"

Even Elise wants to do me
And now that you're right next to me
I can understand, why they used a dog to play you in the movie

Mario Party's the only one you get invited to
Your life is like Skyrim, an endless quest of solitude

You dumb motherf*cker, didn't Napoleon let you know?
When you conquer Russia, better pack some f*cking winter clothes

Take your time to think, but when it is time to act, stop thinking and act!

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

The world suffers a lot. Not because of the violence of bad people. But because of the silence of good people.

The Germans have six months of winter and six months of no summer.

On victory, you deserve beer.
On defeat, you need it.

What else is a story than a lie everyone agrees on?

Chance is the only legitimate ruler of the universe.

Music is the voice that tells us that the human race is greater than it knows.

There's thieves that are never sanctioned although they steal the most precious thing one has: time.

The people love Nero. He inspires in them both affection and respect. One can discern the reason for this popular feeling: Nero oppressed the great and never burdened the ordinary people.

If I had to choose a religion, the sun as the universal giver of life would be my god.

Ten people who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent.

You must not fight too often with one enemy, or you will teach him all your art of war.

A leader is a dealer in hope.

In politics stupidity is not a handicap.

The bigger the lie, the more people believe in it.

If we win, we don't have to explain ourselves. If we lose, there's nothing to explain.

They say I'm up and coming, like I'm f*cking in an elevator

You're pointless as Rapunzel with f*cking cornrows

No matter how you try, n*ggas never die
We just retaliate with hate, then we multiply

We hit the spot to chill with the Fuji Grill
She ordered the Kobe beef, like Shaquille O'Neal

N*gga, you ain't ill in the booth
I'd die and do my next show as a hologram and still be realer than you
I'm the shit like I slithered in poo
I'm sicker than sticking my freaking d-ck inside of a b*tch's syph-lis cooch

Every country has its own mafia. In Russia, the mafia has its own country.

I want to say thank you to each of you because we are together. And when we feel the reliable support of those standing beside us, Russia becomes one big family.

This country, Russia, has changed. Russia has become a real football country... where football has become part of the country's DNA and the culture.

Russia... the prequel and sequel to the Sowjet Union.

Russia... the country that gave the world Tetris, merkins you wear on your heads, and potentially the 45th President of the United States.

One candidate is too old and mentally unfit to be president. The other one is me.

What do you call an Asian Dwayne Johnson?
The Wok.

I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror.