Quotes by Emo Philips

Emo Philips is an American stand-up comedian, actor, voice actor, writer and producer. His stand-up comedy persona makes use of paraprosdokians spoken in a wandering falsetto tone of voice.

The best Quotes and Sayings
Quote by Emo Philips

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

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Quote by Emo Philips

The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.

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Quote by Emo Philips

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

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Quote by Emo Philips

I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.

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Quote by Emo Philips

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

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