The best Quotes by Earl Washington

Max: "Earl, can you break some 20s? The big spenders at table two wanna split their $11 check three ways - even though one person did all the eating."
Earl: "I was in a three-way once. Same thing happened."

2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 12

This neighborhood is definitely on the rise. I remember a time when a black man couldn't get a cab around here. And that time was Wednesday.

2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 7

That girl is workin' harder than Stephen Hawking tryin' to put in a pair of cufflinks.

2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 1

Stephen Hawking

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Twitter is stupid and Instagram is Twitter for people who can't read.

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 2 Episode 2

Instagram X / Twitter

Do you think we can convince them that slapping each other's face is the new high five?

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 7

Han Lee: "Max, why did you kick out the hipsters?"
Max: "Cause I could not be in the background of another Instagram photo!"

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 11

Instagram Hipster

Max: "Hi, ready to order?"
Guest: "Do you have anything that's really special?"
Max: "Not according to my high school guidance counselor."

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 2

High School

Scaring people into participating isn't success, it's Scientology.

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 21

Religion

Earl: "Max, what is the worst sentence you ever want to come out of Han's mouth?"
Max: "I got you pregnant?"
Earl: "Come on, bad, bad."
Max: "I got you pregnant again?"

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 4

Max: "How old are you gonna be?"
Earl: "75"
Max: "Oh, Earl, if you were just three years younger..."

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 1

Hey, if you got a second - stop staring at my boobs!

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 1

Boobs

I wear knit hats when it's cold out. You wear knit hats 'cause of Coldplay.
You have tattoos to piss off your dad. My dad doesn't know he's my dad.
And finally, you think this is the sound that gets you service. I think, this is the sound that dries up my v-gina.

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 1

Coldplay

Thanksgiving is almost here and as soon as people realize how much money they have to spend on holiday gifts, their wallets snap tighter than Kim Kardashian's legs after the wedding check cleared.

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 10

Kim Kardashian Thanksgiving

Caroline: "I'm much more concerned with our business and getting my head back above water. Men will come sooner or later."
Max: "Well, according to my research most men come sooner."

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 7

Han Lee: "Hipsters like karaoke!"
Max: "Replace the word 'like' with the word 'Hitler' and you got the three worst things in history."

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 4

Adolf Hitler Hipster Karaoke

Caroline: "No need to yell, he's a champion."
Max: "Champion stink bomb. It's smelling pretty ripe out in that yard."
Caroline: "That's not Chestnut, that's Brooklyn."
Max: "Okay, well, I'm watching 'The Champion' drop some steaming hot 'Brooklyn' right now."

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 2

Brooklyn

Caroline: "What'd you see in that guy, anyway?"
Max: "He had these muscle thingies."
Caroline: "Oh, those things?"
Max: "Yeah. I don't know what those are called, but they make smart girls stupid."

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 1

Muscles

Han Lee: "Booty call on billboard. If it's after 2:30, call is for the dirty."
Max: "What's that from? Dr. Seuss' 'oh, the places you'll put it in'?"

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 8

I think it'd be better for everyone, including my immune system, if I just keep on wearing what I'm wearing and not the apron, 'cause this is Chanel.

Caroline Channing in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 1

Chanel

Robbie: "I'm Robbie."
Caroline: "I'm uncomfortable. You're getting me wet."
Robbie: "That's the point."

Caroline Channing in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 1

You're asking me if I have any gum? That's like asking New Jersey if it has any sl-ts!

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 21

New Jersey

Listen, hit me with one more dead president and you'll be six feet under with Biggie and Tupac. You understand me, Jew-Tang Clan?

Caroline Channing in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 17

Han Lee: "Perhaps we'll pump the brakes on sour waitress attitude."
Max: "There's only one tool that can change my 'tude, but I'm gonna need two double-A batteries and a 20-minute break."

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 12

Oleg: "If I knew we were gonna have staff meetings after work, I would've taken job at T.G.I. Friday instead. Over there, they roll fast and loose."
Han Lee: "Well, this is how I roll."
Max: "Yeah, short and slow."
Han Lee: "No, I roll fast and furious... Tokyo Drift style."

Han Lee in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 12

Fast and Furious

Max: "I kissed Johnny."
Caroline: "What? When?"
Max: "He came by the apartment right after you left."
Caroline: "I was only gone 20 minutes. What'd you do - shine a bat symbol on your v*gina?"

Caroline Channing in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 9

Vaginas

Last time I was at the gold space loft, I went to a poetry slam and I wound up slamming a poet.

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 9

The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge.

Stephen Hawking

Knowledge Intelligence

Quiet people have the loudest minds.

Stephen Hawking

Intelligence Silence

I deal with tough mathematical questions every day, but please don’t ask me to help with Brexit!

Stephen Hawking

Brexit

In my school, the brightest boys did math and physics, the less bright did physics and chemistry, and the least bright did biology. I wanted to do math and physics, but my father made me do chemistry because he thought there would be no jobs for mathematicians.

Stephen Hawking

Mathematics Chemistry Biology

Can you hear me? It has been a glorious time to be alive and doing research in theoretical physics. Our picture of the universe has changed a great deal in the last 50 years and I'm happy if I have made a small contribution. The fact that we humans who ourselves are mere collections of fundamental particals of nature, have been able to come this close to an understanding of the laws governing us in our universe, is a great triumph. I want to share my excitement and enthusiasm about this quest. So remember to look up at the stars - and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see and wonder about what makes the universe exist. Be curious! And however difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at. It matters that you don't just give up. Thank you for listening.

Stephen Hawking

Last Words

No one undertakes research in physics with the intention of winning a prize. It is the joy of discovering something no one knew before.

Stephen Hawking

Science Physics

We are all now connected by the Internet, like neurons in a giant brain.

Stephen Hawking

Internet Brain

Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.

Stephen Hawking

Life

Science is not only a disciple of reason but, also, one of romance and passion.

Stephen Hawking

Science

I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.

Stephen Hawking

Fate & Destiny

There is probably no heaven, and no afterlife either. We have this one life to appreciate the grand design of the universe, and for that, I am extremely grateful.

Stephen Hawking - August 2011

Robbie, if I were gonna go lesbian, she would be the last 'les' I'd 'be in'.

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 2

Eight months ago he bought it from the Russian mob. Clientele used to be all eastern bloc criminals and crack wh*res. But then he took it over and ruined it.

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 1

Guest: "Excuse me, where is my waitress?"
[Paulina moaning]
Max Black: "She's coming."

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 1

If you start deporting every shady looking guy with questionable tattoos, who's gonna go to Jets games?

Jordan Klepper in The Daily Show

New York Jets

The best Quotes by Earl Washington

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