Quote by Dwight Schrute (Season 1 Episode 3)

Quote by Dwight Schrute (Season 1 Episode 3)

Schrute: "Never been sick. Perfect immune system."
Jim: "Well, if you've never been sick, then you don't have any antibodies."
Schrute: "I don't need them. Superior genes. I'm a Schrute."

Dwight Schrute in The Office - Season 1 Episode 3

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Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?

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I like the people I work with, generally. With four exceptions. But someone committed a crime. And I did not become a Lackawanna County Volunteer Sheriff's Deputy to make friends. And, by the way, I haven't.

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Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can and do cut my own hair. I did, however, tip my urologist, because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.

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Sounds like you're too sick to come into work but you're well enough to go to the pharmacy!

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I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War II veteran. Killed 20 men then spent the rest of the war in an allied prison camp. My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life.

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The purse girl hits everything on my checklist. Creamy skin, straight teeth, curly hair, amazing breasts... not for me, for my children - the Schrutes produce very thirsty babies.

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One thing about deer, they have very good vision. One thing about me, I'm better at hiding than they are... at vision.

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All right. Who did this? I'm not mad, I just want to know who did it, so I can punish them.

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I don't believe in coddling people. In the wild, there is no healthcare. In the wild, healthcare is: Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me. And I'm dead.
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Jim: "And a shower."

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Jim: "What about and energy drink?"
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Pam: "We got you this."
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Related pages

Dwight Schrute

Michael Scott

Jim Halpert

Stanley Hudson

Kevin Malone

Ryan Howard

Toby Flenderson

Andy Bernard