Dump-Quotes - That's how you dump someone!

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

Mrs M, if we were the last three humans on earth, I would be trying to start a family with Baldrick.

Actually, I wanted to stop being mean. But everyone else has to stop being dumb first.

"Hey, would you mind if I smoke a cigarette?"
"I wouldn't even mind when you lit yourself on fire."

Casanova: "Hello, beautiful. May I take this seat?"
Rachel Stone: "Take it anywhere you like."

I only want one thing of men, and that is, that they should leave me alone.

When you first entered the restaurant, I thought you were handsome. And then, of course, you spoke.

"The only time you seem honest is when you're insulting someone!"
"The only honest things I can say to you are insults."

If I were in your shoes I would be looking for someone a little more entertaining, a little more fun, and maybe even a little more attainable.

They missed a great opportunity to shut up.

I'm really sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. I'm not interested in dating anyone. I'm extremly busy with work and raising my son, and I just have no room in my life for the kind of intimacy you are clearly craving. But I really comment you on your directness and your bravado and I really hope that you find what you're looking for. Goodbye, now.

Can't spell STUPID without U right in the middle.

The mind is a complex and many-layered thing, Potter... or at least, most minds are.

Christ, you two! All I can say is if I ever get anal polyps, I'll know what to name them.

I'm gonna knock your teeth so far down your throat, you'll have to shove a toothbrush up your ass to brush 'em.

I'll be very clear here, because you and I face an evolutionary gap.

Student: "Nice wig, Janis. What's it made of?"
Janis: "Your mom's chest hair!"

Griselda: "I heard that you liked my product."
Eddie 'The Bird' Rancon: "Beautiful. Was like shoving a f*cking coca plant up my nose."
Griselda: "Give the size of that thing I bet you have the whole f*cking brick up there."

The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr Brain has long since departed, hasn't he, Percy?

Your brain is so minute Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough to cover a small water biscuit.

Baldrick, your head is as empty as a eunach's underpants.

Prince George: "Someone said I had the wit and intellect of a donkey."
Blackadder: "Oh, an absurd suggestion sir. Unless it was a particularly stupid donkey."

My fists have a very strict diet... they only eat losers!

Whenever people agree with me, I always feel I must be wrong.

The power of "no" means you're educating people in how to treat you.

These days, I look in the mirror and I have to admit, I'm not the strapping young Muslim socialist that I used to be.

Leno: "What's this thing with Trump and you? I don't get it, it's like me and Letterman - what has he got against you?"
Obama: "This all dates back to when we were growing up together in Kenya. We had constant run-ins on the soccer field."

If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all.

A bl*wjob isn't with your mouth, it's with your heart. Now get on your knees and put that heart to work.

A woman has to live her life, or live to repent not having lived it.

It's amazing, isn't it? How someone can get so into your blood.

Life breaks us, Teft. Then we fill the cracks with something stronger.

Do not let your assumptions about a culture block your ability to perceive the individual, or you will fail.

The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

Lord Melchett: "Ah, Blackadder, talking to yourself, I see."
Blackadder: "Yes, it's the only way I can be sure of intelligent conversation."

Who's the more foolish? The fool or the fool who follows him?

You wanna know how great men get power? It's not because they earn it, or because they deserve it. It is because when the moment comes, they take it.

The fairest thing in nature, a flower, still has its roots in earth and manure.

Feminism's latest victory: the right to get your limbs blown off in war. Congratulations.

You make me want to be a better man.

Tress considered herself to be categorically boring. She liked her tea lukewarm, she went to bed on time, she loved her parents, occasionally squabbled with her little brother, and didn't litter. She was fair at needlepoint, and had a talent for baking. But had no other noteworthy skills. She didn't train at fencing in secret, she couldn't talk to animals, she had no hidden royalty or deities in her lineage. Though her great-grandmother Glorf had once reportedly waved at the king.

I've lived seven lifetimes, and I have never had a friend quite like you.

Running may help for a little while, but sooner or later the pain catches up with you. And the only way to get rid of it is to stand your ground and face it.

One can go to war alone, but you can't build peace alone.

Aimee: "Did you know you need, like, sugar and flour and an oven to bake? And you don't shove it all in, you have to follow alle these rules."
Maeve: "Yeah, it's called a recipe."

"I kind of lost track of time..."
"For two hours?"
Elend nodded sheepishly. "There were books involved."