The best Quotes by Dr. Zoidberg

I took the liberty of fertilizing your caviar.

You've succeeded in showing me life is worth living, by showing me how bad my funeral will suck.

Bite my shiny metal a-ss!

That's the saltiest thing I've ever eaten… and I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt.

Professor: "I'm sorry, Fry, but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all."
Fry: "Oh, what's it called now?"
Professor: "Urectum."

Dwight: "I heard beer makes you stupid."
Fry: "No I'm… doesn't!"

This is the worst kind of discrimination. The kind against me.

Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

They're like sex, except I'm having them.

Good news, everyone! I've taught the toaster to feel love.

Valentine's Day is coming? Oh crap - I forgot to get a girlfriend again.

Gimme your biggest, strongest, cheapest drink!

There will be plenty of time to discuss your objections when and if you return.

I hope he didn't die. Unless he left a note naming me his successor, then I hope he did die.

I'm so embarrassed. I wish everybody else was dead.

When you lose everything, that's when you're finally free.

We're not defined by what we los. We're defined by what we survive.

They're exhausting to inflate, they scare the shit out of you when they pop, and uninflated they just look like a pile of clown-condoms.

This isn't about good or bad. This is about power. And who is allowed to use it.